ardent bullshit comes down every faultline gushing heavily into jest kindly luscious melons nodding openly post quakes resting still to undermind various wonderous xylophones yawning zealously

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Night Conversations

the rageee
me: yeah.
i actually am feeling a bit better.
you certainly helped with that:)
Friend: really? i'm like mega tears haha
better to get it out now than at work
me: on my walk home i was feeling like i wanted to punch a sign.
just felt so sajfiodaghi;ewaofje;oawifhiewa
Friend: i ran my 3 miles faster than normal
11:33 PM
me: yeah.
it is better to get it out now.
let it all release.
speaking of release, it's ciggy time again.
will you be around in 3?
11:34 PM
Friend: yah
11:39 PM
me: i can see my front door from my porch.
through the windows & down the hallway.
11:40 PM
and for the longest time i would hope to see ethan walk through that door.
and throw his arms around me.
and say 'baby, i want to work this out'
'you and me'
11:41 PM
so pretty much everyday since about october i kept hoping that would happen.
and every time i saw him i'd hope the same thing.
and it just made me so angry.
and feel so hurt.
that he would say 'you have a tent? why don't we go camping?'
11:42 PM
Friend: dang
me: and then time would go by & we wouldn't.
and i would get angry & start a fight.
hoping maybe that would jar it out of him.
and it obviously didn't.
11:43 PM
so i guess that with every day that goes by, it's one day closer to those hopes completely vanishing.
they still pop up.
Friend: yup
me: one just did outside.
but now i'm not expecting him to come through the door.
11:44 PM
and i sincerely don't think that he wanted to ruin my life or anything as ridiculously self-absorbed as that. No one is out to ruin your life. And if they sincerely are, then they need a hobby or something.
and i think that maybe he thought it would change too.
but you can't change a relationship like that without some extreme amount of compromise.
it's like i said before....
Friend: well it's too late
me: love is like communism.
Friend: what he did is unforgivable
and yeah men don't compromise
11:45 PM
because they are raised to think the world revolves around them
me: in order for it to work, all parties involved must have an abundance of willingness.
and even at that, it doesn't always mean that it will work.

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Blogger iamnot said...

Sorry for the feelings....

Don't take away that bit about the world revolving and put that on all men. If you do, you'll never find the one you need that doesn't live that way.

9:55 AM

Blogger Texas Cinderella said...

Sorry you're still hurting. You deserve a guy that will meet you half way and put in a combined effort. We both do.

Keep your chin up!

3:01 PM

Blogger emertron said...

iamnot: no, i won't. it's tough to believe sometimes but i know deep down it's not true.

tc: thanks. yeah. it's just going to take a whole lot of time. please pass the chocolate peanut butter ice cream.

11:01 AM


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