ardent bullshit comes down every faultline gushing heavily into jest kindly luscious melons nodding openly post quakes resting still to undermind various wonderous xylophones yawning zealously

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Being There


GO SEE THIS MOVIE.

**Since I want to give away none of the plot, I must leave it at that. I can say that you'll probably like it. I thought it excellent. If you want to talk about it after you see it (or if you've already seen it), hit me up.**

**If you would like to bring me dinner at work tonight, I'd appreciate that, since I'll be here late. Gyro & strawberry milkshake from Sammy's would be key**

**I'm going to stop using asteriscks (sp?) now & get back to work**

Monday, January 30, 2006

Cat Blog


A very nice person got me my favorite flower today. Thanks Mary.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Introductions


So for like a year I've been all...Merlin the Testi-faced cat this & Merlin the testiless-faced cat that. You see, he had a gray, testicle-looking thing on the side of his face for a while (for total reals, you could ask anyone who saw it). Turns out it was a cyst. And no, I'm not a bad pet-haver & didn't do anything about it. The vet said that it was harmless & to leave it alone unless something happened, since he's so old & stuff (he'll be 17 in the spring...wow!) because we want to avoid any sort of unnecessary anesthetic (sp?). So in May or so something happened & he had it removed. He is now Merlin, the testiless-faced cat.

He is adorable.

But you already know that. So we were sitting around the other day 'shooting the shit'. You know, like 'hey merlin...how was your day' & he was all 'merrooooooooow' & I was all 'really? no way! that's wild! I had to deal with Dr. Jerkface again but he's not so much of a jerkface & trying to change his salary this time around. he just calls me like 70-hundred times a day to tell me that he's not done with his proposal but whatevs'. He gave the same look as always when I come home but a little sad. So I sat down next to him & asked what was wrong. He let out a long deep 'mooooowoooooooooow'. Since I don't know cat (goddamnit) so much & have to interpret a lot of it, I did. I took it as 'hey lady, you've had that fucking camera for like 4 weeks & have taken about 3 million pictures of me but have posted absolutely no pictures (other than that one of my paws & the one where I'm in the dark almost completely under your dining room table) of me on your stupid blog'. This threw me for a little bit of a loop since cats don't usually know about technology & stuff but hey, you never know what he is actually doing while I'm at work. He's a smart little fucker & has completely trained me to do what he wants.

Thus, dear blogosphere, meet Merlin.

p.s. This post brought to you by a tough ballet class & working from home (sucking out all creativity) at 10 p.m.

Monday, January 23, 2006

And the Sun rose, with so many colors it nearly broke my heart


Do you know what today is?

Yeah, Monday, dumbass.

Not only Monday...2 very special things are happening today.

Do they have to do with you making an ass out of yourself?

Nope. Well, I do have a meeting with Faculty this afternoon that I'll be participating in so it would be the perfect time for a major allergy attack. So well, maybe. Ha ha. I did make an ass out of myself when I was *ed & drunk with my bro & cousin at our family reunion this weekend when I exited on the wrong floor. But at least I remember going to bed, which Scott does not. Ha ha...'did i wake you up last night when I was coming in?'...'uh, we had a conversation'.

Back to business.

First, it's Con's birfday. HAPPY BIRFDAY CON!!!!!!!!!!!!

And second...drum roll...in T-7 hours the presence of 1 Miss Jaimers will be in The Bookmobile. For reals. Can you believe it? So for the next 2 months 1 Miss Jaimers will be in the city of Chicago to grace us with all of her wonderfulness & beauty & love & trapezing & arting & just plain fantastic-personness!!!!!!

So excited I think my head might explode!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, January 20, 2006

Guns Don't Kill People, Grant Administrators Kill People


Question of the Day: Why can't people follow instructions?

That's it.

If you can answer this for me, I will love you forever & ever.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

I Know What I Know

Woah! Where did the time go? Like a whole week here & gone. Whoosh! Well, let me tell you where the time went...

