ardent bullshit comes down every faultline gushing heavily into jest kindly luscious melons nodding openly post quakes resting still to undermind various wonderous xylophones yawning zealously

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

It's not you, it's, wait, it is you.

So I've waited about 5 months to post an abbreviated version of the following story due to possible legal issues. Bear in mind that there is no concrete ending to this because, well, I don't know if it's over for all parties involved. But it is done for me and I'm sleeping well again. And, at least for me, there is a very happy ending.

Remember how Ethan & I broke up? Of course you do. And how I got a new roommate after that & was really optimistic & actually looking forward to living with someone again? Well, I was.

So this girl, Mary, moved into the 2nd bedroom of the apartment in August. She is a law school student starting her first year coming from Asia. She'd not been to the US before but has an advanced degree from an English school & seemed very nice & was excited to move in.

5ish weeks into living together I got a call from my landlords while I was in class requesting I call them as soon as possible.

'Hi John, it's Tron.....what's going on? Is everything okay?'

'Nope......Mary's moving out.'


So I went out on my scheduled little date that night with Mono (another changed name) & was a bit freaked out. Got home & was like 'Mary, what's going on?'.......'I'm not moving anymore'......'Uh, you were moving before?'.......'Yes'.

Upon checking my emails, there was a nice little note saying that she enjoyed living with me & will miss me & the kitties. Mind you, by this point, I caught on that she was a little 'off'. At one point she looked at Georgie & said 'i like monkey.......i hate fatty' while scowling at Henry. I was like 'woah, come here, tubbo, i love you'.

I asked how I could help & that a cultural transition is scary & jarring. Her responses were out-right rude.....'you forget, i have travelled all over the world and east/west that is such a cliche'. So much for compassion. Anyways, back & forth a few times with moving & not moving & ultimately deciding to move out but paying through the lease. I breathed a sigh of relief because I figured that I would have to spot all rent & utilities at this point. Which is doable, but very very very tight.

Reasons included (in chronological order):
1. Someone followed her home (this was news to me & I live in a safe neighborhood so it was kind of weird...but I was all 'then let's get some pepper spray & a cell phone for you'....she responded with 'NO')
2. Her commute was too long (she was fully aware of the commute months before moving in & it's a total of 45 minutes if you have to wait for buses....pretty typical of Boston)
3. She just couldn't hack it
4. The utilities were high (again, this was fully disclosed before signing a lease.....yes, a LEASE)
5. The apartment was dirty (I found this out a month later that she had claimed this......dear friends, you KNOW my apartment is not dirty)
6. The cats bothered her (uuuuhhhhh......well, she was excited to move in with cats)
7. The apartment was smoky (I'll have you know that absolutely NOTHING has been smoked in this apartment as long as I've lived here)

A couple days after her departure, I began receiving emails from strangers requesting that they 'take the room' from the ad. What ad? Yeah, turns out Mary put an ad on craigslist advertising for the room (complete with pictures & address) without talking to myself OR the landlords. This was not cool.

Then her facebook status included such updates as 'my landlady should not be surprised when they find news of me being raped, murdered or mugged', 'my landlady will rot in allston hole', 'i am going to fight for the rights of animals because they do not have voices', 'declawing cats is evil', etc.....I have them all documented but am too lazy to look up the rest at this point.

At this point, the landlord & I began receiving emails about how this was a complete injustice to her. She spouted off legal jargon that made no sense & was irrelevant. She would send links to BLOGS about how some guy thought that smoking was the most disgusting thing in the world.

And then I received an email from someone who I'd never heard of........Subject: Smoke, Body: All smokers should die. Awesome, huh?

About this time the legal issues began. Mary, upon being counseled by a legal friend, thought it was a good idea to take us to court for all of the injustices she had encountered BY BREAKING HER LEASE VOLUNTARILY.

By this point, I'd placed an ad for a roommate. There was never a question as to whether I would get another roommate. We (landlords & I) never fought that or declared that as a non-option. Posting something without consent or communication, however, is unacceptable. There are some really strange people out there.

Then I heard from 'Heidi from West Coast' who was a visiting scholar to Boston & had heard about the 'room for let' from a 'relative'. Coincidentally, Heidi from West Coast would be staying out on the East Coast for 6 months. Me: Heidi, how did you learn about this? Her: a relative Me: Who? Her: I don't know Me: I need a name Her: I have found another let. Put it together, folks.

By that time, I'd received an ad response from someone. Her name is Star. She sounded very nice. And offered her telephone number to talk so that we could communicate more personally. She offered her references willingly & actually had a friend come over to see the place. (he told me while he was here that it was his duty to make sure it wasn't a scam.......I told him that I wanted to meet someone she knew for a face to face reference that she wasn't crazy)

Then came the opinion BLOGS about declawing cats. And another email from unknown (but same) person........Subject: Declawing Cats, Body: Is like cutting off their fingers. Don't do something to someone you wouldn't want done to you. Superawesome, huh? Upon googling the email address, it was tied to the dialect of the place that Mary's from.

By this point, I'd not slept well for weeks. Reverting back to post-breakup sleep habits (falling asleep on the couch because I couldn't sleep in my bed for fear that someone who still had keys would come in & wake me up to my hand in garden shears)

After talking extensively with the landlords, we both had a good feeling about Star. And sent a lease. She signed. I became nervous. So many roommates & very few of them are still friends. I know that I can be difficult at times but really? You begin to think in situations like that things like 'it's me....what's wrong with me?'.

I am happy to report that Star is fantastic. We get along splendidly. She is funny & sweet & likes Physics (we had a whole long conversation last week about projectiles & the fun of figuring out where something is going to land!). We go to Bikram together on the weekends & walk around Harvard Square afterwards, talking & laughing the whole time. She's totally down to earth & friendly & probably the most polite person I've ever met in my life. That being said, she also has a clever & witty sense of humor. I have smiled to myself several time since she moved in about how nice of a presence she has & how it's good to be around her. Granted, I'm sure we'll clash at some point, but right now this is awesome & better than I could have hoped for.

Currently, I'm unaware of the court situation that Whackadoo, er Mary, brought on but am pretty sure that has dropped off. It's unfortunate that we had to deal with that stress but in the end, it has all worked out.

The End. For Now.



Blogger BSH ADMIN said...

I have heard pieces of this story, but seeing it all together here? INSANE. I mean, COMPLETELY FUCKING NUTS.

Wow. I would take my scammy non paying subletter over "mary" any day.

3:50 PM


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