ardent bullshit comes down every faultline gushing heavily into jest kindly luscious melons nodding openly post quakes resting still to undermind various wonderous xylophones yawning zealously

Monday, July 17, 2006

A Somewhat Revealing Top 5

Hey! Guess what I did this weekend? Let my inner clutz shine through. Full Force. I MAY HAVE OUTDONE MYSELF!!!!!!!! (those !!!! are not meant to be 'happy !'s)

Incident #1:
Saturday morning: 10:45 a.m., freshly showered after an hour of tennis, stocked to the hilt with dry cleaning items, cold water, book & glasses, tottering down the street headed to the dry cleaners I pushed on the heavy door & entered. The door coming back at me I tried to catch it with the ball of my right foot. It missed & caught the pinky toe instead.

Incident #2:
Saturday evening: 10:00 p.m., setting up the air conditioning unit & various fans around the apartment. Bedroom. Bedskirtless Bedframe. 4th toe on the left foot.

Each induced a string of very very bad words, tearing up of the eyes, bloodloss (although I'm quite impressed with my clotting time right now) and the scientifically proven violent shaking of the wounded area because it'll make it feel better. They (as a twin set) have definitely made the Top 5.

Top 5 Dumbest Ways I've Injured Myself:
1. Tripping on a treadmill while running & breaking right pinky finger
2. Double whammy: 2 broken toes, different feet, one day (see above)
3. Severely bruised nose: backstroke flipturn...that's all I gotta say about that one
4. Scooter tailpipe to the calf. 15 years later the scar is still visible.
5. Oh! Another curb one! Summer after senior year of college riding my bike home from work at night, launched a curb, my wheel caught between the street & gutter during the landing. Sweet concussion, enormous welt, a couple butterfly patches on my forehead.


Blogger kermit said...

that's not as bad as mine:
1. broken jaw (fell off bar stool)
2. broken arm (fell out of tree as i was laughing too hard at a comic book i was reading)
3. broken pinky finger (found the morning after a bad dream)

11:36 PM

Blogger The Doc said...


3:22 AM

Blogger Homeperm said...

hilariously told. you make yourself sound completely unco(ordinated). i love it.

7:15 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...


If it helps any, I've done the bedframe thing so much it's ridiculous. Every time I change my sheets, I crack my right toes on the sharp, exposed corner. It's delicious.

12:27 PM

Blogger Spo said...

accelerating and braking at the same time on the scooter in thailand and then surfing tarmac on my right arm and knee - won "greatest bruise on the ass ever in the history of evolution" award from this as well.

1:48 PM

Blogger Will said...

scars are hot

7:00 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Scars fade. Glory is forever. That's one bedframe that won't soon forget your, um, presence. Or something.

11:56 PM

Blogger J-Mo said... the corner of my broken mind.....

12:55 PM


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