ardent bullshit comes down every faultline gushing heavily into jest kindly luscious melons nodding openly post quakes resting still to undermind various wonderous xylophones yawning zealously

Friday, July 29, 2005

Happy Friday. Happy day. Happy birthday. Happy. Happy. Happy.
Look, just look at that unhappy, miserable-looking cat that looks like someone but kitty-fur uggs on him or something. It also appears to be glaring. At what? Probably the asshole who shaved it.

Kitties are the best. I just love mine. He curls under my arm & purrs me to sleep every night. It's gonna suck when he dies. I might have to get a boyfriend or something to curl up with. Although, I don't think that I'd want him to purr. That's just creepy & wrong. Speaking of creepy & wrong, well, wrong, not so much creepy, there was traffic on the Ryan last night at 12:30. Pretty much stopped traffic, so I decided to get off of the highway & take backroads from ghetto to ghetto. Why in kitty's name would you be on the Ryan at 12:30 on a Thursday night? Because I went over to my friend, Dan's, place to watch a movie. It is called "Gigantic (A Tale of 2 Johns)" or something similar to that. It's about They Might Be Giants & was very, very good. Not better than "Flirting with Disaster" (which I watched on Monday night), just as good but different. However, the movie before, "Aka", was so bad it made like everything else in the world look like a masterpiece. Masterpiece I tell you. Yes, Aka was that bad. Do not watch it unless you plan to throw up a little in your mouth & be really uncomfortable, especially if you're the one who picked out the movie. There is a really funny scene, though, where this old royalty lady whips out her tits & starts waving them around & talking about how perky they are. Other than that, you will ask for your 2 hours back along with the money you paid to rent the most retarded film ever.

So driving through the ghettos I thought...maybe I shouldn't be driving through ghettos in the middle of the night blaring my silly little white girl music. Then the chorus came & I started singing & bobbing my head-like & forgot all about being in the 'hood, which is probably why I shouldn't be driving through there anyway. Oh well. I got home safely. But when I got home & got ready for bed, I looked at my jam-packed, super-important schedule, realizing that I have a mortgage people lending money meeting today at 12. This sucks because although I forgot that, I did remember that we are ordering pizza for lunch today. Free food. Score. Maybe if I beg & plead the rest of my office people will save some for lil ol me.

Tonight's GAME NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is the first Game Night I've ever been to with these new people. We were supposed to play Family Feud. Now we're not. That'll be next week. Ah next week. So far away but getting closer every moment. One more moment closer to a nap. Ah, a nap. I had another doctor's appointment this morning. They checked my tb skin test & gave me another one & started a round of hepatitis inoculations. So once again, I got like 4 hours of sleep last night. Tonight's going to be different, though. I have to look smashing for Dave's wedding tomorrow. Smashing. So smashing that I'm going to pretend that I'm rich all night becuase I don't have a date & am all independent-like & I just didn't want to really bring anyone. Which is actually a bit of truth. Had I NEEDED a date, I could have found one. But then rumors start about sexual orientation & shit. So whatever. I'm gonna look hot. And that men like crawl all over me but I just don't have the time or patience & don't want to break their hearts & stuff 'cuz I'm a super-nice person. Nobody's gonna buy that but they might pretend to. I'll just let them wonder what's going on in my life. Maybe I'll write a sign for around my neck that says that I'm in mime school so I can't talk. Awesome. Awesome. Awesome. Mime school.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

I want Charles in Charge of Me

Since the post is no longer showing, the answer to the last trivia question will now be revealed. Too bad ANOTHER super-special prize goes unclaimed. Fine then, I'll just keep the life-sized cardboard cut-out of Scott Baio. I was even going to throw in an exotic Hawaiian lei so that he could be "Party Chuck" sometimes.
Back (l2r): Lillian, Walter, Buddy
Middle (l2r): Jamie, Charles, Sarah
Bottom: Adam (or Adaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam if you're Sarah or Jamie)

Sigh. You know I'm about to just give up. Give up, I tell you! I post these great trivia questions & no one answers them. It's like nobody cares. You know?

You know what else? I'm not a quitter. This is proven. I'm going to continue to post fun, creative trivia. Ain't nothin' gonna break my stride. Nobody's gonna hold me down. Oh no. Oh NO!

On the way to the gym yesterday I looked over at Con & said "Omigod, I'm totally going to blog about that tomorrow". The topic being so interesting that I decided to dedicate a whole posting to it. Guess what? I fucking forgot what we were talking about. Goddamnit.

