ardent bullshit comes down every faultline gushing heavily into jest kindly luscious melons nodding openly post quakes resting still to undermind various wonderous xylophones yawning zealously

Monday, September 29, 2008

Making Lemonade out of Lemons

Well, dear friends, do I have a story for you! Unfortunately, I am not at liberty to share it just quite yet. Because it hasn't been resolved. However, once it is, well, then it'll get posted. Sit tight. And let's hope that it turns out as best it can.


Thursday, September 25, 2008

I'd like a show of hands, please

Raise your hand if you had a really good date last night.

(hand raised)


Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Wait, hold on, I'm a little confused

This was sent to me by a dear friend. I made a few comments after.

* If you grow up in Hawaii, raised by your grandparents, you're "exotic, different."

* Grow up in Alaska eating moose burgers, a quintessential American story.

* If your name is Barack you're a radical, unpatriotic Muslim.

* Name your kids Willow, Trig and Track, you're a maverick.

* Graduate from Harvard law School and you are unstable.

* Attend 5 different small colleges before graduating, you're well grounded.

* If you spend 3 years as a brilliant community organizer, become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor, spend 8 years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, b become chairman of the state Senate's Health and Human Services committee, spend 4 years in the United States Senate representing a
state of 13 million people while sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veteran's Affairs committees, you don't have any real leadership experience.

* If your total resume is: local weather girl, 4 years on the city council and 6 years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000 people, 20 months as the governor of a state with only 650,000 people, then you're qualified to become the country's second highest ranking executive.

* If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years while raising 2 beautiful daughters, all within Protestant churches, you're not a real Christian.

* If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, and left your disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month, you're a Christian.
* If you teach responsible, age appropriate sex education, including the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the fiber of society.

* If , while governor, you staunchly advocate abstinence only, with no other option in sex education in your state's school system while your unwed teen daughter ends up pregnant , you're very responsible.

* If your wife is a Harvard graduate lawyer who gave up a position in a prestigious law firm to work for the betterment of her inner city community, then gave that up to raise a family, your family's values don't represent America's.

* If you're husband is nicknamed "First Dude", with at least one DWI conviction and no college education, who didn't register to vote until age 25 and once was a member of a group that advocated the secession of Alaska from the USA, your family is extremely admirable.

Well, I've written these comments few different times now. And it just doesn't seem to drive home what I mean to say. You know? Kind of pussy-footing around the point when the words don't seem to come naturally. What I will say is that voting is a selfish act. And rightfully so. Everyone should vote for what they believe in. Not because they are the same color or sex as the nominee or in 'your party'. Or the opposite. I feel strongly about that. Vote on issues. Unfortunately, the political veil can lead us in the wrong direction when candidates campaign in one way but then act in another. I urge you to speak up if that happens. That is false advertising & technically illegal (several marketing ethics classes taught me that).

Also, we are all assholes. We all fuck up from time to time. We all do good. But seeking out only faults of others without recognizing our own is dangerous.

I do not like talking politics on one side or another. I've found that grouping yourself in situations like this allow for false preconceptions and unwarranted judgment.

Once my thoughts are gathered more coherently on one issue in particular I may write about that. But not now.

In closing, I'd like to quote one of my 3 heros:

"There's only one rule I know of, babies - Goddamnit, you've got to be kind" -Kurt Vonnegut

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Tuesday, September 09, 2008

I Want Someone to Buy Cupcakes For

Aaaaand we're back in the Movie Phase.

Friday night I went to see Vicky Christina Barcelona. Um, awesome. Just go. Don't question me. Just. Go. See. It. I can't write any more about the film or I'll give it all away.

Popcorn & cherry coke for dinner.

Saturday was muggy & rainy & gross. Upon looking for the mail key in the keys that Ethan left the weekend before, there was none to be found. Yep, he forgot to leave the mail key. So, you mean it’s been 4 fucking months & I’m STILL taking time out of MY day to have to go do something (get a new key made) because he’s too careless & lazy to fucking make sure that he left it when he came to pick up his things?

