ardent bullshit comes down every faultline gushing heavily into jest kindly luscious melons nodding openly post quakes resting still to undermind various wonderous xylophones yawning zealously

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

I'm the kinda that you wanna

Just a few things.

For starters, I figured it out.

What out, dumdum?

Why people can't walk in Boston.

Oh yeah, did you do your stupid survey?

No. But it dawned on me while walking home from pilates (btw, I've decided that this is the summer of Operation Titty Shrink) I realized.....these people aren't just WALKING, they're playing a game of Red Rover!

Wait, what the hell is Operation Titty Shrink? Are you getting a reduction? You do realize that will smash any chance of you getting laid or a husband.

Operation Titty Shrink is my plan for getting back into shape. I almost called it Operation Linda Hamilton Arms but that's a bit lofty don't you think?

I'm bored with your boobs. What is this Red Rover Theory?

Yeah, so people just walk in horizontal lines here & don't let you pass. At all. It's really bad. So instead of being frustrated with this, I will run through people who walk like this & proclaim "WOOOOO!!! I WON SUCKAS!!! I MADE IT THROUGH YOUR RED ROVER WALL!!!"

With your soon-to-be teensy boobs?


Oh jesus, I can not wait to hear stories about this.

How to make the 11 o'clock news by Emertron.

Another holiday weekend has come and gone. Currently, I've found that nice calm place in my self again. Hopefully it'll stick around for a while. You know, that place where things just kind of roll off your back & in lieu of going out & doing things, I'm saying no to about half of the social obligations I'm invited to.

Not only acting picky about the dudes (not that they're lined up outside my door or anything) but also regarding social engagements. I'd much rather opt for nice, chill, intimate evenings with friends than large parties. I also haven't talked on the phone on my way to or home from work.

Silence is golden.

When it's all chaotic I tend to obsess, especially about where I need to be next rather than taking the time to be where I am in that present, & really, that's not a comfortable place. I've also come to realize that like in Chicago (& everywhere I've lived....although, I'm basing the solidity of this off of my adult life because, well, come on, childhood friends are a crapshoot sometimes), the friends I make tend to lean towards a diverse group. Not like we're the colors of Benetton but that there isn't a "we". Which makes for an incredible support system but awkward birthday parties.

I don't know what it is but I'm not really a groupy-type person. For as long as I remember I've been in group-spurring activities: cheerleading, gymnastics, swimming, drama, radio stations, sorority, etc. but it just never really formed into specific groups of people. Just ended up gaining some very close friends kind of all over the place. And it's not like I'm that girl who everyone loves because plenty of people dislike me or we're just not pals.

It's an interesting feeling when you realize those little things about yourself. Not that you're oblivious but really confronting it & owning that as part of your personality. Part of it is that although I'm generally quite extrovert, in order to keep sanity, I absolutely must have a good amount of "alone" or "me" time & become incredibly introverted. Walking around new neighborhoods, watching teevee on deeveedee, playing the flute (which should have tipped me off like 16 years ago when I didn't fit in with the high school band & instead stuck with private lessons & playing on my own or in small groups), reading a book in the grass at a random park. During those times I ignore my phone (unless it's something super-important) & just zone out. Sometimes it gets lonely but mostly, those times allow me to reflect about what's really going on.

And recharge.

Speaking of which, it's television time for me.

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Saturday, May 23, 2009


Life=hhhhmmmmm (with a smile)

It will all work out.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

I've Spent My Life Trying to Understand Just How My Life Led to Where I Am

Happy Independence Day!

You idiot. Independence Day isn't in May. It's in July. 3 days before your birthday, in fact. Have you completely lost it? Is this because you still can't get laid?

No. This has nothing to do with the lack of layage. It's MY Independence Day! I have been single for a WHOLE YEAR! Can you believe it?!?!

Yes. And this absolutely is about you not getting laid.

Hhhmmm....guess you're right on that one. So anyways, this weekend has been all about me. And being good to me.

Oh yeah? How about getting you laid? I know you say it's okay, but I know you get down about not getting any man love.

No dice. But really.....oh well. In the last year I've gained more respect & love for myself than I've ever had. I've paid my own way. Been to several new places. Don't feel tied to a job. Got into grad school. Paid off a good chunk of debt. Been free & clear of an abusive relationship. Found out that that I'm dancing company classes. Oh, and did I mention getting into grad school?

What an amazing feeling.


Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Hold it Right There

You remember how bummed I was about not getting into BU & was like....


And my friends & family have been so supportive & stuff & made me feel better & got me drunk & then we sobered up & were like "everything happens for a reason".

Well, I know the reason now why I didn't get into the MSci program.


That's right, baby! I got in. I thought if I didn't get into the MSci with my through the roof math scores that they certainly wouldn't let me into the MPH. But I was WRONG.


Tuesday, May 12, 2009

At this point in my life I generally get two questions:

1. Dating anyone special?


2. What's your next career move?

Seeing as the latter shat the bed last week, looks like I'll be focusing more on guiding conversation with the over 50 crowd to Question #1. Even as nails into my palm as it is, it remains much easier to explain than "well, I took the tests, began taking classes, have a 3.5 in those classes & was pretty much assured not to worry about getting in", I didn't. Poor me. Boo hoo.

P.S. Looks like I got an A in that last class. Yipee!

