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Tuesday, November 06, 2007

I'm all lost in the Supermarket. I can no longer shop happily.

The last couple weeks have been really busy. Biz-zee. Switching insurance, getting a doctor, flying home for 48 hours to get Farrah drank off my hamps, submitting a dozen grants, desperately trying to get back to Hottsville, population me, via step & dance classes, hormonal & all the time acting the cheery, chipper tron we all know & some of us love. So I've begun to feel a wee bit like how I did in Chicago, overwhelmed.

Last Tuesday I got home at 6:30 after a stressful day to enter into more stress at home. Fight. Big fight. So off to Step I went, all 'whatever, don't act like a douchbag, etro' in an attempt to step away my frustration. Step didn't help too much & I was still very upset.

Grocery stores are NOT good places to go if you're feeling a little emotionally unstable.

And then all of the stress that's been building up for the last 6 months came crashing down. Hard. Gramma dying. Dad having cancer. The abuse I endured during my last job. Moving. Finding a new home. Finding a new job. Finding new friends. Paying bills. Replacing furniture. All of it. Boom. Right there at the Shaw's.

I walked into the store & saw all of this Thanksgiving stuff & immediately felt the pang that I won't be home to tell my dad how happy & thankful I am that he's healthy in person this year.

Bananas. Need bananas. Got bananas. Check.

Tears were welling up in my eyes. Play it off as post-workout salty eyes.

Healthy frozen lunches. Got em.

Granola bars. Uh, I thought they were here. The aisle signs should mention them, right? But they don't. I've bought granola bars at least a half dozen times already at this Shaw's. They should be right, no, they're not. Where are they?

What is this? Christmas aisle? Halloween's not until tomorrow. Wow, this is going to be the first Christmas without Gramma there since Mom & Orv got married. She was such a sweet lady & told such great stories. Oh god, it's getting worse. I've got to get out of here before I start blubbering & have to sit down & they call security & I end up in some mental looney bin because I was crying in aisle 5.

Where in the fuck are the granola bars? Did a tear just let loose? Bite your lips. Bite your lips. Oh, there are the overpriced organic or something ones. But which ones does Ethan want? Fuck it. I'll just get one of each. Except for ones with raisins because raisins are gross.

So I made it up to the checkout with 8 different kinds of expensive granola bars and at that point just didn't even care anymore. Somehow I choked out that I needed a roll of quarters & made it to my car without completely losing my shit.

I told Taylor the story the next day & both of us laughed so hard our tummies hurt & thus a new explanation of a situational feeling has been born. The Where the Fuck are the Granola Bars times. And so I have officially had my first breakdown in Boston & feel much better now.



Blogger Will said...

The supermarket can be pretty overwhelming at times, especially if it's crowded.

2:27 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey wow!
Where'd you move to?
Sounds like your life has been quite a roller coaster.

At least I can identify with picking up and moving to a whole new city.

10:12 PM

Blogger Karen said...

That whole "biting the lip in an effort to choke back tears" NEVER works for me.

3:20 PM


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