Chump Change

Yo. In the midst (goes out this afternoon) of another huge grant. This one is $14 million for HIV immunology. There is another one, for $20 million, at the end of the month. That will make it close to $100 million in submitted grants within less than 2 years.

I feel anxious, nervous & hadn't slept well (2 hour here, 3 hours there) in a week. Last night was the first time I've dreamt in over a week & I usually dream every night at least a little.

I'm usually a good sleeper, what can I say?

People want to "go out" after work. For Scorpion Bowls (super-sugary kool-aid + shelf vodka) at the Hong Kong (frat boys & bros) for Karaoke (voluntary public humiliation).

The bathtub & an enormous bowl of Breyer's Strawberry & my couch for a girlie movie seem much more in order. Fortunately, my friend, Heidi, who is also a masseuse (massage therapist, whatever), has open appointments this weekend. Hello 90 minutes of pure body love & thanks Dad & Mo for the birthday present.

Happy Birthday to me.....and you

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCF3ywukQYA

That is one of the most bizarre & awesome videos ever.

The Birthday Party

Yesterday I had a 30th birthday party for myself. It was amazing. By the end of the night costumes were dragged out and my collection of wigs worn by party-goers. Couldn't have asked for anything better.

We ate stuffed burgers, hot dogs, homemade bread, root beer floats, chips, etc. Drank champagne, beer, wine, soda, martinelli's and sparkling grape juice.

Spending time with my favorite people recharged my battery. And reassured how wonderful my life is. After a couple weeks of feeling sorry for myself, hating rain & generally being down in the dumps (not to mention getting devastating news), this was exactly what snapped me out of the funk.

So as I charge into 30, single, I am not alone. Fortunately, I have an army of beautiful artists, teachers, writers, computer programers, vending machine salesmen, surgeons and lawyers to stand with and love. Who also love me. What a lucky girl.

For Yesterday

200 pages down. 200 to go.

Time to stuff some hamburger this afternoon. Wish I had my partner in crime here to make them with me.

Too late

Residual feelings.

Truth: I worry.

Bigger truth: about things I probably shouldn't.

Biggest truth: it evokes resentment.

Resentment: why?

Beggars Can Be Choosers. They Just Shouldn't

So, since people are supposed to be over on Friday, I figured that I should probably clean my room. You know, pick up the random stuff that's lying around on the desk, etc, but that I use regularly so I don't "put it away". Essentially pretend that I'm not a complete clutter person. And do laundry. And actually put it away. Yeah, I'm kind of lazy like that sometimes. Then I do it & am all "wow, I accomplished something other than work & school & dance".

Is it bad that I secretly (apparently not anymore) wish of having someone clean my house & do my laundry so that I can spend my time reading & dancing?

Anyways, I was thinking about "it" on my walk to work this morning. And by "it", I mean what's going on in my noggin lately. And it's that nothing exciting or fun has happened recently. Which is exactly what I'd wished for. I guess when I wanted a relaxed summer, what I meant more was that I wanted a summer in which work was lazy, that I could leave at 5 everyday without worries, & that I'd have plenty of free time to just walk around. And that just hasn't happened. Well, it has in some senses but not others. I mean, if it were up to me, some amazing dude would be attempting to sweep me off my feet right now & that'd be an okay busy. But FAFSA forms?! Gross.

Post 501

Oh man, what a day. A very tiring day. But still a day. Stacey packed up & moved boxes into my storage area today. She has one more week here. On the drive from her home to mine, I was completely choked up. And from moving heavy boxes for a couple hours, I'm now completely exhausted. Mentally & physically. I hate saying goodbyes and tend to sneak out in the night to avoid them.

Friday afternoon is my birthday party at the house. Only a few people are coming over because, well, I didn't want to clean up after a few dozen acquaintances. This way, it'll be nice & relaxed & just the closest friends will be around.

Work is pretty insane again. So much to do. And it seems that I keep getting more piled on. It's frustrating & tiring & I feel a bit like I'm drowning right now.

Well, off to get some rest. Tomorrow's another day.