ardent bullshit comes down every faultline gushing heavily into jest kindly luscious melons nodding openly post quakes resting still to undermind various wonderous xylophones yawning zealously

Monday, October 31, 2005

Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na WAITING


Lookie here, Lil' Angel ting, I gots two tings to sayda you.

First, them's some sweet wings.

Two, if you don't get that fuuuckin' flame away from my nuts, you ain't gonna be around here fa too much longa.

You got me?


Does anyone know Hungarian? I think that's in Hungarian. Or rather, Nick thinks it's in Hungarian & he knows that kind of linguistic stuff.

Big Day.

Remember how I moved, yeah? How my old place was all cheap & stuff but I wasn't all that safe & there were gangs on the street corners & people called me a "wench" & the psychotic neighbor followed me some places & how it was haunted?

Maybe I should summon my old ghost for Halloween tonight.

Anyway, I woke up this morning to these news people across the street of my fabulous new apartment. Woah! Did I win the lottery & forget? I was pretty drunk on Saturday night. Maybe I've been "discovered" by a modeling agency & they want to sign me but they want to do it on local television because they know how hot I look in the morning on my way to work. Omigod! Johnney Depp finally realized what I've known forever & is here to sweep me off my feet & take me to Europe & live forever without a care in the world.

None of the above.

Turns out there have been like 15 armed robberies & assaults within like a block & a half from my house within the last month & a half. DANGEROUS! A SERIAL ATTACKER! You know what this means? That my deep-seeded fear of serial people (namely killers) is totally grounded & there are a couple exboyfriends that owe me an apology (A P O L O GY, mother fuckers) for laughing at me when I said that I have a fear of serial people. So the super-smart news people throw guess who's street up on the camera like "hey serial gang assaulters! this is where you want to go!". Sheesh! And now my mom's gonna freak out & be like "see I TOLD YOU you should get a boyfriend. then you wouldn't be alone all the time. please, won't you finally just settle down?"

Pahleeeeeaaase!

So after I found this out I was creeped out a little bit & a little sad that my fantastic new apartment has a major flaw right now. But then Nick told me about this article & it made my day all better. Is it sad to feel better about yourself when you see something dumb that a celebrity did?

Tomorrow's another deadline. Who wants to take me out for beers?

12 Comments:

Blogger Ajax said...

Who is this Nick person?

10:57 AM

 
Blogger ica said...

You live in Chicago. There are pretty much armed robberies and assaults on a daily basis within a 1/4 mile radius of anywhere. They're focusing on your area right now in the media but it's still safer than basically the entire city. I think Hyde Park is one of the safest neighborhoods.

Google ICAM and you can look at fun crime stats.

11:03 AM

 
Blogger emertron said...

HI IS NOT MIKE CONTI.

However, you can find his blog at www.nickhasablog.blogspot.com.

11:53 AM

 
Blogger Ajax said...

Who is Hi?

1:09 PM

 
Blogger emertron said...

Um, Hi is a typo.

Hi=NICK.

Uhhh, I think I need some more coffee.

2:34 PM

 
Blogger Ajax said...

That's a really funny picture of you with wet pants. Is that from karaoke?

2:49 PM

 
Blogger emertron said...

Yeah. Isn't it a good one? I"m all like "Whaaaa????" Peeing in your pants is an awesome party trick. But it's winter time coming up & peeing in your pants gets REALLY cold in the winter so I'd like to learn how to stop when I wanted to.

Hey! You potty trained Genghis, right? Could you teach me how to potty train myself? I had really bad parents.

3:36 PM

 
Blogger Ajax said...

First lets work on your 'spit up' problem.

One thing at a time, you know.

4:14 PM

 
Blogger emertron said...

Sounds good.

Man, am I ever glad I got a blogg. So many useful life-skills!

4:15 PM

 
Blogger emertron said...

Jess: I realize that it's a pretty common occurence around anywhere (especially cities). However, I am always shocked & sad when I hear of such doings. Maybe someday I will grasp exactly why some people intentionally hurt others but for right now, I'm content in my naiveity & don't really want to know the inside of some brains. Call me silly but I like to believe that all people have the potential of positive contribution. I guess it's all a matter of choice & free will.

5:52 PM

 
Blogger nk said...

Can you listen to me very carefully? Good. You should join a gang. They're always low on cute girls, and you'll be certain to be protected from crime.

Plus, did you ever see Kill Bill Vol. 1? Lucy Liu was pretty much the hottest gang leader ever, minus that part where she gets her scalp cut off.

6:03 PM

 
Blogger emertron said...

Perhaps you're on to something.

6:11 PM

 

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