An African safari? NO! Walking the whole of The Great Wall? NO! Tornado chasing? Double NO! Tornados occur in the Spring & Fall (duh!). Adventures in outer space? Well, kinda but not the kind you're thinking of. No, for reals, working (& a little lotta bit of dancing). Illustrious adventures in the not-so-fast lane.

But OMG, you know what? Remember how I was all excited about the FREE laundry in the basement of the building where I live? Hoax. Total hoax. On Monday, while observing MLK, Jr Day by nonviolently resisting work, I went downstairs to the washer/dryer & found a sign. Now, some signs are awesome. Like the signs on the parking meters that say that it's out of order so you don't have to pay, which becomes even more awesome when you have zero quarters with you, meaning that you won't have to go beg the nearest convenient store for quarters & only end up like 5 minutes late to where you're supposed to be.

Don't I know you from the cinematographer's party?

No. Not like that. It was a THREATENING sign! It was like 'stay away from this laundry machine you cheap-ass moocher. yeah you know who you are, fuckhead'. Well, it wasn't that bad but it informed me that the machine went with the basement apartment's lease & that if I used it I would get a $100 fine. $100 fine! That's more than I've paid in parking tickets my whole life. (Total to date...$25, not including that stupid 'street sweeper' that we all know doesn't exist). Maybe if I'm really nice & sweet & bake some cookies or something I'll get to use it every once in a while if an Emergency Load is in order. (see: load with that one shirt that you really want to wear because you have a date that night & are sure that if you wear it that you'll get laid...comeonnow ladies, we all have THAT shirt, mine is endearingly named 'the hot shirt')

There's something about you that really reminds me of money.

Confused about the future I consulted the mystical Magic 8 Ball. The answer turned out grim: signs point to no. So now it looks like I will have to pay for laundry. What is this world coming to? Next thing you know we'll have to pay for our own retirement.

She was the kind of girl who could say things that weren't that funny.

So, I think that if I ever had to be a stripper I would 'dance' to Portishead or Soul Coughing 'Super Bonbon'.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Story Time!


Sorry for the cop-out post. Deadline time=here again.

One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly in his White House bed.
He awakens to see George Washington standing by him. Bush asks him,
"George, what's the best thing I can do to help the country?" "Set an
honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises, and
then fades away.


The next night, Bush is astir again, and sees the ghost of Thomas
Jefferson moving through the darkened bedroom. Bush calls out, "Tom,
please! What is the best thing I can do to help the country?" "Respect
the Constitution, as I did," Jefferson advises, and dims from sight.


The third night sleep is still not in the cards for Bush. He awakens to
see the ghost of FDR hovering over his bed. Bush whispers, "Franklin,
what is the best thing I can do to help the country?" "Help the less
fortunate, just as I did," FDR replies and fades into the mist.


Bush isn't sleeping well the fourth night when he sees another figure
moving in the shadows. It is the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Bush pleads,
"Abe, what is the best thing I can do right now to help the country?"
Lincoln replies, "Go see a play."

Thursday, January 12, 2006

News Flash!!!


bee beep bee beep bee bee bee beep beep beep!

Heat Wave...Chicago is not only feeling a nice, above-freezing day, the sun is out. Holy Moly, it's January. Chicago's not supposed to see any sort of sunlight for at least 2.5 more months & it should be as cold as cold can be right now. It's supposed to be all icky & drab & ho hum around here & so we get all depressed & mope around & not pick up our feet so much when we walk. Operation Hibernation will just have to be aborted temporarily.

So not only did I have to wear sunglasses walking to work & didn't need mittens & could still feel my very tiny fingers (seriously, my hands are like the size of a 10 year old's), I get in ON TIME for morning meetings about budgets & forms & deadlines & stuff and THEN find the following (compliments of philogynist).

Apparently, CN (that's Chuck Norris for all of you not hip to the scene) has taken the time out to write about these 'rumors' being spread around about him on the internet. Wait, what? Chuck Norris Fun Facts are 100% totally true. I think maybe this is just his way of staying humble, you know? Which is part of his amazingness. But he won't admit it because comeonnow, let's face it, once you start talking about how humble you are, you just blew the deal. Or maybe it's just a good way for him to plug his books or something. (no!) But then I kept reading & came across this part, which shattered my faith & hope in CN. Walker is a friend of Billy Graham.

