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Friday, October 20, 2006

Back with More

Okay, so the other day I wrote a post about girls & their boyfriend obsession & such. Unfortunately that post got misinturpretted by a couple people. Namely Ethan. 'Um, Tron, is there something that you wanted to talk to me about? Are you mad at me?'. 'First of all, I don't get mad, I get angry. Secondly, no, why?' 'Your blog post was kinda mean.' Oops!

Regardless of whether it's important or not, I wanted to clarify some stuff & go into more detail. I'm not all love sucks or anything like that. Quite the opposite. I love love & falling in love & all that good stuff. In fact, I fall in love all the time. Everytime I see Georgie & Henry I fall in love a little bit more but I guess that's a different kind of love than what I'm attempting (poorly) to explain.

Lately I've noticed women blogging about how much they want a boyfriend. Someone to cuddle with. Someone to do things with. Someone to have dinner with. And yes, while it is nice going out to dinner with someone, it's not necessary. And contrary to popular belief, they do sell single movie tickets, ladies. Ain't no shame in being your own date to a movie. I realize that being alone can be difficult but really, it's not the end of the world.

A friend & I were talking today about gender roles. I'd brought up how I was reading someone who I'm not supposed to be reading's blog & how she was going on about how she wanted a man & her ideal man & all this shit. It's never a bad idea to write down important characteristics that you seek in a partner. Hell, I did that about 2 years ago when P & I broke up. And I actually dated someone who had all or almost all of those characteristics. I'm gonna call him Mr. Good-On-Paper. Well, Good-On-Paper's exactly what it was. I tried to be someone who I'm not & was nervous all the time & thought 'oh my goodness how could this great guy ever like me?' while neglecting that he, too, was human & had flaws that I completely chose to overlook. Needless to say, it didn't last long. He wanted a damsel in distress to some extent & I don't play that role very well & tend to get very bored very quickly sitting around, waiting for someone to save me. Honey, I realized that if you really wanna get saved you better do it yourself because buddha knows you're gonna need saving again & relying on other people all the time to save your ass not only gets exhausting but people get sick & tired of your bullshit.

Here's where I've noticed complications, though. Many women seem to think that they're either super-independent or completely helpless. Some women are completely independent. And we've all met the helpless ones. But about 99% lie somewhere in the middle. Biologically & psychologically, we're bred to care. We're mothers & sisters & daughters. We have hearts so big it's impossible to measure them. We want to give hugs, kiss off tears & make you feel warm inside. More importantly, many of us need to learn how to do this for ourselves before we can properly do this for others.

Being single isn't a bad thing. It can be liberating. And really, you don't have to comprimise like ever. That's the time when you get to explore (shout out to Liebo there), figure out what you could do without & what really, really matters to you. Eat whatever you like. Watch whatever movie you want to watch. Grow & find yourself & then realize that in a couple years you'll be completely different. If you need someone else to tell you what you should like/dislike do/not do & the like on at least one issue (your favorite color even) then really, you need to do that single thing even more. We're not tied down & completely dependant on men anymore. But they're sure nice to have around.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that simply I really don't feel like a man should complete you, rather complement you. And once he does, then that's right. But in the meantime, don't waste so much time wishing for something that you had. Instead, spend that time making yourself someone really special.


Anonymous K. said...

I love what you said about being single. I have so many girl friends like that... I should email your post out to every one of them. Maybe it will distract them from their nightly scavenge through new Yahoo Personals and myspace profiles. Geez.

Coincidentally, I love the name of your blog too. I was actually just talking about middle names today... someone said that you shouldn't have sex with someone if you don't know their middle name... I wonder if that has anything to do with your blog...

Anyhoots, cool post!

8:24 PM

Blogger Sun Follower said...

Great post Em and I agree with everything you said. I am single and independent and, yes - sometimes go to movies alone and wathc what I want and I LOVE everything about that. In fact, I wonder if I'll ever even be able to live with another person again because to compromise seems like a huge sacrifice at this point - but I also haven't met anyone that I've loved enough to bend that far for. However, all that said - there is something appealing about the idea about SHARING your life with another person. I usually go for guys who are unavailabler to a degree - and I think that's because it prevented me from really committing because then I'd have to bend. but lately.. I've been finding myself thinking about a different kind of man... someone solid and grouded and stable. And I am wondering if I've dome to that place where maybe I am ready to mee the "right" person because I now am not hesitant to BE the right person for someone else.

1:04 AM

Anonymous elginroots said...

hm...does the person who you think needs to read this, read this?

11:10 AM

Blogger emertron said...

K: Thank you! It's much appreciated.

Sunfollower: I can understand everything that you are saying & will go a step further...when I DID have those feelings (comfortable & happy to be alone)begin about a year and a half ago I did meet someone who I am willing to comprimise for (even though sometimes it sucks ass).

Jess: I dunno. If it affects one person positively, then I guess it's served its purpose. However, it's not quite intended for one person (& certainly not just for the person who's blog that I read that I should be reading). And I wrote this mainly for myself.

4:28 PM

Blogger Homeperm said...

god. i hope people get that my boyfriend thing on my blog (ie the way i call every boy i've ever even seen my boyf) is seen as ironically as i inteded it. hmm...

i'm the world's best single person. well, i potentially know one person who is better than me. but other than that, i'm a world leader. i don't think it is good or bad - it just is. and i'm more than comfortable with that. that said, i don't enjoy movies my myself in the movie theater. i can eat dinner alone. and go to bars alone. both of which i think most people find harder than the movie thing. but movies are so expensive. i'd rather have someone to talk to about it afterwards at fifteen dollars a pop.

5:19 PM

Anonymous Kyle I said...

Em, where can I find girls like you? :P

I couldn't agree with you more on being single. I know several people that are always on the prowl and want so badly to be "happy and in love". And they are so miserable when they don't have someone's pretty pathetic to watch those people. I used to be like that but I grew out of it. If you spend your whole life living like that, it's going to pass you by before you know it. I could keep going (I've got A LOT to say about that subject) but you get the picture.

11:08 PM

Blogger iamnot said...

Great post and right on.
So many people are concerned about being half of a couple that they never learn to be a whole single.

10:36 AM

Blogger 123Valerie said...

Hi. I stumbled onto your blog through Grampa.

As a fiercely independent woman who embraces her single strength about 98% of the time and maintains that "relationships should enhance your life, not dominate them", I've been feeling a little mopey about not having a snuggle bunny.

Probably more upset about not having a snuggle penis, but whatever.

Thanks for giving me a good, swift kick in my single ass. I am woman, hear me roar, or something.

3:48 PM

Blogger The Innominate Blogger said...

interesting post...

5:15 PM

Blogger kermit said...

actually, i'd like the option of having a man to complete me. you never know when you need a spare liver, kidney or blood transfusion.

9:54 PM

Blogger Electronsean said...

girls should totes be single - how else am i supposed to have a one-night stand slamfest and contract STDs? NOT THROUGH GIRLS W/ BF'S!!1!

12:42 PM

Anonymous Nick said...

Honey... "misinturpretted"? Was that intentional, or am I gonna have to give you ten lashes with the spelling stick again? I love you!

10:47 AM

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