The answer to that, my friends, is yes. Tonight, Tuesday, I will be taking time out of my evening (the only evening without classes or plans this week, mind you) to go get & pay for a new mail key.

But you know what? That is the last conceivable hassle I should ever have to go through regarding that relationship. And that feels good.

Back to Saturday…I’d made plans & REALLY wanted to cancel last minute but instead put on some Madonna to motivate myself. Got a little dolled up (actually put on eyeliner) & headed toward the 57 bus only to watch it pull away a block before I reached the stop. No biggie, these come every 10 minutes.

Then it started raining.

30 minutes later, I was already late if I took the bus & decided to just take a cab. The bus pulled up right before the next cab did so I got on the bus & opened Bluebeard in an attempt to calm my very wet self. 20 minutes later, already late for dinner, without having even made the transfer to the 2nd bus I exited & figured a cab would be by soon. A half mile later a cab came along.

About 2 minutes into the ride the driver’s telephone rang or made an alert. He fished it out of his pocket & struggled with the keys a little bit. After about a minute of that, he finally gave into the full on telephone stare while flying through intersections. Whizzing past cones & side mirrors while he, a couple times, turned completely around to look at me to ‘chat’. I was relieved that the ride was over. But also completely disoriented. I’d never been to Newton Center & had no clue where the restaurant was. So what do you do when you can’t find the restaurant? Walk into the closest one (Appetito in this case) & ask.

“Um, excuse me, could you please tell me where Sabra is?”

A very nice gentleman pointed me in the right direction & off I went skipping over puddles to enjoy what would be a lovely Middle Eastern meal, listening to stories about dancing and teachers and kind of where everyone was & how they got there. I heard reassuring tales of finding love, changing careers, back stage mishaps, etc. And then it was time to go.

A co-worker was having a birthday party…WITH A KEG…that evening so a friend & I were meeting up & heading over there for an hour or so. (having not been to a keg party in years it was like turning back the time to age 22)

Upon leaving Sabra no cabs, again. So I ducked back into Appetito, hoping that the previous gentleman wouldn’t be there or wouldn’t recognize me because what asshole stops in for directions to ANOTHER RESTAURANT & then after she eats comes back to ORIGINAL RESTAURANT and asks for the number of a cab service?

Wait. That’s me! I’m that asshole!!!

The cab would take 20 minutes (late to a party….again) so I figured if I ordered a glass of wine I wasn’t too much of an asshole. Turns out the man, whose name I can’t remember (another asshole move), is the owner so he chatted with me for the 20 minutes I was waiting for a cab. When I went to pay, he said to just come back sometime.

That, sir, I will do.

The taxi driver asked to where I was headed & I responded “some keg party in Brighton you can just drop me off by The Last Drop”.

“Oh yeah, I know wheyah that is. I live ovah theyah. You know I bring my OWN keg to a keg pahty.”


About 3 minutes later we’re flying through the hilly streets of Newton as she explained that this is how she gets to & from her mothers house. And then….

“You know, I wish I had my muthah’s cah right about now the headlights ah so much bettah.” (pause…start to accelerate & continues to through her next monologue) “Those kids who work durin tha day they get the nice cahs theyah parents buy them for em and they get to work during tha day and get the bettah jobs because they ah spoiled and don’t do nothin’ for it they get it all.” Mind you, we’re traveling about 35 miles per hour through windy, narrow roads WHILE THE AFTERMATH OF A FREAKING HURRICANE IS POURING RAIN ON US.

At this point I covered up the North Face logo on my rain jacket & nodded my head in agreement, not wanting to comment on her driving style or the fact that I feared for my life a bit at that point.

What a way to go!

“Hey heeyah we ah.”

“Thanks! Keep the change.”

“Oh have a beeyah foh me, k?!”

“I’ll have a couple for you.”

The party was surprisingly fun & it turns out that my pal, S (who I brought with), used to live with my co-worker. Yeah. Time to move cities again.