I'm going to go cry in a ball under my desk now.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Behold...THE HOFF


Okay, that was enough fun for this hour. I have to get back to work now.

p.s. goddamnit, he's supposed to move. i don't have time to fuck with it right now so hit me up if you want the .gif

p.p.s. thanks again, westwash.

Monday, January 09, 2006

Birfday wishes...


HAPPY BIRFDAY MISS ALISON!!!!! Hope you know that you're #1. See you tonight at the pub!

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Blood Makes Noise

Yay! Happy half birthday to me! Wait, what? Half birthday? May be what you are thinking right now. Yes, half birthday. Ever since childhood half birthdays have been celebrated. Coincidentally, mine lies right after Christmas. The reason that this is so great is that what I didn't get for Christmas my mom usually gets me for my half birthday.

Spoiled brat.

Yes, yes. No doubt about it. However, at this point it's more of a reason for mom to take me out to breakfast after Saturday morning ballet & spend time together.

So sweet it'll give you a cavity.

So a month has gone by without normal routines & I must admit that I missed them, despite a severe spontaneous streak in yours truely. Namely the Friday night dinner & chill time with dear Miss Alison. After the zoom zoom zoom of the holidays, being here & there & all over the place, as well as being as sick as I remember being in quite some time, laying on the couch, swearing that my left eardrum was perferating once again. What a mess that would have made! But with a good 70% hearing back (reading lips is a pain in the ass) & a set dance schedule, I once again feel like life is normal. Or at least kind of. And all of this off-time, laying on the couch, in my head willing things to go to people (holy crap, I have a whole bunch of shit), I got to thinking...reallocation.

Not so much a believer in resolutions, as behavioral difference tend to come after awareness & subconcious changes, I evaluated. Ah, quarter year evaluation. And since a nirvana of any sort is yet to prevail I came up with some of the following improving factors...

First, keep in better touch with friends. This has not become an issue but for the last 9 months or so. Lately I've found myself returning telephone calls later than usual with the explanation that once I got on the phone it'd be more time to devote than I had between then & an appointment.

Second, input cds into my hard drive. Sounds simple enough but turns out quite time consuming. However, the benfit of this is two-fold. Not only will I have more to listen to on my way to work (selfish motivation) but can also easily put together packages to people (nk in mind here) & make mixes much easier than before.

Third, find more interesting activities in the city. Having lived here for the majority of my life I've found myself rutting in the same things that make me happy. So I guess it could also be said to broaden my horizons again in the endless possibilities of a city that offers so much. Although I do so love Symphony Center & the Art Institute, there are many other places to visit.

And in conclusion, I'm going to the zoo.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Feel like too much crap to think up a title

The following scene was occuring in my body at roughly 2 a.m. this morning. I warn you, it is not pretty...And when I find you. You know who you are, person walking around with day-old cold, still highly contagious, well, I'll just scowl at you & shake my fist upwards at a 75 degree angle, coughing away.

In other, more chipper news...New Year's was awesome. I only spent $30. Woo hoo! Line of the Night...Hey, and you wanna know a secret? Sssshhhhhh....I LOOOOOOOVVE stoichiometry. PLEEEEAAASE don't tell anybody. K?..Also, the next morning initiated a new team...TEAM CUDDLE. Team Cuddle consists of anyone at the Golden Apple that fell into hysterics upon reading the description of their Pigs in a Blanket. And I quote...sausages cuddled by pancakes...Well, maybe we were still drunk & that's why it was so funny. Anyhow, by far the best NYE in quite a few years. Hope everyone's was safe & you're enjoying the new year.

p.s. who wants to take care of my coughing, sneezing, sore-froaty, ginger ale chugging ass? anyone, anyone? bueller?

p.p.s. i know i've seen it before but couldn't remember where (maybe Ajax, probably ajax) but then i found the official website, so go check out some CHUCK NORRIS FUN FACTS!!!