ardent bullshit comes down every faultline gushing heavily into jest kindly luscious melons nodding openly post quakes resting still to undermind various wonderous xylophones yawning zealously

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Skinny Pant, Stupid Names for Clothing & Now THIS?!


Since it's National Breast Cancer Awareness Month many salons in the area are offering special-priced services such as Manicures, Pedicures, 'Cut & Blow' (hee hee!), facials, laser hair removal (uh...), waxing of your bits (seriously, that's what a brazilian wax is....ouch & gross) & massage. So Schmale & I are all about luxurious pampering because it's going towards a great cause & we're worth it (really, L'Oreal said so!).

My job....find us some massages for Sunday morning. How fun, right? Have some breakfast with my favoritest Schmale & get some relaxation time, too. Well, apparently no salons are open on Sundays. Whatwhatwhat? Saturdays are out because of rehearsal. All of the salons close at like 8 or 9, so that's out because of working late, classes or more rehearsal.

Really. Thus, I ask....

Why are these services only available to those who have free time on Wednesdays at 11 am?

Obviously, they're not working (unless they work the night shift but then they're probably at home sleeping). Don't they know that us working girls can't just be all 'well, I guess I'll go get a massage today after I watch the Price is Right & then be back to catch the last half of All My Children'? We work & work & work, which is why we need the tender loving touch of a trained massage therapist (they get pissed if you call them masseuse or masseurs now) to take away the strain built up from a long week, & scrape together enough money from the 'i didn't drink so much this week so i'll spend my money on this' pile or the 'i'm still a little drunk from last night at 10 a.m. so i'll spend a bunch of money because i don't care' emergency pile.

I need a sugar daddy.

3 Comments:

Anonymous elginroots said...

i definitely don't have the money for it, but i am tempted to indulge with you whenever you find a place that is open. you might be shocked to hear this, but, I'VE NEVER HAD A PROFESSIONAL MASSAGE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!

12:18 PM

 
Blogger kermit said...

see, this is why you need to train henry and george to give you massages.

12:36 PM

 
Blogger emertron said...

Jess: Okey dokey, get ready for bliss!!!

Kermit: That's so funny that you mentioned that because a while back I wrote about strategically placing treats on my pressure points for Merlin to eat & give me a back run at the same time.

2:11 PM

 

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