ardent bullshit comes down every faultline gushing heavily into jest kindly luscious melons nodding openly post quakes resting still to undermind various wonderous xylophones yawning zealously

Friday, July 28, 2006

5 Things


Since the creative juices aren't a flowin' & seriously, the story of last night's dinner (my first attempt & success at bechemel sauce!) really isn't all that exciting ('cooking with vermouth: a story of a wild thursday night' just doesn't do it), I'm taking a page from Will

Word.

Five items in my freezer:
1. Strawberry Ice Cream
2. Natural Vanilla Ice Cream
3. Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream
4. Ice Cream Cake
5. Cheese-stuffed Ravioli

Five items in the closet:
1. Olive Silk Nicole Miller Dress
2. Suitcases
3. Bedding
4. Skeletons
5. Junior High Cheerleading Skirt

Five items in the car
1. Jumper Cables
2. Thermarest
3. Plato's Republic
4. ~7459 deposit slips for LaSalle Bank
5. Windshield Wiper Fluid

Five items in my backpack:
1. NIH Guidelines
2. Ballet Shoes
3. Empty tupperware that housed mushroom-artichoke lasagna an hour ago
4. Deodorant
5. Sunglasses

Five people I tag:

HomePerm, Jessica, JJJ, Sun Follower & Capn Bee.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Just Trying to Glide on By


Expectations are merely premeditated resentments
-Grampa: #86 from Grampa's Handy Dandy
Rules for Living, Vol. 1

I've really gotta start working on this one more. This rule also applies to assuming that people are descent, sane, fair beings. silenceisgoldensilenceisgoldensilenceisgolden.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Yo

I've never been more ashamed of my name. Wrote to ask if it was a joke but haven't gotten a response back. Suuuuuriously, there are some crazy bitches out there.

Speaking of 'b' words, I'm kinda bored. If you ask me a question I'll do my best to answer it. Unless it's unanswerable & then I'll just make something up.

Blogger won't let me post a picture today. Sorry.

Friday, July 21, 2006

About time


I think it's about time that I stop hiding & instead riding my bicycle more.

Now that I've learned how to properly oil a chain & test the tires.

Let the rain kiss it & air weather the paint.

What's the use of it only being taken out for afternoon rides?

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Fumbling Towards 745 lbs.


JULY IS NATIONAL HOT DOG MONTH.

RUMOR HAS IT THAT JULY 23 IS NATIONAL HOT DOG DAY. (there are a couple different dates according to different sources...July 23's a Sunday, I'm going with that day)

REMEMBER TO CELEBRATE SUCH A HOLY DAY RESPONSIBLY.

Go Ahead Push Your Luck Find Out How Much Love the World Can Hold

Within the last couple of weeks I've had a chance to sit down & evaluate the different aspects of my life & priorities. The first time that I consciously sat down & made a point to engage in such an activity I had 19 years under my belt. Some of them better than others but really, that is, in my opinion, a terrible way of looking at life. Ups and downs are inevitable. Ultimately, how I choose to deal with such circumstances remains most important.

The Sunday before last I made what turned out to be a bit of a pilgrimage to my mother's home via the Burlington Northern Metra train for the annual Birthday BBQ. Side note: my mom's birthday is 2 days after mine, thus the combination of birthday celebrations. I hadn't taken the train out my mom's in years. Despite the environmental consequences, I drive out to the western suburbs. Quite honestly, for the freedom to leave option. Just as I'd done many many times years before, I crossed over the Adams Street bridge heading west, looking more at the water & buildings than straight ahead. Even to this day, the tall, masculine buildings taunt my eyes into peeking & then draw me in.

I had my camera with me & decided to take a picture. Immediately I realized that I'd taken pictures of that same spot for a photo class 9.5 years before (rounding up to 10 for convenience sake). This thought spurred the foreshadowed 'evaluation'. In the past I'd gone about this sort of thinking in a dour, chore-type manner. More times than not, something negative had occurred & I attempted to find the root of it. This time, though, it began with a smile & a bit different manner of going about attempting to take a step outside to take a look in. I started comparing my life in a then & now fashion.

