ardent bullshit comes down every faultline gushing heavily into jest kindly luscious melons nodding openly post quakes resting still to undermind various wonderous xylophones yawning zealously

Thursday, June 30, 2005


Again, no good posting time today but just HAD to blog about this. So quick, quick, quick. I got a picture from a rock star today in the mail & you guys KNOW how much I love rock stars. Man, if I could be a groupie, I would. But I can't, so I won't. Anyhow, I'd sent away for a disc & tee deal, right? We'd moved at work so I wrote this unnamed rock star to say that my address had changed. And so he wrote back saying that he was totally about to it off, okay? And he DID send it off & it got here today. And as a bonus, he sent me a picture of Iceland with a little note on the back (omigod, could he secretly love me just because I have a cool name??? wouldn't be the first time that a rock star liked my name & thought it was sweet. maybe, just maybe, someday a rock star will write a song about my name!), for reals.
Enough. I must go dance with pointed feet.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

No time to blog. Super special prize to anyone who can name all of the Charles in Charge characters in this here picture off the top of their head. No cheating or the Honor Code police will find where you live & irritate you for hours on end by giving you titty-twisters & wet willies. Let the game begin!

Tuesday, June 28, 2005


Being as 24 & 25 were kind of lame, I've decided that no matter what, 26 will rock rock rock like a hurricane. So...
Friday July 8 (my birthday is technically the 7th but that's a Thursday & we all work)
Party Starts @: Cafe Ba Ba Reeba 8:00 in the p.m. for tapas & sangria
The party will then travel to wherever necessary. The Hideout currently holding the strongest possibility thus far because they're having a birthday party already & it'd be so funny to crash a birthday party with another birthday party ha ha ha ha. Hungry Brain is another pretty strong possibility since their jukebox is grrrrrreat. However, Smart Bar tends to attract us late nite drunkards a lot, too, & they have a gyro place across the street. See, since it's MY birthday party, I say 4 a.m. gyros, or not, whatever everybody else wants. So we'll prolly start at the Hungry Brain & go over to Smartbar because that's just where we have birthday parties all the time & everybody can dance funnily & it'll be wonderful!
Prerequisites: You can not be lame. Or if you are lame, you better be ready for some people to turn you unlame. Oooo! Like some kind of conversion or something. We will exorcize the lame demons. ha ha ha ha ha.

Monday, June 27, 2005

meow meow meow meow. I hate waiting for stuff. It's soooo boring.
Friday night Schmale & I ended up at a party with like ALL LAWYERS! Yikes. I figured there'd be a descent amount of people from the department there but not so much. Since we spent 3 hours talking to lawyers, I'll tell a lawyer joke...
This woman was at the doctor for her yearly "lady checkup". The doc said that everything looks fine & asked if she had any questions. Sheepishly, she said, "Actually, yes. I do. My husband really likes anal sex." The doctor responded with, "Well, are you comfortable with it? Do you enjoy it?" The woman said, "Yes, I like it but I have one concern," paused for a moment and continued with, "Can I get pregnant?". The doctor looked at her and responded, "Of course, where do you think lawyers come from?" ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Isn't that one funny? I do have to say that one of the attorneys seemed like a good lawyer, as he works for DCFS, representing children. Good for him.

Good for us that we got a late start on the day & didn't head to the courts until about 10:45 on Saturday morning. Why is this good? If we hadn't been so slow moving, Schmale & I would have missed the funniest man of the month. Here's the story. We grabbed a cup of coffee & were headed south on Kimbark to the courts. From a distance, we could tell that this guy was talking to himself, we just couldn't make it out. A little closer, it kind of looked like he was doing some sort of military-type exercise. Then we realized that he was carrying an umbrella (gorgeous day in the city of Chicago, Saturday was) & holding something in front of his face (cards or a piece of paper, we never figured out that mystery). Out of his mouth, in a gruff tone he's yelling some sort of stream of consiousness type thing. The part that stuck with us was his muttering about pairs & broke out with "Job's daughter runs away. A pair of dirty whores." That, right there, sent both of us into hysterics as soon an we knew that he was out of earshot. That was bizarre. Bizarre, I tell you.

I can not wait until tonight. I'm meeting Karen for Mexican food. I just LOVE Mexican food. It's so good and although I almost always get the same thing, it never gets old. You can't go wrong with 1 cheese & 1 chicken enchilada with sour cream & beans & rice & flan for dessert. Mmmmm...carmel custard, I love you.

Time to read about cancer research.

Friday, June 24, 2005

Learning my future from a cookie...