T & I went on a walk the next morning, her full of energy & me brushing the keg beer lint out of my brain. Over to Harvard Square, down Mass Ave & into downtown we found something. A cupcake shop. Cheating death yet again (this time due to the involuntary response of seeing a baked goods store that caused me to not look both ways), we found ourselves at Sweet. And that’s the best description of this place. Sweet. Sweet Jebus, it was delicious.

And so we sat there & I looked at T & said, “you know I think one of the most difficult things to get used to is not bringing treats home. That’s something that I really relish in, bringing home or baking cookies to see the smile on someone’s face.”

She nodded in agreement but think that it was more like a nod in “cupcakes sooooo good”. Yeah, I buy myself cupcakes but still like to share. Looks like my co-workers & friends will be receiving a whole lot of cupcakes.

Anyways, we hung out for a bit longer, walked around Newbury & finally made it back home with I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With. Figured, it’d be nice to unwind with a sweet little movie after reading school stuff.

And guess what?

The movie pretty much sucked. Yeah, hate to say it but the review that I read that described it as an Annie Hall wanna-be set in Chicago pretty much nailed it on the head. Sorry Mr. Garlin.

So that’s that. Kinda ho hum. But certainly feeling a bit better. If anybody wants a cupcake, just give me a holler.


Friday, September 05, 2008

Best. Halloween. Ever.

Just got tickets for David Byrne on Halloween in Boston. Yeah, I'm totally dressing up. Yeah, there'll be glitter. Yeah, it'll be awesome.

Have tickets for The Notwist on the 12th right after I fly home from Mexico.

Now all I have to do is find dates.

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Thursday, September 04, 2008

Chin up. Shoulders back.

Work is insanely busy. I'm actually just taking a minute off to clear my head & rearrange my thoughts before my little brain explodes.

Soooo....I think that the universe is testing me.

For like 5+ years I haven't had an overdraft fee. Why would I? I check my account like crazy. Yet I got a little over-productive, apparently, on paying bills. My electric charged me twice. Annoying but whatever. I called them & they were like 'whoops you have a new account so we'll just credit next month'. Cable charged me early by like 2 weeks. Um, okay, but that kind of messes up my schedule. 2 checks cleared that I thought had cleared like a month ago. My bee.

So when I wrote my rent check for Sept. 5, I was making sure that a new check would clear so that my account wouldn't get too low, right?

WRONG. Did you know that banks 'don't even look at the date on the check'?!?! That's total bullshit! Why have the freaking date on there in the first place?

Answer: so that you know for your records when you wrote it.

Question: But why does it matter when I wrote it if you're just going to run up into the future & cash it?!

Ugh. Looks like my weekend spending money is going towards stupid fees.

I think it's about time to slow the fuck down again & spend the weekend reading at Walden.


Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Cottage cheese & peaches

The dentist (pain-inflictor) I started going to found a cavity a month ago. I haven't had a cavity since I was 7 years old. I'm going to have that filled in this afternoon.

It's the end of an era.

Then I'm going to ballet & to dinner with a dear friend from high school We haven't seen each other since college.

Good times.

Also, there is officially nothing left in my basement that belongs to Ethan. He came by on Sunday to pick it all up. I didn't see him. Couldn't. It would have been more painful than the dentist. But that's all over now. Onward & upward. My neighbor, J, did see him & said he looked awful. I think I toasted to that roughly 2 dozen times on Sunday night. And a new neighbor, T, stopped by for a while to eat some foods & drink some beers & asked me what was wrong with Ethan. I was like 'i dunno, tried figuring that out for the last couple's just him & he marches to the beat of his own drummer despite making others' lives much more difficult as a result' to which sweet T said 'no, I mean, what the hell is wrong with him? he's an idiot. i can't believe he gave you up....i'd love to date you'. That made my heart smile a little.

Maybe I'll recap my dating adventures thus far. But probably not. All that I have certainly realized is that it's too soon. I feel awkward, end up getting super-shy & reserved (NOT my personality at all) & finish the night with 'we should just be friends' wanting only to crawl into a nice warm bath & then my comfy bed. Oh well. It'll happen eventually, right? And if not, there's always Henry.

Oh god...I should probably end it now for nothing other than that last statement.

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