10 years ago my commute was in the opposite direction. The goal was to reach the city & stay there as long as possible, usually running for the last train to my at that point home trying not to spill my coffee, skipping up & down curbs. Now I'd allocated enough time to make the train, coffee in hand, still skipping up & down the same curbs but looking forward to a calm afternoon in the quiet of the suburbs.

10 years ago I took that same photo in black & white, quite honestly using the excuse to take pictures for a class in order to get out of a half day's worth of school. Now I took the picture to see how I framed it differently, in color, not obsessing over getting the perfect picture, rather framing a memory. (spoiler: the one 10 years ago is much better in terms of photography)

10 years ago I was about to embark on the adventure of going away to college. The first taste of 'freedom', anxiously awaiting what would happen next. Now I'm biding my time where I am because chances are I'll be embarking on another school adventure in about a year. Only this time I will actually know & care about what I study.

10 years ago I thought that my first love would be my last. Now I'm thankful for that love & all of the other love that I've received from boyfriends & lovers and also that I'm now able to distinguish between putting the effort towards working it out because we both want to & trying to work it out because I'm terrified of being alone.

10 years ago there were girls named Katie & Jaimie with whom I'd shared everything & they did with me. We provided a safe place for each other. Now Katie's on her way to marriage. Jaimie's about to embark on an adventure to Japan without a clue as to what she'll be doing. Colleen still plays in the mountains. Jill's research is becoming famous in the field of psychology. Farrah relishes in being spoiled & laughs with one of the heartiest, most comfortable laughs I've ever heard. Nick spouts off pop music references as a 2nd nature & exudes sweetness. I couldn't be happier & more encouraging for all of them. They stay the closest things to my heart & the most supportive people in my life.

10 years ago I did not think that I would speak with my family after I went away. Today I can solidly say that I love them individually, as a whole & wouldn't know what to do if taken out of my life.

I guess this spontaneous exercise reminded me that change doesn't happen instantly but over time & that after it all, most things don't change, it's just easier to recognize those that do. Yes, logical & easy to say but difficult to practice. Also, that when the world seems hopeless & I feel helpless that it too shall pass & everything really will turn out okay. Wish I would have felt that 10 years ago but guess that they were necessary to understand that & not just know it. Hopefully in 10 more years I will be able to say the same things with a smile on my face.

Monday, July 17, 2006

A Somewhat Revealing Top 5

Hey! Guess what I did this weekend? Let my inner clutz shine through. Full Force. I MAY HAVE OUTDONE MYSELF!!!!!!!! (those !!!! are not meant to be 'happy !'s)

Incident #1:
Saturday morning: 10:45 a.m., freshly showered after an hour of tennis, stocked to the hilt with dry cleaning items, cold water, book & glasses, tottering down the street headed to the dry cleaners I pushed on the heavy door & entered. The door coming back at me I tried to catch it with the ball of my right foot. It missed & caught the pinky toe instead.

Incident #2:
Saturday evening: 10:00 p.m., setting up the air conditioning unit & various fans around the apartment. Bedroom. Bedskirtless Bedframe. 4th toe on the left foot.

Each induced a string of very very bad words, tearing up of the eyes, bloodloss (although I'm quite impressed with my clotting time right now) and the scientifically proven violent shaking of the wounded area because it'll make it feel better. They (as a twin set) have definitely made the Top 5.

Top 5 Dumbest Ways I've Injured Myself:
1. Tripping on a treadmill while running & breaking right pinky finger
2. Double whammy: 2 broken toes, different feet, one day (see above)
3. Severely bruised nose: backstroke flipturn...that's all I gotta say about that one
4. Scooter tailpipe to the calf. 15 years later the scar is still visible.
5. Oh! Another curb one! Summer after senior year of college riding my bike home from work at night, launched a curb, my wheel caught between the street & gutter during the landing. Sweet concussion, enormous welt, a couple butterfly patches on my forehead.

Friday, July 14, 2006

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!


