ardent bullshit comes down every faultline gushing heavily into jest kindly luscious melons nodding openly post quakes resting still to undermind various wonderous xylophones yawning zealously

Friday, March 03, 2006

Broken Record


SPECTATORS PLEASE BRING NON-PERISHABLE, HIGH-PROTEIN FOOD ITEMS TO ADD TO RACERS' CARTS!!!!!!!

Last night marked the final Chiditawha meeting. You know what meetings are good for? Taking twice the necessary time & accomplishing a fraction of the items on a list. Not surprisingly, last night's meeting was way more productive than the average meeting. This is because we have absolutely no time left to do anything.

If it's not done now, I guess it wasn't that important.

And although like most meetings (see: okay, seriously, we could have been done over an hour ago), it was quite entertaining.

First, one of the guys that was there managed to offend me twice within 45 seconds. The initial stab to the gut was during the tee shirt conversation. The guys ordering them assumed that all larges would be just fine. (On another note...what is this all Large shirts conspiracy. It's like you want the wee people to either swim in clothing or go without) I requested that we offer all sizes because we can't all fit into the same size. To this Mr. I Speak Before I Think blurted out, well, you'd be okay in a large, maybe a medium. Not terribly offensive because I'm by no means a stick but if he'd have taken to 2 seconds to look at the width of my shoulders, he would have noticed that it's not medium and certainly not large. (note to boys: if you think 'large' say 'medium') Then Infinite Jest got brought up & about 10 seconds into this conversation Mr. I Speak Before I Think mentioned that Wallace is from Normal, IL. And then proceeded to say that nothing good came out of Normal & that everyone there or from there is crazy. Ahem, I grew up there. Thanks, dude. During a cigarette break the same guy was trying to convince me that the alphabet is evil. me: Uh, aren't you a writer, guy? him: Yeah.

But before that happened, I met quite possibly the most annoying type of human to ever roam the earth. Dude with a Million Degrees and None too Humble to Make Sure You Know He Knows EVERYTHING. Yep, ran into that guy last night too. Of course he had his LLD, MD, PhD & a few more. Currently, he's staying on the hosts' couch because well, a number of reasons...he's looking for a job, he's too moral to just go into anything, he's very important because he's a forensic psychiatrist. Yep, forensic psychiatry, which I was lucky enough to hear all about last night. In all honesty, it's quite an interesting subject. The manner in which he spoke, however, oozed bitterness & superiority complex. Also, in I Have a Million Degrees Land it's socially acceptable to pour someone a beer & then pour some of it into your own glass about 15 minutes later when you want more & they are apparently not drinking fast enough. The sassy part of me wanted oh so badly to look up from sanding & say 'oh yeah, so seems like you're doing pretty well for yourself. congratulations! and by the way, when was the last time you got laid?' (not that I have much room to talk)

So I guess that's it. The Race is on. Only thing left to do is sew the fat suit.

p.s. Confid to Sean: expect a drunk dial at about 5 p.m. CST on Saturday.

8 Comments:

Blogger Captain Bee said...

Large shirts = just right. I'm 6'3" and medium is like a fucking tube top.

3:38 PM

 
Blogger Electronsean said...

woo hoo! I didn't even think you knew my number!

4:23 PM

 
Blogger emertron said...

Electon: I don't know your number but I'll drunk dial you, too, if you give me your number & calls to Canada are free on the weekends. OMG!!! Our kitties could talk to each other!!!

Oh Captain my Captain: now I know what size if I ever buy you a shirt.

4:28 PM

 
Blogger Spo said...

how can the alphabet be evil?

and to end up getting that many qualifications he probably never got laid, drunk, stoned or arrested during his younger years.

5:04 AM

 
Blogger nk said...

I find it's always good to presume that girls are 'Small'. Even when you're dating a giant. You might be way fucking off, but who cares.

11:18 AM

 
Blogger screetus said...

hahaha! what a collection of maroons!

Holy crap I've been to Normal! Actually I think I stayed overnight there once!
Yeah, I was the time I made it from Minneapolis to DC in 23 hours. Well it was 23 hours of driving; I slept in Normal the first night.

11:32 PM

 
Blogger J-Mo said...

Meetings are terrible. I have a marketing meeting every month and it's the most drawn out event of my life every first wednesday of the month

3:34 PM

 
Blogger The Innominate Blogger said...

So long as one continues to acquire degrees, one doesn't actually have to do anything useful with them. And I've found that the more time a person spends listing his or her credentials, the less time that person spends saying anything interesting.

8:03 PM

 

Post a Comment

<< Home