The One with the Library Book

Running's going well. Really well, in fact. Who knew that quitting smoking would make exercise so much easier?!

(everyone but me)

It'd probably be more effective in the weight loss department if I didn't come home and eat cheese and ice cream. But it makes me so happy. So very happy. Books, too. Books and ice cream. Which is exactly what I did after the show on Saturday night.

Saturday night I was in Brooklyn, feeling terminally uncool, at a show for Janelle's band, Desert Stars. The venue (Glasslands) was pretty neat with tissue paper designs (I like to think that they were flowers) on the ceiling and lights behind them that change colors. And the DS set was great. But then we had a break between bands and the crowd changed and the whole place started to stink like a hangover.

Luke warm High Life and stale cigarettes is usually my cue to go. But I stuck around because it's so rare that I am out and about and only in New York like every three months or so.

Mistake #1: Not dragging any of my close friends with me to the show. While I'm pals with the ladies in the band, they all have boyfriends so after the show they canoodled or whatever the kids are doing these days. Not that I mind it, but I had NO ONE to make snide remarks to about how all of the girls there needed to learn two important lessons: leggings are not pants and combs are your friends.

Mistake #2: Staying around for the 2nd act. Anyway, the band after Desert Stars was some group of douche bags who played Frat Rock. Yeah, the lead "singer" kept asking if the crowd was getting loose and whether we were drinking whiskey. Then he slurred "this next song is about two people and not to be a debbie downer but one of them is no longer with us but the other one is in the audience!". They were all wearing collared shirts and man-uggs or something close to it. THEN the female bass player sang her song and the lyrics are as follows: it's so hard it's so hard it's so hard. At this point I almost lost it but then realized that everyone around me was ENJOYING this offense to my ears. And the worst part was that #1 came back into play....I had NO ONE to laugh with during this exhibit of talentless drivel.

So that's when I was like "yeah, I gotta fucking go" and said bye to the remaining couple and got out of there. Upon returning to Lisa & Janelle's apartment, out came the jammies and ice cream and book and that warm feeling of complete comfort. I finished The Last Child (a good brainless read) and started Me Talk Pretty One Day.

Which puts me back to about a book a week. And may actually see me finishing every book in my apartment that I have not yet read within the first few months of the year (save the reference books).

Sometimes the amount of what I can accomplish nowadays shocks me.

Just My Luck

So one of my girlfriends has been trying to set me up with this guy for over 6 months now. About 2 weeks ago she caught me at the last minute to meet up and I thought "shit, why the hell not?".

He is very nice, and sweet, and has a great smile. And most importantly, I liked how I felt when we talked. So she gave him my email address and I went on with my life (while obsessively checking my emails...come on, some things never change). Since I thought it had gone really well, I was a little surprised when I didn't hear anything from him.

And my feelings were a little hurt. And then my feelings were like "another dude you thought I clicked with how many more of these can I take?". (if you're counting that would be 2 in the past 2 years...what a drama queen) But then today I found out that he's leaving in 9 days for a little move...to Spain. For 18 months.

That's when I started to laugh. And haven't stopped. Really? REALLY?! Wow. So yeah. Looks like maybe I should stick to the same old same old for a while and concentrate on classes that start in 3 days. (sigh)

Here comes the Wahmbulance

Just the other day I was all smuggly saying how I hadn't been sick for over a year and even last time was only for a day of food poisoning.

Tempting fate.

I have slept 12 of the past 16 hours. I barely sleep 8 hours/night maybe, especially on the weekends. I feel tired and sore and head hurty and sinuses yucky and waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

In good news, I ran 4 miles straight this week (and a singular one the next day making it to the goal of 5 for the week), which I haven't done in a really long time. And I didn't die. And I could walk the next day. Which was really awesome.

But right now it's matzo ball and ginger beer time for this girl because I feel nothing like awesome.

Making Pies

For who knows whatever reason my heart's felt a lot of nostalgia lately. For odd things. Not necessarily happy or carefree times or anything like that. Or what at this point I can trick myself into thinking was carefree. I've missed things like my drive home from work when I lived in Breckenridge. Or like that guy I was dating a couple years ago. But then it mutates into that strange yearning to be held.

Not because I'm sad. Not because anything terrible happened. Just life stuff.