So, yesterday I went a little nuts with the fortune cookies from lunch (see: no one else wanted them so I ate 5 in a row & didn't feel so well afterwards) & found out lots about my future. For instance: "Happy news is on the way!" (rock on). Plus, that one had an ! & that just revved me up. Here's what I think: there should be more psychic desserts. Another of the fortunes I received yesterday told me that "You will enjoy true success in whatever you do". Obviously, I should go into the psychic dessert business.
On another note, I also had orientation for my new volunteer venture last night from 5:30-9:30 & it made me so excited to start working with kids again. This also means that I skipped ballet last night, which makes me feel like a lazy, fatass. But back to the Orientation. I walked in & saw that a girl at the table had Strawberry Fanta & I was so excited to see that, I almost forgot that I had to sit in a room for 4 hours & miss my favorite night of the week activity. But alas, I came too late for my newest favorite sugar drink & they were all gone so I settled on a Diet Coke to go with my Caesar Salad. Yeah, may I have some carcinogens with my happy earth food, please?
After orientation I felt like I should not quite go home yet. So I called up Juliestacon & she took me to The Pub (I'd never been there before). And I really like the place because it's underground & that's cool & it has about a million kinds of beer. We decided on the Thursday night special of 6 pack for $5 & it was completely worth it. The weird thing is that I'd commented on someone else's blog yesterday that I wasn't making any sense & should probably go drink some Coors to clear my head. And guess what the 6 pack was? Coors Light! The Silver Bullet! And I hadn't had a Coors light in about 8 months, which is just crazy that we had it last night. Well, not so much but whatevs. It still tastes like Coors Light, which tastes a lot like Bud Light & Miller Lite. If they're cold enough, they're good.
So tonight I'm going to a party with Schmale & then we're going to play some tennis tomorrow morning & look at hopefully to-be-condo (if I can talk this lady down from WAY too much money). Oh yeah! The condo that I went to look at is so adorable & I really want it & it's just perfect for me & Merlin.
Oh man! I just got off the phone with Dr. Jerkface & he called to tell me that he sent me an email but that it didn't go through. So send it again, duh! Technology has flaws. Official shenanigans called on his PhD. How are so many of these incredibly smart people acting so dumb? Now because he saw some article, he thinks he's entitled to $1.5x. He's rude & he doesn't listen so I need to motof ahead & find a policy to show him so I can just get this thing out the door & done with.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Recap of my meeting with Dr. Jerkface (he made my eyes well up with tears about a month & a half into working at the place where I work. he's pretty mean). This is the part where we're working on the internal budget page:

Me: so we put your salary here & $x is what it will be as of July 1 @100% effort
Dr. J: no, i want to put down 1 & 1/2 $x because i want to make more money
Me: um, i don't think that we can do that
Dr. J: why not?
Me (in my imaginary world): because you can't just give yourself a 50% raise because you want it, dumbass.
Me (in the real world & totally sissily): you'll want to talk to human resources about that. here's their number.

Seriously, this guy sat in my office & told me that he didn't think that he made enough money & he was going to do something about that. Uh, okay. So now we all want to give ourselves raises because we think we should make more money. Man, this makes me hungry for one of those funnel cakes I ate on Saturday night at the carnival. Totally forgot to mention that. Saturday night I went to one of those neighborhood carnivals for the first time in like 7 years. Too bad they don't have The Zipper anymore (too many people died on it I guess). They do have one of those Ring of Fire things that just spins around in circles. It was fun but the rest of the rides were lame. I did, however, eat enough cotton candy & funnel cake to supply a sweet sugar buzz. Ha ha, I made a pun.

And for the picturo of the dayo. Posted by Hello

Realizations of the Day:
  1. Strawberry Fanta fucking rocks & I should drink more of it
  2. Blisters are possibly the worst thing known to man, as every step hurts. Screw nuclear warfare, we should be working on a system that infects populations with blisters on their feet, nobody'd be able to move.
  3. I can pull together a proposal in about 2 hours if necessary (this one's more of an unfortunate discovery that may end up turning my hair gray if the use of this special talent continues to be used)
  4. The new building takes 4 minutes off of my walk to work in the summertime (wintertime is no time to be sloshing through soccer fields & baseball diamonds)
  5. I should check myself more because I walked all the way to work with my zipper unzipped on my skirt & everyone (whether they wanted to or not) could see my underpants. It was really funny because it got caught quickly. It wouldn't have been so much had I run into some other people.
  6. I think I definitely want to be a housecat (more specifically MY housecat) in my next life. Merlin's got it pretty good & quite possibly gets more love than most children in the US
  7. While doing a little research about Nehru (didn't & still don't know too much about the man) it hit me about the astouding amount of intellectuals from that time period that were socialist. Not downing this at all, just came up with the ponderance of how many bright people missed the almost obvious repercussions & demonstrated a blind view of the inability of the system to work for the masses. on this one.