So I'm going to talk about dreams instead. No, not the "what I wanna be when I grow up/I'm gonna save the world/if only I could be a cracked out supermodel" dreams. I mean the real ones. The ones that mean something. The ones that happen when you're sleeping. I had a dream last night that I got to work to find that they were having a meeting & laughing & smiling until I walked in the door & then they got all not as laughy & said that they must have forgotten to email me about the meeting. Maybe they had a secret meeting last night & I picked up on it psychicly. That's fine, because I was at home listening to the rain & catching up with some friends & being all arty & cleany & stuff. I think, maybe, no more art projects right before bed, though. That activity tends to deactivate the time release on unconsious creativity. So many crazy dream floods.

It rained last evening/night for a much needed cool-off. So I woke up this morning with Merlin, the testiless-faced cat, under my arm to a crisp, unhumid morning. I breathed deeply & took it all in while walking to work, knowing that I wasn't going to arrive today all stinky & sweaty from a mere 12 minute stroll & then have people hold their noses when they walk by & give that look. You know that look. Like you-really-don't-deserve -to-wear-such-cute-clothes-if-all-you're-gonna-do-is-stink-'em-all-up look. Autumn oh Autumn, you will arrive to open arms this year. Speaking of seasons, I should listen to more Vivaldi. Next time it rains I'll put Vivaldi on my iPod & jump in puddles until I get robbed for an iPod that they guys who rob me won't even want & I can point & laugh, jumping up & down in the puddle yelling "you dumbass, you're gonna frickin' HATE the music that's on there. ha ha ha ha!" And then they'll shoot me because that's what people do in the ghetto. I did jump in puddles the whole way home from the gym, just not with the iPod (which is how I'm writing you right now because I'm not dead or anything). Hop, hop, hop. Splash, splash, splash. Fun, fun, fun. Then I thought...hmmm, maybe this isn't so sanitary. This is the city & it's pretty dirty & I can't quite see to the bottom of that puddle. Maybe this could lead to acquiring a disease. But then I jumped in another puddle as I pondered this & came up with a new puddle-jumping rule. Check for needles before jumping. So I now I'm checking for needles before I jump in a puddle. No needle, good to go. Needle, no jumping in that puddle, check the next one.

I'll leave you with this: Sing a song over the phone & risk the other line hating the song because of the maybe not so fitting voice on the other line or make them wait to get the cd in the mail, even though you KNOW this person NEEDS to hear the song & you probably won't get around to sending it to them within the next month? Confession: I sang Lodestar to Miller last night (spoiler: I'd had a little bit of wine).

Monday, July 25, 2005

Another weekend, another $100 for a hangover. Comeon, now, why all the melancholy about having a rockin' good time? Well, to be honest, none at all. It's just that it's raining out & that makes me want to curl up in bed with a book & movies & tomato soup & grilled cheese sammiches. Holy shit, it just happened. I've gotten my first glimpse of "man, I want fall to be here & winter to come so I have an excuse to bundle up & sleep for like 10 hours/night & hide out for 3 months". Sweaters, all those snuggley sweaters.

Snap! Back to summer & enjoying wearing minimal amounts of clothing. This past summer weekend, Lollapalooza came to town. Perry & the gang turned Grant Park into a who's who up & coming in the music business. Well, this would have been acheived had the line up been presented 10-12 years ago. Now it played more of the part of a Reunion Festival.

Spectac: Pixies, Pixies, Pixies, Dino Jr., Digable Planets, Dandy Warhols, Spoon, finding out that the Exchequer Pub on Wabash is just as awesome as I suspected in high school, gyros @ 3 a.m., getting hit on by a guy wearing a Ted Nugent tee-shirt because he really does like The Nuge, surprise sober rides when you think you'll have to cab it home, sleeping in a car on the way home, people sporting their Lolla gear while at the concert (ha ha ha ha ha)

Would have been spectac if.....you wouldn't have asked for audience participation (Cake) I can stay home & sing to the album & save about $50...the crowd wasn't full of lamoids (Arcade Fire) Not my fav band by any stretch of the imagination however, Funeral's a pretty good pop album. Too bad pop fans ruin everything (see: Liz Phair).

Please make this stop: Kid's area. I'm not saying leave your kids at home. Bring them with, kids rule. They're the best. Kid's tents need to stay at home, though. Kiddie fucking yoga. Seriously.