And then I realize that it isn't that I want someone who doesn't know who I am now and only selectively got to know someone who I'll always be but am no longer to fall asleep next to. That's empty. It's a shell of what I think I'm supposed to be or act. I didn't call that guy, or any other for that matter who could only take away the desire to feel safe momentarily.

I did what works. Or if it doesn't, then at least I've been productive. Put on Patty Griffin, made some tomato sauce, and shut my mouth. Physically keeping my mouth shut somehow grounds my head, even if for a minute. Pay attention to my breath, focus on letting whatever's going on really go on.

Tonight, when I finally balanced out, it became obvious that I miss Katie & Jaimie. I really miss my gals. On an everyday basis I am so fortunate to be surrounded by people who are sweet and wonderful and caring and I do love. But it's kind of like that one recipe that only that one place can make and while other food is great, I have such a craving for that one dish. Their laughs, the way conversation rolls along. People I don't feel like I need to explain myself to. We already know each other. And how our shortcomings make us human. Regardless, to me they'll always be superheroes. Soon enough. Soon enough we'll get to stay up too late talking because we want to soak in every moment.

Until then looks like I'll just have to settle for rereading my favorite books and snuggling into warm sweaters and singing along and making food with butter to take care of the missings.

Dropping Balls

Whoops! Forgot to write on the last day of the month. I was busy watching Too Cute Kittens with Doba, eating Indian food, and playing cribbage. Great way to end the year.

And yesterday afforded the opportunity to get in back to back yoga classes. Great way to get the year started!

But now it's all getting back to normal. And thank god. The holidays are nice...and over. This past month has reinforced how much I really like my life. The everyday life part of it. I like my routine. Sure, I really like that Elf was on television all the time. And the glow of Christmas lights is pretty much my favorite thing ever. But I will not miss the train stinking of party. Or the couples-themed everything. You know, normal.

Anyway, tonight begins my running kick start month. Along with like everyone else in the world. This week starts with 5 miles. Either all in one day or 5 days of 1 mile. Whatever.

First I need to get off the couch and stop eating peanut brittle.

Melancholia

Wow, this has been a week of movies. What a wonderful way to escape...a dark room and a movie projector.

Perfect way to close out this week. The days off have been great. A time to relax and catch up on sleep and laze around. But circumstances have left me with a lot on my mind and plenty of space to ruminate. Not a good combination. Fortunately, tomorrow sends me right back into a normal routine, which is exactly what I need right now.

So anyway, The Skin I Live In was a trip of twisted reality but always returns to a content resolution. And even though Almodovar consistently ties in social issues, it is all merely a story, in typical Spanish style. Melancholia was more or less based in reality until the end, and seemed to have a message. Not that I agree with or against whatever Lars Van Trier was supposedly saying, but that's something that I try to lean against. Movies with a message. I take things waaaaay too seriously to be putting myself into that place. (see: Twilight!!)

Anyway, it was still terribly entertaining. And achieved a level of discomfort that is incredibly difficult to achieve in that medium. And I never thought that I would say this...but hats off to Kiki Dunst. She did a pretty incredible job. Granted, the director certainly took advantage of situations. But all around...fantastic.

Time for pizza and a Frazier marathon. My brain's a mush.

Cash Cab

Okay, so I have a new, better goal for January. To somehow made it on to Cash Cab when I'm in NYC in a couple weeks. Really, I need to get on this show. It would be so amazing.

So on the Orange Line earlier today on my way to JP (don't ask...a favor for a friend) and I had a really good deep thought. But again I totally forgot it. I really need to start writing this stuff down.

And get on Cash Cab. And up my runnings. Ugh. So much to do.

Why Hello Old Man Winter

Oh yeah. It got cold. Reeeaaaallllyy cold. And that's okay. Because it will get warm again. But probably not for at least 2 months. That's not so long, though, right? I mean, I've written something every day now for almost a month and I feel like it was just yesterday that I was writing posts closer to midnight than any other hour. Wait, that probably was yesterday.

Anyway. So I was running earlier today and was pretty comfortable at the almost 2 mile mark so I started thinking about the next month's goal or whatever and I think I'd like to get to a point where I run 10 miles/week. But I want to start small. So I'm going to start this week at 5 miles. And next week continue with 5 miles and increase one mile/week until I get to 10 miles/week.

But not more tonight. Tonight it's time for bed.