ardent bullshit comes down every faultline gushing heavily into jest kindly luscious melons nodding openly post quakes resting still to undermind various wonderous xylophones yawning zealously

Tuesday, June 02, 2015

Where the fuck is Ryan Palmer?

This weekend I threw out all of my yearbooks from middle and high school. I'm moving to New York in less than 4 weeks and am currently apartment purging. 

Anybody want some stuff?

So up in my bathroom linen closet were all these very heavy books with photos of yesteryear and goofy stuff written in them like "you're a great friend".  

Good to know!

And I paged through them because it is fun to do and look at what everyone was all about during our formative years. I was on a lot of different teams over the years. Even on cheerleading with Jaimie and Katie. Then I got to thinking about how we used to practice cheers in Katie's basement before her parents turned it into a sweet home theater with a popcorn machine and everything. We had a really good time together.

Trip down Memory Lane!

Some of the people I knew I still know. Like I saw Jaimie a couple weeks ago and talked to Katie a couple days ago. We're all living our weird little lives now masquerading as grown ups but we're really not fooling anyone. We're the same, just with checkbooks. And that is really comforting to know that the grown ups never really were grown ups, they were just bigger and had money.

The jig is up!

As I turned the pages and dove deeper into the nostalgia zone I came across people who were so cool then and I really liked, even if it was just in class. Like this kid, Ryan Palmer. We called him Cookie Boy. Who "we" are, I'm not exactly sure but I remember it wasn't just me in English class bothering a boy I liked because I was too chicken shit to do anything like that without an accomplice. And I certainly didn't have the confidence then to just come out at tell some cutie pie that I would like to spend some time eating and hanging out and that if he is lucky he can hold my hand. Some people call that modesty or patience but really it was just crippling teenage anxiety. He really was cute, I had proof of that until this morning when the garbage service took away all of my yearbooks. And now I don't have any proof because I cannot seem to find him on the internet. Oh well. 

Ryan Palmer (Hinsdale Central Class of '97 but you didn't graduate with us because you left Senior Year)...if you are out there how is it going? 

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

I'm Back Baby!

Or maybe not. We'll see. A couple months ago in the downtown area of a really big city a friend was like "we should blog again?" and I was like "yeah maybe?". Then we bought some brass rings. Mine has a heart on it and a number seven in the heart. I wear it on my left hand, middle finger. Hers has little dachshunds. She wears it on her ring finger when she doesn't want to wear her wedding band. Some time went by. And then an old blog friend came out of the blog woodwork. Blogwork? He was like "oh hi do you still exist and do you exist in the same place you existed last time we spoke?" Yep! We sat and talked in real life about our stuff on the internet. Usually it works the opposite way. But in this case it didn't. The internet brought us closer to real life communication. Imagine that! So that leads us all to now. Right now. In a minute I'll leave a warm building and walk to a gooey-style dance class in the cold. And from there...


Friday, June 15, 2012

Please Forgive Me

Between the internship and work it's hectic, to say the least. Throw in New York trips the last and this weekend and the brilliant busy-ness of life has reached new heights. And I love it. For now. Just got home from interviewing subjects in the morning and essentially herding cats in the afternoon and night. This is most days. To be honest, Tuesdays (and a little Wednesdays) are the worst days. Those are the ones that make me feel a bit helpless and like I'll never get 8 hours of sleep again ever for the rest of my life. But it's temporary and August will be here before I know it. In the meantime, I'm generally enjoying the experience and taking it all in. While drinking a whole lot of coffee.

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Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Thank you Stephen. This fucking rules. So do you.

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Sunday, May 06, 2012

And then there came goals

One project left to finish up. This semester has felt particularly school-like. God, that was such an odd thought and then sentence. Anyway, my brain is kind of dead. But that's no excuse to let the momentum slow. It's a sure sign of becoming more responsible (old) when you are CONCERNED ABOUT YOUR SAVINGS ACCOUNT. Yeah, so in an attempt to raise awareness (drive myself crazy) I'm writing down everything that I buy this month. Turns out I spend a fucking lot of money on food. (surprise?) And that probably isn't really going to change. But at least I now KNOW and can like eat produce and taquitos one day so that I can spend more the next. spring-into-summer goal this year is to write and mail one letter per week. Birthday cards included. How fun is that? How many postcards do you think I'll be sending when I get lazy? (a lot probably) So really, Mandy, you should expect a lot of bullshit blah blah blah words about feeeeeeelings and how aaammmmaaaaazzziiing life is or whatever. Ugh. I gotta go to bed. But before I do...really Khloe had NO IDEA that you were not like the others? And your mom just HAPPENED to let you read her diary? These people are too much. I can't handle them.


Thursday, April 26, 2012

Fasten Your Seatbelts

So. I got the internship that I interviewed for (kind of serendipitous...and by kind of I mean REALLY) a couple weeks ago. It starts in a couple weeks. I'll be working in the clinic screening patients from 8 a.m.-noon. Then I'll go to the job that provides me with the money and protocol and administratively running a study experience from noon to (question mark). Monday through Friday. The dog days of summer. And I can't fucking wait. While I acknowledge that I'm pretty much giving up my summer by signing on for this, it's temporary and there'll be all of August to relax a little and get the data ready (which I will probably not be doing) to analyze (which I will hopefully get a chance to do) around September. Once I finally started talking about wanting to focus on addiction research (in what capacity, I'm not quite sure...screening, intervention, HIV-related, etc), it was like doors were flung open and opportunities have magically appeared. Pretty amazing what happens when you ask for help. Anyway, between now & then I have a project to finish for DPH, a final in Infectious Disease (what's up Malaria?!), and an prevention intervention project to complete. These are NOT complaints. It's really exciting for school to take off and to feel really involved in that world. AND...on the work side of things, we've sent out the protocols to all of the sites in the study so that recruitment will hopefully start at some point in July. It is not, however, helping my own personal cause to get laid. (sigh)

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Sunday, April 15, 2012

Counting Breaths

Finally getting to those rented movies. And that forgotten project. As a way of mending a teensy bit of a broken heart. Or maybe a broken ego is a better way of putting it.

But as all good and bad, this, too, has passed.

Back to something with Cameron Diaz (I know).