ardent bullshit comes down every faultline gushing heavily into jest kindly luscious melons nodding openly post quakes resting still to undermind various wonderous xylophones yawning zealously

Monday, February 28, 2005

My apartment didn't explode but my head just might

Although the package I picked up wasn't physically ticking, an emotional bomb went off upon opening it. Already irritated that I had to truck over the ever-so-non-pleasant post office, I tore open the close to weightless package to find my old copy of East of Eden, tee shirt, shorts, every letter I'd ever written P & a short letter he just wrote me before leaving the parking lot. Despite some serious sinus pain from an infection I'd picked up, I went to Modern to clear my head, for non-physical reasons. Sure helped in opening up some blocked passages since I walked into my apartment, picked up his letter, read it again & cried & got angry & hurt & lonely & sad & finally back to numb for the remainder of the night. Sigh. Hopefully, this week will turn out better.
But that's up to me. I have 2 choices: continue to feel sad and angry or get those emotions out & remember that I have ultimate control over how I chose to live my life. The words thrown around 2 weeks ago & then on Saturday were intended to hurt me & they did. I can dwell on them or I can realize that's only one person's perspective & that perspective was the reason things didn't work out in the first place. I guess this just might be the push that I needed to finally move on.


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