ardent bullshit comes down every faultline gushing heavily into jest kindly luscious melons nodding openly post quakes resting still to undermind various wonderous xylophones yawning zealously

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Stumbling My Way Along


Recently, I've gone through what I'll just describe as an extremely painful period. It's been messy & dirty & going to those places that you try to bury. But sooner or later, they make you deal with them.

'Hey Tron, you must deal with me.....because I'm not going away'.

Fuck. Really?

'Yes'.

Within the last week I've felt better than I had for over a month. And feel like I've (finally....as it feels like an eternity when you're going through it) made progress & know at least a little of what it's been all about. And staying true to form, I've buried myself in music. Some old (BSS 'You Forgot it in People' & The Beatles 'Help'). But mostly new (Blitzen Trapper & Bon Iver). And have stumbled onto the Helio Sequence. Below are lyrics that perfectly suit the result of this most recent depressed period.

Lately
Lately I don’t think of you at all
Or wonder what you’re up to
Or how you’re getting on
I never think of calling you
Or how things could have been
Or wonder where you sleep at night
Or whose arms you wake in
I’m living alone, living alone
I don’t need you anymore
I’m living alone, living alone
I don’t need you anymore
Lately
I don’t get lost in daydreams
I never lay awake at night
Staring in my bed
And I don’t think about your face
Or anything you’ve said
And I don’t think twice
When someone says your name
Or twist my mind in circles
Wondering which of us to blame
I’m living alone, living alone
I don’t need you, anymore
Living alone, living alone
I don’t need you anymore
I never walk alone and think
Of all the empty words
Or wonder when the day will break
Or when the tides will turn
And I don’t break down
When someone says your name
Or twist my mind in circles
Wondering which of us to blame
I’m living alone, living alone
I don’t need you anymore
Living alone living alone
I don’t need you anymore
Lately I don’t think of you at all
Lately
Oh, lately

It's strange to get to this point. Good, but strange. The anger's gone. Which opens oneself up to remembering what it was that you originally fell in love with. It can prove a very dangerous point. But in the case with Ethan, I won't be calling to meet up & attempt a friendship. That said, if I saw him out I don't think that I would run away (2 months I would have literally run....away....fast).

Wednesday is the Epi final. So it's time to study. And listen to music. Maybe I'll take myself to a movie tonight.

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2 Comments:

Blogger Jess said...

First of all, I love your Charlie Brown tree. Second, and very oddly, I also love that Helio Sequence song but can't listen to it because it's too painful. They have many other lovely songs, however. And lastly, I'm glad that we're both leaving our dangerous and unhappy places. It's better to listen to good music and spend time with pets. And solo movie trips :)

6:10 PM

 
Blogger Sun Follower said...

PROGRESS is a good thing :)

2:29 AM

 

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