So all in all, worth it for the acts, detested it for the crowd. Intonation blew Lolla out of the water. Cheaper & better beer, free water, funnel cakes, red mesh-shirt guy, 1/4 of the price for a ticket. Also, last week I started off in a good mood. This week, not so much, & I can't quite put my finger on it. Hhhmmm, why am I so crabby? Crabby crabby crab crab. Boo. Cheese, cheese will make me happy.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

The Best


You know what's the best? Coming in to work to find out that they are buying you lunch. You know when this is the best? When you forgot to make your lunch. You know what else is the best? Friends. You know what's the worst? Assholes. Assholes are just the worst. Since they are the worst, I will no longer talk about them & instead talk about the best stuff some more. Shrimp in lobster sauce is on it's way to the office as I write & my tummy is so excited about this that it's taken over my brain & chinese food is all I can think about right now. I've never had Shrimp with Lobster sauce so this is going to be an adventure. Adventures are the best, too. As I see it, there are a lot of bests around so there's really no reason to dwell on the worsts when there are so many bests I haven't even experienced yet. Sorry about that little rant. I had to run into a couple of the worsts this week & in an attempt to block out saddy sadness & irritation at a big huge asshole, I'm going to plug my ears & say "la la la la la la". It's all okay & I'm just acting like a big baby. It's not like anyone died over it but somebody almost did & that's why I'm sad not angry. Anger is for the assholes. Okay, now I'm really done talking about assholes.

So my friend, Jill, was in a really, really bad car accident on Monday & she really should be dead according to physics but she's not (take that Newton). She's not doing so hot, though & has a whole lot of broken bones, including her pelvis & pubic bone (hee hee, pubic) & some vertabrae & her liver's a little messed up. She's in a lot of pain. I saw her Tuesday & Wednesday nights at the hospital & feel bad that I can't go back until Monday. We're gonna hang out some more, watching some movies & stuff. She's not going anywhere for a while. So she was feeling a little better yesterday, saying things like "mother fucker" and "goddamn this shit". You always know someone is feeling better when they start swearing again. She was also trying to fart last night. She wasn't successful & she said that hurt now, too. Poor Jill. I sure do love her & am really really glad that she's going to live for a while longer. Living is the best.

Please wear your seatbelt & don't drink & drive because it's not a good thing to do.

I made up a poem last night on my way to Con's. I was walking through this church garden at like 10 so it was dark, only they had some bright lights on the garden & I thought. God? Nah, Edison. So I stood & looked at the pansys & a lone sunflower (oh, were they ever pretty) & thought....
If I were homeless I would sleep in a flower garden.
And when it got cold, I'd go to the shelter.
So that's the poem. Profound, huh? I think I need to expand on it a little.

So I still need a date for this wedding that I'm going to next weekend. This has become much more difficult than I'd originally anticipated. Why doesn't anyone want to go with me? I'm fun, I'm hot (just look at the portrait of me in ballet class above!). God, why? And then I realized that other people have plans with their lives, too. Oh well. Maybe I'll meet the man of my dreams at the wedding & then we'll get married someday. And then I'll divorce him & take all of this money & get myself a piece of young, fresh meat. Be like a sugar ma ma & have a house in Aspen & stuff.

I just bought Lou Barlow "Emoh" on iTunes. So far, so good. That is if you like guitars & voices. I do, so that's awesome. Porch Music 2005 is done other than drawing a bunch of covers. Man, am I dumb for deciding to be all artsy & stuff. I think I'll do that after ballet tonight because I'm gonna take one to my brother's tomorrow night. He's having a little cd release party at his place for Porch Music 2005. I think there's gonna be like 4 people there. It's gonna be awesome. Actually it's gonna be more like a party because I have my drug test tomorrow for volunteering. But we're going to play the cd, too. Lunch is here. Thank Edison because I thought I was going to starve.

Monday, July 18, 2005


Guess what I did this weekend. Hint: it was in a park but had nothing to do with kites. That's right! I listened to music in a park, sweat my ass off & drank the beer in the picture on the left. Yummy. Intonation Fest went down at Union Park this weekend & man was it great & horrible all in the same (mostly sooo great). Most of the bands provided at least mild entertainment. Some spanked ass. Some sucked ass. And man, oh man, was there ever a whole lot of fun costumes floating around. And I officially do not like heavy metal & will no longer tolerate listening to it. It hurts my head & makes me feel angry. gggrrrrrr...

