ardent bullshit comes down every faultline gushing heavily into jest kindly luscious melons nodding openly post quakes resting still to undermind various wonderous xylophones yawning zealously

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

IT'S HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh Happy! Oh Joy! Oh Bliss! Oh Wonderful, Wonderful, Wonderful Day!!!!!! Yesterday was one of my happiest days of the year. That day, every year, when the world comes alive with absolute ridiculousness.

I got my Neiman Marcus Christmas Book.

First things first...FANTASY GIFTS!!!! Last year they sold a zeppelin. Yeah, like the Hindenburg but hopefully won't blow up & stuff. John Travolta bought one. They also had 1.2 million dollars worth of diamonds as a present. And they had matching his & her Lexi & a whole bunch of other awesome gifts. I feverishly turned the glossy pages, searching for the gifts that start at $20,000 & go up from there.

Disappointment.

This year's catalogue sucks with capital S-U-C-K-S. When would you need his & hers photobooths? Don't get me wrong. I could definitely enjoy one. But two? No no no. That's just stupid. So they have some new hybrid Lexus (dear NM, you'd have to be pretty dumb to buy the prototype). Then some hover car, which could be cool but I but it sucks because that's a prototype, too. And a railroad train for your back yard & vintage jewelry & a levitating sculpture & some Indy car simulation. One of the most expensive gifts is a private concert with "Sir" Elton John. Um, yeah, $1.5m for Crocodile Rock? I'll pass on that. There is one cool thing, though. It's a "Tree Sculpture", which is a fancy way to say "Tree House". That would be pretty awesome. Some Swiss Family Robinson-like, adult playhouse type thing in your back yard. Shitcha!

Upon exhaustion from such an anticlimactic Christmas Book & a hard jog, I decided that if I'm good & wholesome that maybe god will make the Christmas Book much better next year. So I made egg salad & took a bath & went to bed. Or maybe I'll just write a little letter to Neiman Marcus & suggest that they make their Christmas Book unsucky next year.

Update: knee-length khaki w/ a slit up the left side skirt will soon be a mini with a small slit up on the left thigh. Also, so far...no Chicken McNuggets.

2 Comments:

Blogger erin said...

how much for the backyard train? my dad would absolutely die.

10:47 AM

 
Blogger emertron said...

It starts at a mere $200k. Drop in the bucket, right?

1:55 PM

 

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