ardent bullshit comes down every faultline gushing heavily into jest kindly luscious melons nodding openly post quakes resting still to undermind various wonderous xylophones yawning zealously

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

More adventures, More jokes, More embarrassment

So guess what? That deal on Friday night where we learned about Jung sucked pretty much. I mean, I got to learn about him some but there was this dude sitting next to me making the dumbest comments ever. And he was wearing black denim. Eeewwww! Ha ha. Just kidding, I totally wear black denim. But it was all cool because by Friday I was pooped, so it was a good excuse to stay in. You know, 'hey dude, I'd totally go out but you know, my brain hurts from thinking' is what I would've said if anyone would have called to see if I wanted to hang out, which they didn't.


But I totally got some bad news on Friday, too, which bummed me out & stuff so that made me not want to go out, either. I was at the doctor & she looked at me & was like, 'woah, you know, this is the most you've ever weighed, you're fucking fat. are you preggers or something?'. And I got all freaked out because shit, my clothes feel the same but you know, I've been having all these weird dreams (last night I had one that I was wearing the pleated leather jacket I had in Junior High...HOTT!) & maybe aliens have come to visit me or something & impregnated me in my dream because you know, aliens do that & you don't show until they just jump right out of your belly.

Fucking aliens. Knock you up & don't even get you off.

Whatever, it's probably because I've been lax about my usual 'pulled pork sandwich & cake' allowence. So I got to thinking, though, and you know when I think I climb trees. Yeah, did I forget to tell you that? It's true. While all of you were probably eating chili & getting drunk during that Super something or other, I climbed a tree. You see, trees are spiritual. Buddha sat under a tree & had his enlightenment.

Did I mention that I may or may not have had a little Sparks buzz at the time?

Ha ha. Sparks. If you haven't tried this stuff, you might not want to. I now have a love/hate relationship with it. Kind of like with Giradelli chocolate. Speaking of which, one of our professors lives half of the time in San Francisco with his family. He has some biotech something or other out there & teaches here or something. Anyhow, I was totally working late on his grant proposal last week and he totally walked in on me picking my nose.

I still can't look him in the eyes & it's been a week. Embarrassing moments of 2006 are getting well underway. This is just great.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

As a kid, I was overweight and I tried to climb trees like the other, lighter kids.

I broke so many branches I pretty much killed the maple tree in our front yard. It was pretty depressing.

Don't worry, I'm skinny now, but there are no trees nearby to climb. I'll go booze it up.

7:37 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

At least you didn't offer him your finger and say "dude, if you like girardelli chocolate, then you'll love..."

oh you know that's gross even for me.

10:42 PM

Blogger emertron said...

CB: CLIMB AWAY!!! It'll make you feel very free. Although your arms might hurt a little bit if you climb too much.

Screetus: Figured the nose picking was better than the ass picking or crotch scratching. Thank goodness for noses!!! Next time I get caught (dear god, please let it be never, thanks, em) I'll totally use your line, pound my chest twice & say 'this one's for screetus!.

3:07 AM

Blogger Conti said...

Pregnant people should NOT climb trees.

11:48 AM

Blogger Sean said...

i heard black denim will be back in in '08 you are so ahead of the times.

1:10 PM

Blogger ica said...

a little bc goes a long way...

7:47 PM

Blogger Jaysie said...

dude, it was after hours. you're allowed to pick anything, aren't you?

3:24 PM

Blogger emertron said...

Yeah, it was like 8 or 8:30. Okay, new BSD rule...all goes post 7 p.m. (farting included)

4:11 PM


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