And although I've pretty much repeated "I don't want to date, I'm happy alone" and do mean it for the past 6 months (there was that spurt of dating, remember.....Dr. H (the Ethics professor who wasn't yet divorced....sorry D, it's ironic), Mono (the MIT grad student who wanted to be monogamous but didn't want a relationship), 25YO (the hot hot 25 year old who made me that awful mushroom house/Smoking Moon/Black Crows mix)), my door certainly isn't bolted shut because, well, who knows, right? I've received advice to go out more (no, waste of time & money), hang out in coffee shops, try finding a nice boy at church (which is sacrilege in my opinion since I'm not quite a "believer"....I have my own thing, but still sweet advice) and my favorite being to meet someone doing what I love to do (as we all know ballerinos generally steer clear of girls in the dating realm).

I've exhausted a few means (friends) & have looked toward how some friends have found people & figured what the hell. In fact, on a hazy (in my mind & outside) morning I actually signed up for eHarmony.


So I filled out the profile & was very honest about myself. No sugar-coating here. What you see is what you get. Granted, I left off that Henry sits at the edge of the tub while I shower & I dribble water into his mouth. Nor did I include that one of my favorite things to do on Friday night is to clean my apartment while drinking a really good bottle of wine & dance with the broom to "Naive Music (this must be the place)". And my borderline obsession with sweatpants, well, that can wait until later. They can find that out in due time & think it endearing.

I also included that looks are important to me.

Not that how someone looks necessarily counts them out, but let's be honest with ourselves here. It matters. I've met & dated a number of very good looking men & most of them have turned out as douchebags (please note that most of the men I've dated, period, turn out douchey in some way). And once someone opens their mouth it increases or decreases their attractiveness.

Humor=hot in the Book of Tron

Back to the main point, there are a lot of not-so-good-looking men out there who consider themselves good-looking. This, I learned upon receiving "matches". Woah. Yeah. No. Also, 38, 24 Store clerk with 2 kids? I think I'll pass on that inevitable drama. A few seemed interesting on electronic paper. Then you have these formulated questions to answer if the other person requests them and go from there. One guy requested the "fast track" approach, which is an expensive way of emailing.

He's cute. In emails funny. He asked if we could get a cup of coffee at some point soon. Sounds harmless enough. Mom visited for the weekend so that was out for me. Thursday night I went to a ballet class & said that it wouldn't be over until 8. He suggested we meet in Harvard Square after that since I'd already be there. Which I took as sweet & accommodating. At first I was a little nervous, you know, post ballet but hey, this way really what you see is what you get.

Tea went well. Great conversation & like his emails, quite funny. So we swung by Pinnocchio's for a quick bite. The "meeting" turned into a couple hours & at that point, I needed to head home & get the apartment ready for Mom (which I clearly did not do....that night the career question hit a grinding hault). He gave me a hug & a little kiss on the cheek.

We talked once more & I began to get a little happier about the prospect of seeing him again.

Then yesterday, while lounging in Harvard Yard before taking Mom to the airport before her flight back to Chicago I got a text.......

"Crazy idea but let me know if you want to drink wine in our underware."


How I responded: "Uh, I think I'll pass on that. I have a ballet class tonight. Sorry."

How I wish I'd responded: "Well, no. Because a.) We've met ONCE, b.) I'm really not into date rape, & c.) I can't date a guy who doesn't know how to spell underwear."

First things first, consult the friends. Yes, it's cliche, but hear me out on the fact that my track record of judging this sort of thing is BAD. 10 years ago I probably would have been like "hell yeah, that sounds fantastic!". Don't judge, I had (have) a wild streak. Now, yeah, I lean a bit more towards the other way, which I can blame mainly on the replacement of vodka with actual food in my diet.

Surprisingly, I've heard mixed results. But as petty as it sounds, I continue to lean towards "yeah, no" mainly because he misspelled underwear. Although, he didn't use "panties", which is just plain uncomfortable any way you slice it. Yes, it's picky. But that's how I've gotten myself into messes in the past. By not being picky enough.

So picky I shall be. Oh, and the new definition of picky just happens to be alone.


Thursday, May 07, 2009

Plan B

Well, I just got my rejection letter from BU. The plan to clean my apartment has been overtaken by a new plan. To drink a bottle of wine & pass out.

At least I tried.


Wednesday, May 06, 2009

No news is No news

Weekend with Dad was great. Weekend with Mom will be great, too. More details later.

Still no word from BU. They sent out the letters on Friday so it's literally any day now. I feel anxious. But a bit calmer than before since my final for Enviro was last night & I walked into it with a B. Gooooood feeling on that.

Anyways, in an attempt to keep myself at a low level, I'm going to sit & watch It's Always Sunny for a while. TV? Yes, I do have one don't I?

More soon. Promise.

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Friday, May 01, 2009


Dear blog,

If you'd like to buy me a present, I would gladly accept this:

Alice in Wonderland Tote

Among many other things.

Speaking of presents, guess what I got my dad for father's day. Game 7 tickets to the Bulls-Celtics game tomorrow. There's a bit of a glitch, though. The seller didn't send the tickets yesterday so they're scheduled to arrive on Monday. The game is TOMORROW. I've already started dealing with this & it's looking like we will make the magic happen.

Prediction: it's going to be freaking awesome.