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Friday, August 28, 2009

No more miss nice girl (2 of 3)

It's been raining on & off tonight around these parts. No better time to sit on the porch & write than a nice, quiet, cool night.

About a year ago I met my neighbors (very good friends) out at Charlie's. Joe, a coworker of Michael's, joined along. Joe was cool & we all had a lot in common so conversation flowed within the group. As for anything but friends, I've never been interested in Joe. And I expressed that, however, new friends are always good. Right? That night Joe'd brought his screenplay for me to read. Coincidence put us in the same bar as Turtle from Entourage & my best drunken idea that night was to introduce the screenplay in hopes that it would produce some sort of connection. It wasn't taken well by one of the parties, who stormed off.

Bad feelings ensued & I felt very guilty about the situation. Since we had been drinking heavily, I thought that I'd deeply offended since, you know, people get quite offended about things & I'm very good at offending because I'm an idiot.

So when Joe extended an olive branch after a period of him "not talking to me", I was happy to oblige & put forth a sincere apology for what I didn't know that I'd done.

Quickly, Joe & I started talking regularly again. I'd very clearly stated, & acted on, that I wanted nothing more than friendship. (please note that I said this to him & the neighbors more than a half dozen times just so no one got the wrong idea) Yay! We're friends. He just happened to be in area with beer one Sunday. We grabbed dinner another night & I spouted more than I should have about the recent dating situations I was in (this comes up later). Sure, I'll go to a fancy holiday party for good food. Yeah, we'll have dinner at your place, no biggie. I have dinner at friends' all the time.

That's how we work. I cook, They cook. But when "you should stay here & we'll just call in sick tomorrow" I ran for a taxi. I was very uncomfortable with that.

After that I made a point to make a some distance, since by this point he was calling/texting/emailing (many times all 3) everyday. That is a relationship, my friends, exactly what I had said all along that I am not interested in with him. Please note: if I do not love you, I probably will not love you any time soon. You will not change my mind by attempting to manipulate me & leaving a rose at my door is nothing that "friends" do.

On the day of the holiday party, a blizzard came Boston's way. I texted that I thought it might be smart to stay home since the weather was awful. He said that was good. Then I confirmed that I wouldn't be heading out. The response was less understanding this time: it'll let up & to get into a cab & make it there.

No. I do not take orders like that from anyone. Nor should I.

For the next few weeks I got sporadic texts, you know, how are you? and merry christmas and happy new year, etc. Attempting to gingerly avoid communication (me: been busy & it's not letting up). I did not feel comfortable with that situation any longer. I'd made myself perfectly clear that I was not interested sexually in him & never would be on many, many occasions. I never led him on by dressing seductively or kissing or holding hands or anything.

Then I received a text in the middle of January (paraphrased) "how are you, how were your holidays, i'm good, we should have dinner, i've been having naughty thoughts about you. do you have the videos i lent you?".

That was it. The final straw. I felt dirty even reading that. And despite Joe's "teasing" nature, that was utterly uncalled for. He would never send that text to Jesse.

So I wrote an email stating that the last text was uncomfortable for me, that I wished him well, but that this had gone too far. Clearly holding my ground but by no means saying anything cruel. His response was less than kind. He used what I'd told him about dating against me. He used some awful words to describe me & his intentions were clearly to hurt my feelings. And as much as I wanted to argue with false accusations & just being outright mean, I didn't. Why waste my energy on something like that? I'd spoken my peace. This ridiculousness needed to just end.

Which is when I learned how to not call back. Not try to respond and subsequently react. There is no reason to respond in certain situations. This was one of them. And so a good lesson learned.

Busy busy busy.

Well, the storm just really hit. Time to snuggle up in bed with Georgie. Tomorrow: 1 to 3 chapters of Public Health Policy for class that starts next week. Wheeeeeee!!!

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just reading that makes me want to shower to get the ick off. I hate being pressed for things and expectations of things I do not certainly want to be giving to that person... Really, it's just going to upset the both of you so why would he even pursue it after you made things clear. Lines crossed for sure.

1:51 PM

Blogger The Metaphysician said...

This behavior does not require or even warrant a response from you. One warning was plenty, two warnings was generous, any more than that and you're not being fair to yourself.

One does not need friends like this.

2:48 PM

Blogger emertron said...

Coming from 2 men, this makes me feel a whole lot better. I honestly feel like I've compromised myself more than I'd like to admit. If the troll gave me anything, I've quit compromising so much.

Not to say that I'm not flexible but I certainly am holding firm ground on issues like this.

8:18 PM

Blogger Texas Cinderella said...

Good for you! He definitely crossed the line and way to go on standing your ground! Can't wait for the third installment!

4:11 PM


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