Q: What did one cat say to another cat when talking on a cell phone?

A: Can you hear me meow?

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Goodbye Yellow Gross Stove

Woah! Hey! Howeryadoin? Long time no blog. Ha ha ha! Get it?! Usually people say 'long time no see' or 'long time no talk' but I used 'blog'.

THAT WAS LAME. SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?

That I'm a techtard & don't know how to use italics in blogger on a Mac.
HONEY, THAT'S JUST THE TIP OF THE ICEBURG.

So a while back I was all up in 'yeah, I'm getting new appliances, they're gonna be sweet'. Right? Well, then a bunch of deadlines happened & I turned into a zombie. For real. Workworkwork. Lackofsleeplackofsleeplackofsleep. But today was the last big one until August 1! Woot woot.

WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?

Well, I figured since I'd bragged about these new kitchen appliances, that I should probably show you that it's not all in my head & also I got a call today from my landlord.....hi tron, it's marj....hi marj what's up?....so are you going to renew your lease?.....yeah....great, i'll get the guys to up your water pressure & send the lease through but i have to warn you that there's a rent increase.

Dun Dun Dun.

Rent increase? How much? Will I have to live off of Ramen again? Oh no! What about sodium intake?!?!?! I was thinking.

Yeah...it's increasing a whopping $10/month. Phew! So in honor of this awesome I-won't-be-destitute-and-have-to-eat-nothing news I thought that I should show you just how awesome of a deal this is with my new appliances. Behold. This also means that a lease-renewal-thank-goodness-i'm-not-moving-again dinner party is surely in order. Yum Yum.

ONCE AGAIN, YOU'VE PROVED MY POINT.

Whatever, I'm gonna go watch The Golden Girls.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

I'm Going on a Trip of Luxury with Jesus


Woah! Late birthday present?!

Hhhhhhmmmmmmm..........

Friday, July 07, 2006

Playing in the sand


Hey guess what I did last night?

Nope. Didn't go out.

Nope. Didn't finish a book.

Nope. Didn't give George & Henry a million kisses.

Ha ha! Just kidding about that last one. I have them exactly one million kisses last night before going to bed.

No, really. We went shopping (if you would like to buy me a present, this and this would be great...both in size 2) and out to dinner and then to kept up the tradition of just why the University of Chicago's motto is 'Where Fun Comes to Die'.

That being getting REALLY excited about a physics project at 11 p.m. on Thursday night. See those balls being dropped into sand in the pictures? Looks fun, huh? Well you can actually do that at home with baking powder in a cylindrical vessel long enough to drop a marble & the powder to not just splash right out. The cool thing about it is that the solid granules are acting like a liquid by shooting up a jet after the object lands in the substance (ultra-fine sand, baking powder...).

Anyhow, last night some friends dropped a 12 lb shotput down 5 flights of the Frank Institute to land in a drum of sand. Now, they could have little by little began making the scale larger but since they're living on the edge, they went balls out. All the way. You could cut the tension in the air with a knife. And at last, about 11:15 they dropped the ball. 1...2...3...4...5...6...NO JET. Damn. So we all moped around & went home. Yeah, it was a little sad but they're going to keep trying.

Okay, gotta go work some more.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Farthead & Emertron Go To KFC


...An Adventurous Tale from Last Thursday

A few months ago KFC (formerly Kentucky Fried Chicken...the name changed because, I kid you not, the State of Kentucky copywrited its name so now anyone who wants to use it must pay royalties) came out with these 'Mashed Potato Bowls'. My discovery of this product occurred during an episode of ANTM. Despite the iffy placement (a show with a bunch of cute, skinny girls), I was hooked on the idea.

Mashed potatoes, corn, gravy, fried chicken bits & cheese...odeargod, I must have you.

From then on that's all I saw, even in dreams. Mmmmm....mashed potato bowls. One evening, while watching ER it was decided.

'Hey Farrah.'

'Yeah.'

'We really need to check those out.'

'Uh huh. But when?'

'Next Thursday. It will be our mission. We will get The Bowls.'