In other news, tennis was fun last night. Although, I tend to get a bit irritated when the person I'm playing with has absolutely no control over the ball in terms of trying to hit it as hard as possible at no particular point. It may be x-treme tennis but come on, this is no raquetball. Yeah! Summerdance Fest is tonight. I'm gonna boogy a little bit & look at a condo to buy afterwards (the lady sold me with a fireplace & built-in bookshelves around the fp). Will keep you posted.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

I got a whole bunch of kitty pictures in a forward today so you'll be seeing a lot of them Posted by Hello

Dooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood! The last week & a half has been so busy & it doesn't look like it's letting up anytime soon. I like it. So last night was the only free night I have for this here week until Friday night when missy miss is going to a partay. Anyhow, J & I grilled some fish & hung out in her yard after work yesterday. It was the perfect way to spend a Monday evening. So then she had a blind date that was set up by her last roommate, Sandy, & asked me to go along & spy/rescue if necessary. I guess Sandy met this guy over at one of her friend's houses & thought they would make a nice couple. Apparently, when she met him, he was wearing sunglasses inside (note: unless they recently had eye surgery or their eyes are pussing, steering clear of guys who wear sunglasses inside is prolly a wise decision), to which immediately spurred a weary feeling. So I followed her into Jimmy's & sat down & talked to Zach about books & vinyl & such, 'cause I'm a pretty big nerdy nerd & had drank a glass of wine so I was feelin' all smart & stuff. Zach & I kept sneeking into the main room to catch a peek at the blind date fiasco & make sure J didn't look totally petrified. I ended up having entirely too many Miller Lites & didn't pay for more than 1 of them, which kicks ass. So I make it home & J calls to tell me that Sandy set her up with a super Christian guy! He was wearing the thorny crown as a ring. He said that wearing his cross would have been a little too much. Hmmm... and having a ring representative of the thorny crown slips under the "odd radar". Alright. So I'm gonna read s'more guidelines since that's what I'm here for. Too bad they make me tired & I just wanna curl up under my desk & take a nap. Must energize for tennis. I have a big match tonight. Like keeping score & e'rythang, I think.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

My "to do" list has been terribly ignored for other occupying events this weekend. Laundry (check), cleaning (uncheck), cover art (checked a little bit), having fun (3 checks), drinking mass amounts of alcohol (200 checks), not worrying about the future while I'm still young & having fun (a gazillion checks). So maybe it's not all that bad. Regardless, we're moving at work this week & that's gonna suck. I also have a sinking suspicioun (sp?) that Merlin, the testiless-faced cat, will no longer dwell in this universe but instead join the other pets we've loved and lost in our own personal pet semetary (mom's front yard). This pet semetary is full of loved & happy pets, though. Anyhow, this makes me a little sad. You know, that my buddy of 16 years won't greet me at the door. (sigh)
Anyhow, since the parents are out of town I've decided to take full advantage of the time (& their house). Total Risky Business deal. My usual "holy shit, I've gotta work & do all this other stuff" self has taken a vacation to enjoy a Sunday, completely stress-free, doing nothing but play loud music & have a bbq. The party people should be showing up soon. And sadly enough, the party people in which I'm referring are my brother & his girlfriend, who decided to pay a visit to mommy's casa earlier today. Totally cool, seeing as they're the party people I don't have to get dressed up for (glasses & dirty clothes acceptable) & I like them more. Oh man, I feel like I'm in high school again.

So I'm sittin down, guzzling Miller Lites like a mo fo because of several reasons I have no rationalization for. The Nicole Miller (dress I'd pined away for) made more ripples than a tsunami. All good. Thank goodness. However, in my infinite wisdom I thought that I should further extend my stable personality & thus frequent the corner H.. bar. So much fun. So much static. So much running into people I graduated high school with & ignored because we had nothing to talk about in high school let alone at this point. Whatever, I ate a hamburger.

Friday, June 10, 2005

No time to chit chat. We're moving offices next week & I have 2 proposals that just "popped" up. Anyhow, Lady Bunghole would like to wish anyone who actually may possibly glance at this scattered stream of conscienceness a good weekend. Will post form mommy's after le wedding on Saturday night.  Posted by Hello

Thursday, June 09, 2005

In other news: taco bell won in my g.i. experiment of this week. Yeah Taco Bell! Posted by Hello

Ballet & Voodoo, do they go as well together as ice cream & caramel?

