ardent bullshit comes down every faultline gushing heavily into jest kindly luscious melons nodding openly post quakes resting still to undermind various wonderous xylophones yawning zealously

Thursday, September 21, 2006

i've got a doodle in my noodle & his name is minkey boodle

Yowzas, has this week the wind. And now it's almost gone. And the UK slowly becomes a distant memory day by day and instead my mind is replacing the heather-soaked munros with just how much I can't wait to change jobs. Yeah, really, it happens julst like that. I could, right now, go into just how much I'm detesting coming in to work every morning or how my boss's face just kinda makes me cringe but there's no room for that at the Inn so instead I'm gonna go back. Way back. Back into time..........almost 3 weeks ago.

I'll start at the very beginning....a very good place to start.

Saturday, September 2nd was a pretty morning, a lovely morning, a morning to wake up to Ted Leo. Ya dig? I woke up before my alarm even went off & started jumping on the bed, singing 'we're gonna see jaimie tonight!!! and hang out in a castle!!! woooooo!!!! and just look at this!!!! i can jump on the bed & not even hit my head because i'm a midget!!!! woooooo!!!', royally pissing off Georgie & Henry. Ha ha. Silly kittens didn't even KNOW that was the day that I was gonna get on a big aeroplane & fly way across a big body of water to meet Jaimers.

So mommy dropped us off at the aeropuerto & we were all 'yeah, bye, whatever, i'll totally try to make my plane home'. So we waited impatiently at O'Hare for our flight & guess what.

'All flights to JFK are cancelled because of that stupid hurricane'. Goddamn Ernesto.

There I stood, little Tron, tears welling up in my eyes, imagining not seeing my favorite Jaimie in all of the world because our flight was cancelled & there wouldn't be another one & I'd just have to put on me ol' swimmin' trunks & head at it because I had to get there because she was set to leave for Tokyo the next morning. Low & behold, they put us on a new plane but we had to stay at O'Hare for like 4 more hours. Man, did THAT ever suck.

So we ate some hot dogs & drank some beers. It was like being at a baseball game except that fans take heckling quite a bit better than travellers. 'Excuse me, you'll have to leave now'.

So we got on the plane & it was all really exciting, right? So guess how much I slept. If you guessed 20 minutes, you were dead on. And once we got into Heathrow I learned a very valuable lesson.

Standing in the customs line I started to get a little nervous & then it was our turn. Oh man, will they let me through? What if I brought some sort of foreign skin mite with me & they won't let me in? Oh no oh no! And you know what I do when I'm nervous? Make jokes. And not very good ones, I might add. Etro & I stood there as the lady who had an eerie 'soup nazi'esque feeling to her asked for our passports & what our relationship was to each other.

'Do you want the G rated version?'


And then she got WORSE! She was all you can't just come in here without knowing an address. What if we need to find you...blah blah blah. By that time my brain was as mushy as mushy peas (which at that time I didn't even know was a relatively disgusting dish) because we'd been awake for like 25 hours at that time & I just wanted to get on the Tube by that point. Finally she said okay to a telephone number that I had for Jaimie. Too bad the Brits didn't know that phone had probably been shut off quite a while ago & Jaimers was leaving the next morning. Ha ha! But really, the lesson is that it is necessary for customs' officers to be completely humorless, if not complete dicks. Really, it's true. So don't even try to make a joke or anything because then they get all really pissy & put you in a bad mood too.

We got to Kings Cross just in time to enjoy by far the most yucky meal I've had in a long time.....donner kebaps. Nasty. Don't do it. And hussle up to Edinburgh.

Tweet tweet.

And finally, we reached our final destination after having travelled for more than a day, sleeping next to none, doing 327 sudokus, watching .068 King of the Hill television shows and stinking like effin' kebap.

But it was all worth it. We stumbled off of the train & she was right there in that fabulous purple-blue sweater that she looks so amazingly wonderful in with energy in her eyes & the most amazing hug I've had since she left Chicago, Jaimie. We screamed & hugged & confused the everliving shit out of Etro, jumping up & down.

That evening was the last night of Festival in Edinburgh so we grabbed us some fish & chips (& yucky mushy peas), a couple of pints & headed to a roof deck to shiver in the cold, smile & laugh an inhuman amount & watch the fireworks from the back of the castle.


Anonymous elginroots said...

awesome awesome awesome how about some photos?

11:30 PM

Anonymous mandy said...

they are damn nosy at heathrow..."what is the purpose of your visit? and the address at which you will be staying?" like people can't just LIE??

seriously i can't wait to hear about the rest of your trip and see pictures!

9:48 AM

Blogger Grampa said...

"What is the purpose of your visit?"

"Oh, we're hear for some serious fuck'n and to score some crack from Pete Doherty."

2:46 PM

Blogger Spo said...

yes you have to have a subtle silent yet real "don't fuck with me" attitude to immigration & customs officials.

5:49 AM

Blogger Sun Follower said...

A great friend, Fish 'n' chips, pints and fireworks - you can't beat that.

12:52 PM

Blogger woman of mass destruction said...

we don't know each other very well, but i got my mojo rising, there's a poodle in my strudel!

4:30 PM


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