ardent bullshit comes down every faultline gushing heavily into jest kindly luscious melons nodding openly post quakes resting still to undermind various wonderous xylophones yawning zealously

Monday, April 24, 2006

Runnin' On Empty

Things I've learned in the past 6 days:

- Kitten-safing a home is a continual process. George likes to sleep on the laptop (thus the screen must stay closed when not in use). Henry found that the tree in my living room was a great place to leave me a little turd present (thus "Tree" is now residing on the balcony). Funny story on that last one. I'd just gotten home from my stepdad's retirement party & laid down to watch some Arrested Development. I noticed that Henry was in the tree base for about 3 minutes & then smelled why. Oh man! Before I could take Tree outside I heard a big BOOM & all of the lights in my apartment went out. Thus, my Friday night was as such...dragging an 8 foot palm tree on to the balcony in the dark (other than a couple of candles) in my jammies breathing through my mouth because it stank so bad trying to make sure that the kittens didn't escape into the darkness of night while the door was open.

- The kittens' favorite toys are my feet...at 5 o'clock in the morning.

- Henry & George (they got named on Thursday night after a bottle of wine) are gassy little mo fos (see! they were TOTALLY meant to be my cats!).

- 9 out of 10 people do NOT like the names Henry & George for the kittens.

- Men enjoy hearing about ballet when I stand in 4th position & drunkenly explain that you're not supposed to use your joints for turnout but instead your hip muscles (visual: showing them with my hands where these muscles are & demonstrating how to turn them out...idiot).

- Sparks creates the worst hangover known to man yet I will drink it again.

- You should NEVER trust the tequila that comes out of a glass vessel shaped like a gun.

- Just because your friends don't call regularly doesn't mean that they don't love you & miss you with all of their heart.

- When you make a set budget, you immediately begin spending more than you had been 3 days prior.

- Even with a severe lack of sleep, (unintentional) scratches on my wrist & feet, poop in a tree & stinky farts, the sound of Henry & George's purrs makes it all okay & reminds me that even though I've known them for less than a week, I will love them very very much for the rest of their lives.

21 Comments:

Blogger Homeperm said...

i <3 the photo! and the names. i'm so into man names for cats. also i hear ya on that budget thing. the moment i decide to save money i start to binge spend.

3:58 PM

 
Blogger The Innominate Blogger said...

Oh snap, you had the gun tequila? The one that reads, "How the west was really won" on it's label?

I hate tequilla, but I wanna try that one.

And I like the names. But I think the best name a dog ever had was Ernest, so I'm not sure you want to trust my opinion.

4:39 PM

 
Blogger emertron said...

Thanks HP! You will be seeing a lot more of them.

IB: Not sure about the label. If I ever see one, I'll pick it up for you. Also, Ernest was one of the names thrown around for the kittens (& almost chosen). Looks like we both have bad taste. ha ha!

4:53 PM

 
Blogger nk said...

I love the names for the kittens. But which one is which?

5:02 PM

 
Blogger emertron said...

Thanks NK!!

Orange=Henry
Black & Gray=George

5:16 PM

 
Blogger the pants said...

soooo cute they gave me cute cancer.

9:00 PM

 
Blogger ica said...

- Just because your friends don't call regularly doesn't mean that they don't love you & miss you with all of their heart.

true, true, TRUE.

but i do disagree with one thing--ALWAYS trust tequila that comes in a bottle shaped like a gun!

10:10 PM

 
Blogger screetus said...

Turd presents. They're the latest thing!

I'm going to leave my art director at work a turd present tomorrow, in fact. So he knows that I give a... well, you know.

10:25 PM

 
Blogger Marisa said...

OK it's getting freaky now: YOU HAVE MY SCARF! My absolute favorite made-my-ex-give-it-back scarf!

Then my dog chewed it up.

Not interested in selling it are you?

11:14 PM

 
Blogger emertron said...

Marisa: Maybe...what are you willing to pay?

12:29 AM

 
Blogger kermit said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

12:56 AM

 
Blogger kermit said...

misha used to fart, but only in the bathtub. it was hilarious to see her waving her paws in the air, trying to cover up the smell.

12:57 AM

 
Blogger kachtus said...

So cool that you do ballet, and you are a grown woman.

7:36 AM

 
Blogger Conti said...

rename your cats Nanny + Da

11:59 AM

 
Blogger Spo said...

it's impossible to refuse tequila from a gun shaped bottle

and bar girls wearing cowboy hats carrying shot glasses as ammo

3:00 PM

 
Blogger Captain Bee said...

"- When you make a set budget, you immediately begin spending more than you had been 3 days prior."

You're not kidding. Pizza is fucking expensive.

3:21 PM

 
Blogger Marisa said...

How about a summer's worth of dollar shakes and homemade brownies.

10:42 PM

 
Blogger ida gasp said...

Sorry to laugh at your tree misfortune, but it is very funny. Reminded me of a time I got really stoned when I was about 22 and fed my cat cornflakes and milk. He had really terrible diahorea all over my partner's room, which included in and down the side of a plant. I felt so sorry for him but I couldn't help laughing. It was all so horrendously disgusting.

As to the budget thing, I always think 'it's ok, I get paid soon', regardless of whether or not this is true.

And I am really interested in your ballet thing. How long have you been doing it? And hey, how old are you?

10:44 PM

 
Blogger emertron said...

Marisa: depending on the scarf in which you want...you might have a deal.

Ida: I've been studying ballet for a year & a half now. It began as pastime & since accelerated into a part time job...which I pay for (damnit!!). Honestly, it's fantastic & would encourage anyone to try, at least once.

1:58 AM

 
Blogger nk said...

I'd like you to post a picture of you in a tu-tu.

11:10 AM

 
Blogger Marisa said...

The striped Old Navy one. I'd be surprised if you could part with it, though I'm so bummed b/c my brother (who was born on the same day as YOUR brother) gave it to me for Christmas and I've never seen him so excited over a gift.

1:20 AM

 

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