Totally in a very silly mood right & really really really hafta work cuz I gots some stuff that's gotta go out lickety split but wanted to post a lil' bit. So an unnamed friend just wrote me about voodooing her exboyfriend's new girlfriend b/c she's pretty darn near perfect from an outside look & that's just irritating as a woman lots of times. From my view, I feel bad for the girl since I know all of the bullshit that the dude pulled on my friend. Gggggrrr... I suggested that we should voodoo him instead. The chickie ain't done shit & will probably get the proverbial turd her on her head once the dude stops acting like someone else. Anyhow, so I start my new Summer Ballet class tonight & am pretty excited but a little freaked since I might be stuck in a class with these 15 year old prima ballerinas like last week. Man, do I ever feel like a big, clumsy fat ass in that class. But that's okay since I'm just there to do my thing & it totally works out these sometimes sad little muscles. Totally pointless post so I'll leave you with this...I'm gonna try to post more pictures (picturos for those spanglish speakers)

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Today=good. Why you ask? Not only has it been hot & sunny (afternoon rainstorm made bonus points) but I got a Grande Skim Vanilla Latte & only paid for a Tall! And my mom is getting me Nuskin & Epipens (to replace the expired ones), free of charge to yours truely.
So the weekend was pretty low key with a trip down to daddy's on Friday (where I got 3 cartons of cigs for $60, shitcha) & midnight drinks @ Jimmy's. Saturday Schmale & I played some good tennis & got caught in a thunderstorm, laughing & skipping the whole way home followed by the HP Art Fair (upscale craft show). Unfortunately, my running shoes were still wet on Sunday so I had to use my old ones, which in turn left a monster blister on my arch & has promoted lack of "exercise" for the last two days. Oh well. I've made a point to walk all over the place which produces about the same results, just not intense cardio.
And I think that I've figured out what I want to do about grad school. I'll get into more detail later but Master's in Latin American Studies is what I'm gonna do. Not pharmacy school, not horticulture. LA Studies will take what I've already studied & expand on it rather than starting from the beginning or getting a degree in something I only feel lukewarm about. Who knows what I'll do with it but that will take care of itself. Just like the Clash is singing right now..."Oh Yeah!"

Friday, June 03, 2005

Since his surgery, I've kept a pretty tight eye on Merlin (last couple nights). You know, make sure that he's eating, drinking water & using his "facilities" properly. He's still a little piggy, H2O consumption monitoring has proven that he is ingesting normal amounts of fluid & his kitty potty will need cleaning tomorrow, which means that he's okay doin' his business. On to the point. Although I generally reserve cleaning for weekends, as I tend to play Pavlovian tricks on my psyche through this chore, last night I decided to shake it up a bit. Unfortunately, Hyde Park Records is still out of the new Lou Barlow. Fortunately, (for my pure enjoyment & their $50 monetary gain) I found both Stevie Wonder albums I've meant to get ahold of for a few years now. As mentioned in a previous post, my brain draws complete blanks upon record store entrance. I chalk it up to the euphorically intoxicated state I tend to catch when I visit a good record store (coconuts, best buy & sam goody need not apply, i just can't get off on you guys). So I danced around my apartment, dusting & singing. Last night's realization: If I ever settle down, he's gotta love Stevie, as I forsee SW as a permanent fixture of regular listening selections.
Talking Heads followed up by Sufjan. Man, some days Radioparadise is just on.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Merlin, the testi-faced cat, is officially (well, once again) testiless. Tuesday night I came home from ballet (turned out to be the most grueling class to date, i loved it) to find that his water bowl had a little bit of blood in it so I cleaned it out & hoped that it was only that night. Yesterday morning I woke up to a find his bowl filled with blood. Which, in turn, filled my eyes with tears at the realization that I could no longer only joke about this. Something needed to be done. So I got him into the vet yesterday afternoon out in the 'burbs. Long story short, he's okay but I'll have to take him back in two weeks to get his stitches removed & for a dental procedure as to prevent an absessed tooth (the main reason that his brother died 2 years ago).
So this made me think...holy shit, I'm the fucking cat lady. Granted, I only have one. But I treat this animal as if he was an actual child. The idea of losing him didn't throw me into hysterics, exactly. However, I blew my hair dry yesterday morning bawling my eyes out & it took me half way to work to stop that insane emotional outburst. What a sissy.