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Tuesday, August 05, 2008

I guess farting's out of the question


The following is an email that I received yesterday from a woman I used to work with. Look, I could go into it but, well, I think it speaks for itself.

I often warn women who are contemplating marriage to marry someone who can take care of them. When a woman marries, it ought to be to someone who is capable of taking her to the next level. If she comes from poverty, there is no reason for her to get married and still be impoverished. The role of the man is to take her to another place.

When she gets married, she ought to dress better, drive better, live better, and eat better, not constantly be in a struggle over where her next meal is coming from. My grandmother used to say, 'I can do bad all by myself'. For a woman desiring a mate, the objective, of course, would be to find a Christian man, who's settled, has goals, accomplishments and a job. But a goal-oriented and focused man can't just be approached any kind of way. So the woman who seeks this type of stability must make sure that he stands out above the crowd:

1. Make sure your relationship with God is strong and growing.

2. Make sure that you are presentable. Working from the inside out, your presentation should be representative o f both who you are and whom you seek. Appearance is a reflection of how you see yourself.

3. Have the ability to hold an intelligent conversation.

4. And most importantly, allow God to take control. You don't need to go after him. He's going to come after you, because after he sees and smells you and knows that you're in his presence, he's going to want to know who you are! I know there's somebody reading this who has been chasing after the 'man of your dreams,' but God says, 'Just sit still and allow patience to have her perfect work through Me. '

Furthermore, it's never a good idea to be too forward and too aggressive. Attempting to win a man's affection by jumping into bed with him will only backfire and cause him to lose interest in ever developing a lasting relationship. It causes him to lose respect for you and question your character.

However, if he sees that you are dressed with quality, that you smell like you are somebody, that you look like you're doing fine without him, then that will attract the right attention from him. He'll have no choice but to give you his attention. Stop looking so needy, climbing into bed, trying in vain to capture a man's heart.

Our young women need to be informed of how to catch and keep a man that will respect them.

P.S. Pass this on to every woman you know! 'If he can't meet you where you are....leave him where he's at!'

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5 Comments:

Blogger iamnot said...

On behalf of men everywhere, I have to say that she's wrong on the jumping in bed thing...really. :-)

Good advice overall I think.

4:29 PM

 
Anonymous kermit said...

And most importantly, allow God to take control. You don't need to go after him. He's going to come after you, because after he sees and smells you and knows that you're in his presence, he's going to want to know who you are!

Wait, is she saying that God is going to come after me to smell me? Oh noes!

9:05 PM

 
Anonymous Jess said...

So, lemme get this straight. . . If I smell good from the inside out, God will want me? SWEET.

9:20 PM

 
Blogger Texas Cinderella said...

All joking aside about smelling nice...which let's face it really does help :) the part of "allow god/universe to take control" is some pretty sound advice!!!

4:14 PM

 
Blogger emertron said...

Yeah, so to be honest, I kind of posted this as a joke. It's hilarious if you read it in an African-American Southside of Chicago preacher voice. Also, the woman who sent it to me is a bit of a joke herself.

Also, please note that I do not believe in 'catching' and 'keeping' a man. You CATCH a fish. You CATCH a thief. How the hell do you expect any respect or to be looked as a human being yourself when you're looking at a man as a bank account or a fucking fish?

Yes, it can be construed in some parts as good advice. But on the whole, I feel it's preachy (which the dude is a reverend or whatever) & overlooks a pretty important part of a relationship, what is it? OH YEAH....LOVE.

3:28 PM

 

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