ardent bullshit comes down every faultline gushing heavily into jest kindly luscious melons nodding openly post quakes resting still to undermind various wonderous xylophones yawning zealously

Friday, December 04, 2009

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Good morning. Guess what tomorrow is!

OMG. You're finally going to get laid! Did you get a hooker or something? Is this, like, you Christmas Present to yourself?

No. I'm not getting laid. Guess again.

How exactly would a male hooker work do you think? You should definitely get one. And like bring it to your work Holiday Party at the Dean' house. That would really shake stuff up!

First of all, I think that they're called "escorts" and no, I do have a shred of dignity left. Granted, it's like that spider's web hanging by a thread metaphor that Jonathon Edwards used in "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God" but it's there, I swear. Anyways, Physics John's my date to the Holiday Party. He's going to dazzle dentists with Physics! But this has nothing to do with the Holiday Party or hookers or getting laid.

Then why do you bother me if it doesn't have to do with any of those things? You know that's all I care about.

Ugh. Whatever. The big news is that tomorrow night I'm having the annual Christmas Tree Extravaganza! Remember last year how it was super lots of fun with Doba & Staceroo & we took family photos by the tree & got all tipsy off of the nog?

Jesus Christ, you have got to get a life. So what you're saying is that you & your two whole friends (who you probably have to pay like hookers) are going to sing Christmas songs & decorate some stupid little tree? Lame.

No, this year I invited a plethora of people! And it won't be a sad little tree. It's a marvelous tree. And hopefully at least like ten of those plethora will show up so that I won't have to be all self-pitying & decorate & get drunk by myself.

I don't understand why I waste my time with you.

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