ardent bullshit comes down every faultline gushing heavily into jest kindly luscious melons nodding openly post quakes resting still to undermind various wonderous xylophones yawning zealously

Monday, March 07, 2005

Coming to grips with having become my own worst enemy

(that's right, i think i'm in the larvae stage of yuppidom).
The weather gods teased us (seriously, thank you) with a nice hint of spring all day yesterday. Jogging in a long sleeve tee, ice cream melting while eating it since the air was finally warmer than the popular dessert. You know, all of those things that tickle your inside about one of my two favorite seasonal changes. Annuals are beginning to peak their so-green-it-makes-you-hungry heads out of the defrosted ground, welcoming back the sun from 3 months far, far away from the midwest. (actually, distance-wise the sun is closer during the winter. axis angle, rotation...cause coldness, short days...) Persephone's return from the underworld hit full-swing. And as Demeter awoke to the world, this lovely city did as well.
As in normal Sunday fashion, I hauled my laundry to my mom's home as not to get caught in another flashback on 92.3. (omigod, i actually heard bel biv devoe & color me badd in one set list a few weeks ago at ghetto laundry, when i shut my eyes hard enough i actually felt as if i was 11 again, in tights with lace around the ankle & an NKOTB hat, praying, just praying that my crush at the time would ask me to dance with him to a slow song). By 10:50 a, I'd put in >2 miles of jogging when I discovered upon the return to my car that mommy called to let me know that the washer broke, leaving every pair of pants I had with (not including the sweats i was wearing at the time with green paint on them & not until I was in front of a mirror at J Crew did i realize there was a hole in the butt seam-fuckin' hot) soaking wet. "you better run up to Oak Brook & pick up some pants". Thus, I entered the world of capri khakis. I'd put this fashion trend off for quite some time now, seeing as us shorties look like beige oompaloomps in the damn things. While at the most yuppy of all yuppy retailers, I also picked up some new flops, since I couldn't hardly wear capris with the sneaks I had with me (see, there it is).
And the realization didn't happen there. It took yours truely, standing in Whole Foods (wtf? they have an aisle for seeds & i love it) clad in capri khakis, flip flops with the straps consisting of ribbons, a shaped-but-not-slutty striped sweater & tortoise shell, sporty sunglasses on the top of my head acting like a poor excuse for a headband for it to truely sink in. What am I wearing? Where am I shopping? & seriously contemplating purchasing $9 juice to take a step out of my body & see that I am straight on the path to soccermomdom. Justifying this extreme shopping behavior, I tell myself that I like good food & don't really eat all that much, may as well make it high quality. I'll wear these khakis for years... All of this is true, however I must accept rather than try pushing away the fact that I enjoy that shit. Okay, it's out. I want to get married & have kids. Maybe live in the city, maybe the mountains or maybe, just maybe & that maybe's gonna take some coersion on the part of a spouse, a suburb very close to the city. And as I pulled away from that insanely overpriced supermarket with my insanely overpriced $9 micronutrient juice, I finally felt a bit of a comfort about seeing what my future more than likely will look like, and it's really not all that bad. Like the lesson that I've learned & learned & will more than likely have to learn again from time to time, true happiness goes with me where ever I go, it's a matter of having a good attitude & stickin' to things that really do matter. For example, although the temperature went down with the sun, I'll be damned if I wasn't sittin' at the closest thing Hyde Park has to a gay bar with the girls laughing our heads off, singin' to Stevie, sippin' on some beers & donning flops made with ribbons.

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