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Saturday, August 01, 2009

Exhausting Options: internet dating

So this a story. A dating story. The first of three in this series. One of them is not about dating but rather the ridiculousness that people construct in their minds. The theme of these three stories should exemplify how much I've grown in terms of men. I used to deal with this shit & make excuses. Wishing for someone's attention. Hoping that they'll come around. Thinking that these little quirks will at some point become endearing. Unfortunately, they won't. As I flatly told a friend earlier this week.....excusing this ends in living with the troll, which, to date is the most awful break up story amongst any of my friends. And looking back, I thank him for shocking me back to reality in that way. Making me realize that it really shouldn't be that difficult, at least at first.

And onward.

So after hearing many times that "I just haven't found the one" and people asking how I meet people and every successful, single girl's favorite, the lesbian rumor, I decided to finally exhaust all possibilities. I've met people out. Met people through friends. Met people through family. I finally turned to the internet.

One of my very sweet & wonderful friends found her boyfriend & future husband through craigslist. (shut up. this was before the cl killer thing) So I figured that I would go through some profiles. One of them was sweet, articulate, creative. So I responded. He wrote back. His picture was very cute. He held up a great conversation and was obviously quite educated. We met up in Harvard Square (my "safe" place since I always know someone there whether it'd be randomly running into friends or strategically visiting a venue I know the workers). We met at Shay's (which is right next door to a liquor store & a record shop of which I frequent & they know me & I know them) for drinks. First, his picture was at least 10 years old. Who was this skinny, old-looking-before-his-time person standing next to me? Within an hour I learned that he doesn't let his dogs in the room while he's making love, prefers women's jeans, is a hemophiliac, and has a cracked tooth which is an issue because of his hemophilia. He also told me that he comes from a prominent Jewish family in New York, as his father was a lawyer & he's told his mom that he's never getting married.

Thank you. No.

Then a couple months later I became lonely again. You know, wanting a date, some attention. It happens, right? So on a hungover Sunday morning I signed up for 3 months of eHarmony (which I didn't realize is a Christian dating thing and doesn't allow homosexual dating...not that I would have noticed because I wasn't looking for a woman but after these last months, I might be). Part of the profile asks you to rate your attractiveness, which I've learned that modesty is not good. Honesty is the best policy, right? So I put myself down as a 7, which I think is accurate. And then is asks you how important is attractiveness, which I also answered honestly with "quite important". Well, let me tell you that people think that they are a lot more attractive than they actually are. Either that or my personality fits well with ugly, fat men with children (also put on there that I did not want someone to have kids....I'm a stepkid & it sucked).

There was one guy, Adam, who seemed pretty nice, funny, enjoyed a lot of the same activities, also thinks that "Day-man" & "Night-man" are the most hilarious things ever. So we met for tea on a Thursday since Mom flew in the next morning for our Mother's Day. Tea went so well that we moved on to Pinocchio'. He gave me a hug at the end of the night & went on our way. I walked home with hope & a smile.

The weekend with Mom included walking around, sightseeing, all of the normal visitor activities. We talked for hours. During lounging time in Harvard Yard I received a text from Adam. "Crazy idea but let me know if you'd be interested in drinking wine in our underware". Woah. Seriously? My response was "Going to ballet tonight". What I should have said was "No, because we've only met, I'm not into date rape, & I can't date someone who misspells underwear".

Not a huge surprise, I haven't heard from him since.

So I was done. For a few months at least.

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Blogger elizabeth said...

And this is only the first part... oh dear.

11:49 PM

Blogger Marisa said...

Remind me to tell you the dating story that end with "well, he thinks I want to eat his sister." A guaranteed make-you-feel-better story.

Or at least realize it could always be worse.

10:01 PM

Blogger emertron said...


10:30 AM

Blogger Sun Follower said...

Wow - these are similar stories me and my friends. I had one guy who wanted to meet me at a drive-in and have some sort of signal letting me know whether we should have sex in his truck or just watch the movie... then my friend met some guy who not only was 5" shorter than his profile, but when she began to question other inconsistencies about him... he got up to use the restroom and left the coffee shop.

BTW - stay away from Plenty of Fish - being free it attracts the lowest common denominator of those who want to "date" -- a guy wrote a book about how easy it is to get laid on that site.

3:23 PM


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