ardent bullshit comes down every faultline gushing heavily into jest kindly luscious melons nodding openly post quakes resting still to undermind various wonderous xylophones yawning zealously

Friday, April 27, 2007

Vents


I wrote this long post about stuff that's been bugging me at work & then erased it because it's stupid & I just need to get over it. So what somebody doesn't give you Christmas cards, invite you to lunch, look you in the eye, say hi to you in the halls & basicly ignores your existance solely based on the color of your skin. That's no big deal, right?

Instead I'll share some really scary news with you........there was a wasp in the apartment this last Saturday night right by the light in the hallway outside the bathroom & it appeared like magically & then dissappeared & then reappeared. There were about 10 or so people over that night (fun night dudes!) & some of them live in this place called the Subject House. Well, it's a real shithole & they have a tally of mice that they've killed in there & it's like 7 thousand or something. So I was all 'yeah, you guys take care of that, I get stung & it's ER time for tron'. But when it disappeared again we just stood, really puzzled. Where did it go? When Josh noticed that there is space between the ceiling & the wall (really old building) & asked if I had caulk.

Uh, no.

On Monday I called the landlord & was all 'hey marj, there's the dealio' & she gave me Zee's number & he was all 'yeah, you should call rich on this one' so I called Rich & he was all 'well, until you see another one, i'm not going to call the exterminator even though there's more than a slight possibility that you have wasps in your attic or right outside your bathroom or in your walls or coming through your vents'. What a douche.

Speaking of douches, the Jonathon Edwards episode of South Park was on last week & includes some of the funniest 'douche' dialogue between Stan & J.E. Totally rent-worthy.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Items of Note

First, no more news on the the-boyfriend's-going-to-be-a-scumbag front (see: law school). This turns out extremely frustrating as a 'planner'. Maybe the universe decided that now is the time to test patience.

Second, my flatulance has reached an apex of sorts. Thus, hilarity abounds in the apartment. Well, at least for me. Too bad Ethan doesn't share the same respect (if you can call it that) for farts.

Third, as a response to Kermit's comment in my last post..... No mice, yet. But I think you're right about the mouse thing. When I had a cockroach (first I'd ever seen & it wa the scariest thing like EVER) in my last apartment, Merlin looked at it & just batted. He & the ex-bf waited for me to kill it. Yeah. Men. Whatever. Sissies. So Kermit, you're right.

Forth, there have been some issues at work lately which I've not dealt with before. At first it seemed to be written-off-able (yes, just made up that word). But at this point I cannot continue to ignore them and anticipate writing about them in the near future. Just not ready yet.

Fifth, recently I've dreamt of the squirrels that ate the tulip bulbs I planted in the autumn. They were slingshotting the bulbs back at me. Currently, the flowerboxes on the balcony stay flowerless. I guess at least some squirrels were fed through the winter.

Sixth, George & Henry are cats & it's quite interesting to observe that sibling rivalry occurs even among cats. They love and hate each other in the same breath. I miss my brother. And have a new-found respect for our mom.

Ugh! How dour. Promise the next post will be full of funny, exagerrated stories. But for now, this'll have to do.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Georgie's Favorite Toy

It's official. There's no more silly. Well at least not at this point. Which is silly in and of itself. Well, this weekend there were some silly moments with my parents but I came home & soon all the silliness was gone again. Hmph. So instead I'll tell you a silly story from a few months ago. It's called Georgie's Favorite Toy......

So my great pal, Jaycie bought Georgie & Henry some neat toys as a welcome into their new home (that's Henry playing with the yellow mouse). A couple of the toys were these little, furry mice that they immediately took to. Mind you, these are the days before Henry became rotund overnight (apparently he swallowed a bowling ball or something.....for reals). They tossed up the multicolored mice & batted them across the floor only retrieve them & do it again. It was absolutely adorable & I felt a bit more comfortable with the thought that if a mouse was ever in the house that it stood no chance up against these two, ferocious kitty cats. But then I noticed that George would get a mouse in his mouth & act all sketchy, sleeking around, glaring at Henry & growling. Acting kinda mean.

Both George & Henry have fantastic dispositions & are very happy & affectionate cats, even with strangers. Once you're around for more than 2 minutes they'll jump right up in your lap & start purring. Really! Just ask Jackie, as that's what she experienced last week during Top Model.

Well, that's no good so I figured that since they have like a thousand other toys that they'd be fine without these & threw away all the mice. One evening I noticed that George had something in his mouth & was growling & slinking away just as he'd done earlier that week.

'goddamnit i didn't get rid of all of the mice...oh well, i'll just get it now' is what went through my head while approaching him. I could have sworn that I'd swept the apartment clean of these silly mice, looked under rugs, the bed & couches. And as I got closer I realized that he didn't have a play mouse in his mouth. 'Georgie, what do you have?', I said to him. He sunk farther to the ground. 'GEORGIE! Come here & give me that.' And as his cute little furry chin lifted I saw what he acted so possessive about.......a tampon. Little fucker has since opened my backpack to dig out sterile feminine products. And figured out how to get into the bathroom cabinet. You now need two locks & a fingerprint to get into those supplies.

That's Georgie to the left.

Between his attempts to drink wine & seeking out of tampons, I'm beginning to think that Georgie thinks he's a human woman.

In other news, Ethan got into U of IL with a $10k/year scholarship (yay for $, boo for location) & didn't get into U of Chicago or Georgetown. ComeonNorthwestern.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

A Haiku


Dear Advil Cold & Sinus:

A discovery
No longer will I live in
Pain for 3 months. Kiss.