My pal, Leo, was there on Saturday & I finally got a chance to talk with him for a little bit. Yeah Leo! He was wearing silver sparkley socks (wha?) so I inquired because inquiring minds want to know. He explained that since he moved back out to Seattle, he's been hanging out with some of his Burning Man friends (I asked if he'd met Jaimers but he didn't think that he had, this is too bad because I think they'd get along fabulously) & they're all about silver sparkley stuff. Something about aliens or something. It was hard to hear with an annoying heavy metal band in the background giving me a headache. (don't get me wrong, like what you like, just don't make me like it)

Yesterday someone else was the designated driver so I was the determined drinker. I outdid myself & fancied myself very fun & smart, dissecting pods from a tree & talking about the seeds inside. (fast forward to this morning: hhhmmmm...why is there gook under my thumbnails? did the gook gnomes visit me in the night? why? why? why? oh yeah, splitting pods open with my thumb maybe wasn't such a smarty idea. oh well, i look like a gardener) Lesson learned: you sound even stupider when you're thinking that you sound smart when you're a little boozy than if you just act like the moron that you are at the time. Then I ate at a good mexican restaurant called Nueva Leon & got to check out my friend, Dan's, new apartment. That rat bastard has 2 bedrooms for one person & has stolen my dream of having a 2 bedroom just for me so that one of the bedrooms could be converted into a music/dance studio. (dear dan, i want my dream back you dream-stealing person luv, emily p.s. you should probably sleep with one eye open from now on) And he has cenral air and in unit washer/dryer. I told him that I would cook him dinner if I could use his washer/dryer every once in a while. I don't think he's gonna go for it because I think he knows that I can't cook so well (main argument put forth by my stepmom as to why i will not find a husband). Hmmm...maybe if I hit it from the ice cream angle. I know he has a soft spot for ice cream. The obstacle here is not eating the ice cream before I get it to his house.

Okay, okay, okay. It looks like it might rain outside which would be g-reat since chicago looks like it might just burst into flames with all of the heat & dead grass. Plus, I would really like to have a thunderstorm. I just love those, cuddled in someone's arms, farting on their legs & laughing at them when they make a gross face. ha ha ha ha! And I'll leave you with this...farts are underrated. Discuss.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Yeah! Time for another Top 5 list (you guys know how much I love them, remember christmas?)
Top 5 best birthday presents of 2k5:
  1. Emertron underpants (juliestacon made me underpants with "emertron" on my left hip & "hot robot date" on the ass, she rules as much as strawberry fanta) but I think I already told y'all how I walked around Jimmy's handing out pink frostinged cupcakes, showing people the top of my left hip. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!
  2. Friday night's party. 2nd most fun birthday party (my own) of my life
  3. A little green iPOD & a bike (thanks mommy!!!)
  4. Tons of kisses from hot hot people
  5. Booze, lovely, intoxicating booze

Top 5 worst birthday presents of 2k5:

  1. A hangover
  2. Not getting some booty (although I was a little too wastered to enjoy it)
  3. Getting kind of broke up with the day after
  4. A card (nameless)
  5. A hangover (it was a really bad one. one that required a bloody mary pre 2 p.m.)

As a bit of a consolation prize, I did get the offer of booty last night. Uh, we don't need to hear that. Yes you do, here's why...because it didn't come from a homeless drunk man. Score (although I didn't). So anyhow, enough narcissism (sp?) for one day.

Tonight we're headed up to Ravinia to listen to Lyle Lovett. Wine, cheese, grapes & Lyle. Yeah!

Thursday, July 07, 2005


Since it's my birthday I officially declare this day dedicated to eating, drinking, eating again & falling asleep. (and running with the bulls but that's only if in pamplona) I will begin my personal e.d.e.s. cycle roughly 8:50 p.m. at Jimmy's with a hot dog & Miller Lite. Until then, I have lots of work to do, followed by dance class. Will letcha know how Emertron & Juliestacon hold up tonight, as it is only a precursor to what'll be going down in le city in le tomorrow.
HAPPY DAY TO ALL!!!!!!!
**if you feel inclined to send presents/money/booze, please inquire as to my shipping address for such appreciated items**

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Yeah! I love birthdays! Just love them to bits & pieces because it gives you a chance to catch up with people who you haven't talked to all year other than on their birthday! My old pal, Brad, sent me a little text message today wishing me a happy birthday. He's off because it's tomorrow but this is great because I lost Brad's phone number when I switched phones two phones ago. Oh good. Brad & I must see each other soon. I'm putting my foot down on that one.
Birthday plans changed. Babareeba's booked to the party's been officially moved to Bob San's.
What I've learned so far today: Potato salad can give you some serious gas and using your mouth as an oscillating fan does not (I repeat DOES NOT) really help out with the diffusion process in an 8x10 office. Folder waving, on the other hand, does help, but is noisy & noticeable. Oh man, Summerdance is gonna be fun tonight.