ardent bullshit comes down every faultline gushing heavily into jest kindly luscious melons nodding openly post quakes resting still to undermind various wonderous xylophones yawning zealously

Monday, February 20, 2006

Weekend Smeekend Where did it Go?

Okay, this whole 2 days off per week thing is for the birds. How in the hell does anyone expect us to get all of the shit done that we need to do in order to get by in two days? And get drunk? And get over a hangover? I mean comeonnow. I'm passing a motion that there be at least ONE day per week that I can stay in jammies or jammy-like apparel, watch some tv, do some reading (that's not work-related) & just 'chill'. You know, make waffles at like 12:30 p.m. while listening to some Songs in the Key of Life & sip on orange juice.

Ha! You don't know how to make waffles.

Well, I have a waffle iron so I figure I really should learn.

You can barely make instant oatmeal.

Shut up.

If you couldn't tell, it was a busy weekend. Biz. Zeeee. I had this baby shower yesterday, right? It was great in that horrible kinda way, you know? So on Saturday I dragged my ass over to NM to grab a gift & give myself a little bit of happy. Seriously, I was really dragging, Friday night was a LOOOOONG night. Fun? yes. Long? double yes. Let's just say that some random dude named Dan that we met at Jimmy's had my phone on Saturday. No layage involved. Turns out he just whoops, picked up my phone off of the table when he was leaving.

Moving right along.

Um, yeah, I really need to start paying attention to the NM bulletins & not go on the days when gorgeous, 5 foot 11 inch, 98 pound women are walking around trying to get you to buy their shirt. But I did find this really cute little silver utensil set with bunnies on the top of them for Amy. And to comfort myself, I got cookies. Nummy num. Cooooooooookies. So anyway, since I was out in the 'burbs I thought, hey, it'd sure be nice if you stopped by & saw your mom, she loves you & all. So that's what I did. And I was even super-nice & brought her flowers because she had gotten some good news. Well, not good news exactly but better than it could've been news. But I'll get into that at a different time.

Hi Mom! Bye Mom! Fall asleep in front of television at 10:45.

And THEN guess what?!?! I had to go back out to the suburbs to this fancy golf course country club thing for the baby shower. Now, you've gotta be a pre...ty good friend for me to miss dance classes on Sunday morning. And Amy is. Remember when I went to Vegas last year? Yeah, she's who I went with. Man, we drank WAY too much tequila that weekend. Okay, so Amy's one of those tiny, little people who can eat whatever they want & not get fat or anything. Dumb bitch. Guess what? She's huge! Yeah, she totally called me like 5 months ago & was all 'holy crap, I have boobs...and they HURT!' & I was all 'yeah, duh'. So we got to joke around yesterday about how she's sad that she'll never look good in a bikini or anything now. But I told her that she would still look great because you have to lie to your friends. And we looked at all of the baby stuff & I told her that she should get a nanny & gave her the names of some of the best boarding schools on the East Coast 'just in case'. But all of this baby stuff was so cute. And it's all little, like REALLY little. It was really fun thinking that there are all of these little people running & crawling around & that I totally want one. Yeah. Baby, that'd be some easy peasy shit, right? All you have to do is feed them & change their diapers when they make doodoo. Ha! This lady brought her twin babies with her to the country club place that wasn't as nice as it really should be. And oooooo, they were so cute & they had their tiny, little things & their bottles. It was just so adorable & I was sold. Yeah, baby.

And then they started to cry.

Oh dear lord were they LOUD! And so high pitched & they must have made a doodoo or needed to make a doodoo because they would not be quiet. Well, that up & changed my mind pretty quickly. Yeah, no baby anymore. I think that's going to wait until I can pawn the kid off on its daddy for like 75% of the time. So that's when I took off, vamoose, outie, adios. Driving home I was all like, woah, it's like 6:00 and Sunday! What happened? It was Friday afternoon last time I checked. So that's why I think this 2-day weekend thing is total crap.

p.s. Yes, I know that there are a LOT of people that had today off. Please don't rub it in.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hear you about weekends!

Plus it's rare to see a photo where both a dog and a kid are about to throw up. I hope they did it in sync!

10:42 PM

Blogger nk said...

Little Emertrons running around.

2:07 AM

Blogger Jaysie said...

mommy-tron. that's quite a picture.

9:51 AM

Anonymous dave said...


12:37 PM

Blogger emertron said...

You know what'd be good, Dave? Belgian waffles with green apples rolled in cinnamon & sugar, topped with a scoop of cinnamon ice cream. Or waffles with marsapone cheese & fresh berries. Will get on that lickety split!

5:43 PM


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