ardent bullshit comes down every faultline gushing heavily into jest kindly luscious melons nodding openly post quakes resting still to undermind various wonderous xylophones yawning zealously

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Better Make out a Will

I've come to the conclusion that I'm within the last of my days on earth. A mere weeks before my 27th birthday when I would have been enjoying grilled meat & ice cream cake (fuckers better be getting me ice cream cake or else...sorry, i'm a little testy, i have eaten 2 puddings and 2 crackers in 36 hours). And what about all of those glorious presents that someone else will have to enjoy? Sigh.

So I have this pain. It's not really all that specific, just kind of general abdominal pain which sometimes travels to my lower back. Yeah. I know, weird, huh? It started Sunday night in the middle of the night & I was up like every hour in pain but would roll over & sleep a little more. Figured the Egg Foo Young wasn't sitting well.

Monday morning was pretty painful & I was uncomfortable walking a lot. But hey, I'm a tough chick. No stupid little pain's gonna hold me back, especially from Chicago Pizza & Oven Grinder. After dinner I still felt a little uncomfortable but not TOO bad.

Then Tuesday morning happened. All yesterday entailed was gripping my desk & trying not to cry as dull pain resided in my abdomen & sharp pains pierced my stomach, upper back & random internal organs. I DIDN'T EVEN GO TO BALLET. Everything that I eat hurts more than it's worth. At first I figured that it was the gas leak that was caused when the delivery dudes came out on Saturday & yanked my stove halfway into the kitchen. But the symptoms aren't that close. So I've narrowed it down to 2 things. Either Satan impregnated me on Saturday night ala Rosemary's Baby OR I have a case of the Bird Flu. Because honestly, it really couldn't be anything else. Wait. Maybe I have SARS. OMG. That's it. I have SARS. Great, just great. Oh man, this sucks.


Anonymous J Cubed said...

I bet it's Monkey Pox. Or Kitten AIDS.

1:48 PM

Blogger J-Mo said...

I think it's bird flu......or internal herpes.

Check with a pro tho i'm sometimes off.

3:28 PM

Blogger The Innominate Blogger said...

you are soooo pregnant...pregnant with appendicitis, that is.

4:17 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah I'm thinking two words: A. Pendix.

On the bright side, you're still with us!

9:17 PM

Blogger nk said...

SARS is so 2004.

1:20 AM

Blogger emertron said...

Doctors say that it's a stomach flu. I say this fucking sucks. No dairy?!?!?! Oh dear what am I supposed to eat? No cheese. No milk. NO ICE CREAM.


1 $1milkshake day lost. Why does the universe hate me this week?!?!?!?

OMG...spoildest brat ever.

2:46 AM

Blogger Homeperm said...

i'm with NK sars is so 2004. but stomach flu is so living in the now. stink for you though.

5:45 AM

Anonymous jcubed said...

No dairy on doctor's orders? That sounds GLORIOUS!

10:43 AM

Blogger Electronsean said...

or have the gay.

3:56 PM

Blogger erin said...

i am taking a survey.

do you like stone cold creamery?

for scientific purposes i hope you will respond to this survey at some point before july seven.

4:26 PM

Blogger emertron said...

Why yes, Erin, I do.

4:50 PM

Blogger Will said...

I thought that the title said Better Make Out WITH Will.

5:32 PM

Blogger nk said...

Are we going to get to go to $1 milkshake day when I am there?

4:04 PM

Blogger Ajax said...

A fun trick that life plays is that you get weird ailments as you get older and they don't really go away they just get worse and worse until you are a living wreck.

It's hilarious.

8:33 AM

Blogger ida gasp said...

I know this is probably a really stupid question, but have you been to adoctor yet?

3:34 AM


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