ardent bullshit comes down every faultline gushing heavily into jest kindly luscious melons nodding openly post quakes resting still to undermind various wonderous xylophones yawning zealously

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Worst Tuesday Morning This Week

Mother Nature greeted Chicago with a wonderful, crisp, sunny morning. Breathe in. Breathe out. So I put on one of my fav skirts (the pencil-style khaki one with the slit) & headed to work. Just can't help smiling trot, trot, trotting to work listening to Broken Social Scene. Does life get any better?

I got up to my office & greeted coworkers with cheery "Good morning"s & smiles. As ritual, turned on my computer & started to change my shoes. "Hmmmm....that's funny." I thought as I looked at my left calf to find what appeared to be 4 dark marks created by some sort of substance. I didn't think that I was attempting to bleed myself when I shaved this morning but you know how mornings & razors mix. Not always so well. To my surprise, it didn't wipe away from the kleenex & water trick. (ancient chinese recipe of cleaning things) This is when I realized the my right calf was covered in what appeared to be some sort of splattered dark substance. Did I throw hash oil all over my legs this morning? Omigod. I'm dying. That's it. Call the priest so I can tell him that religion is a crock of shit. Then it dawned on me...**th Street is getting repaved. While overzealously walking (& smiling at that) I managed to get TAR all over the back of me. I tarred myself. Thanks flip flops.

You can't bring me down.

So I go downstairs to make about 5.3 million copies of budgets & stuff to find that there's a sign. This sign, unlike the one for the water park a couple weeks ago, was not a good one. Sorry for the inconvenience, my ass. Back to the crappy upstairs copier to find that it's out of toner.

Now I'm starting to get pissed.

"When's the copier getting fixed?"

"Uh, like 2 days or so."

So I'm running around trying to find a copier, any copier, so I can copy this stuff to turn in, to wait, to change what needs to be changed, to COPY, to send to several federal agencies. WITH TAR ALL UP MY BACKSIDE & the knowledge that a year's worth of looking for this adorable skirt will be be flushed down the ol' toilie when, after 3 washes tonight, I will sit in the basement laundry room, slouched over, crying into my tarred skirt. Goddamn you, tar. Goddamn you.

Surprisingly, though, I'm still in a great mood. Must be the crack.

Now that's the kind of story I like. You looking like a complete ass. Hey, I thought you were going to Conti's blog? He wasn't writing anything. How about you try Erin's? Maybe I'll do that. Do you want me around anymore? Did you bring me Chicken McNuggets? No. Well then, I guess you got your answer.


Blogger erin said...

how about some harold's chicken? chicken 'n' porn.

10:00 PM

Blogger emertron said...

I've only had Harold's once. It was a'ight (you see, Harold's is in the ghetto so I've gotta use the ghetto slang. word.). There's something so unnatural about Chicken McNuggets that makes them irresistible. Mmmm...nuggets.

I'm totally down with the chicken & porn thing, though.

10:32 AM


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