'I'm in.'

Despite looming deadlines, working until 10:30 at night & utter exhaustion (the real kind, not the Lindsay Lohan kind) all I could think about was those Bowls. And then came the day. Right at 5 we took off. We had a mission. We were off. And off we went. Ran some errands (in an attempt to alleviate some of the unavoidable guilt from ingesting such insanely decadent foods) & straight to the 51st Street KFC.

We turned the corner of 51st strip mall thingy.

'Hey Em, where is it?'

I looked...there's the Original Pancake House (where many a morning has been spent devouring Apple Pancakes) and the crappy grocery store but where was the KFC? I swear it was here before. I'd seen it at least 157 times.

And then there was a scream.

What was the KFC logo was only an awning with a visibly covered up KFC. What? How could this happen? Didn't they know that the Hyde Park area NEEDS those Bowls? We quickly climbed the stairs to see if it was true and yes, yes it was. 'Sorry for any inconvenience the following locations blah blah blah.' What were we to do? Should we just hit up the McDonald's? What was going on?

With a unanimous decision we were off again. To the nearest KFC. We would NOT let this dream die. We would get the bowls. 55th & State.

'Wait wait wait! That was it!'

'What?'

'THE KFC!!!! It's on the other side of the street. We're almost there!!!'

Farrah quickly turned the car around on the boulevard & we got closer. The feeling of desperation for a cornucopia of foods hung in the air. The excitement made us giddy. And then we arrived. And realized that not only was this a KFC but also an A&W. Holy crap, had all of our dreams come true? Could it be?

At this point we hurried out of the car & raced into the KFC/A&W, salivating at the promise of The Bowls (an at that point I realized that I could also get a Bacon Cheeseburger complete with mayo). Upon entering we found that there was no counter. Well, yes, there was an actual counter, only it was shielded by bullet-proof glass.

'Oh no! It doesn't look like they take plastic. Do you have ANY cash on you?'

'No.'

'Me neither.'

'This WILL happen. The universe can't be this perverse.'

And sure enough it wasn't. Plastic accepted.

So Farrah went ahead & ordered...'Mashed Potato Bowl, corn on the cob, honey bbq sandwich & a biscuit please'.

The woman behind the bullet-proof glass took the order, skeptically, & began working on the order. At that point, one of the other patrons staggered up to Farrah.

'Hey, that's a real nice purse you got.' The woman commented.

'Uh huh.' Farrah responded, clutching tighter on to the purse under her arm.

The cashier let us know that our order was ready. She looked at Farrah as Farrah took the food & looked over at me, my eyes showing complete signs of desperation & wonderment.

'Did you want something too?', the casher asked.

'Yeah. I'd like a Mashed Potato Bowl, bacon cheeseburger, macaroni & cheese, chili cheese fries & a medium rootbeer'.

The place was as silent as when I walked into the biker bar in Breckenridge wearing a suit.

'Mmmmm hmmmmm', the woman behind the bullet-proof glass said with a look of question.

What was so big about that? So I wanted an assortment of goodies. Is that a crime? Should I be punished for such requests? Paranoia?

'So you girls going to eat all that food?', chimed our recently-found apparently-cracked-out friend.

'We'll try', Farrah cheerily responded. We looked at each other as if the woman was crazy (which she might have been considering she walked around in circles swearing). Did she not think that what we ordered was a lot of food? We're HUNGRY.

Within 90 seconds the food was up. Grab it & go. First things first we dug into the chili cheese fries, laughing the whole way about how that woman thought it may be a lot of food. What was she thinking? We still had to make a run to the grocery store for ice cream & ginger ale for cranberry ginger ales. A lot of food? Psshhhaw!

Upon arriving back to Farrah's place & unpacking we realized just what everyone else was looking at us strangely for...the food took up pretty much the entirety of her dining room table.

Resolution: Yes, everything got eaten and it was delicious.

p.s. If you are to get The Bowls (which I highly recommend) I'd suggest that you leave the chicken on the side, as it tends to get a little soggy sitting in mashed potatoes.