ardent bullshit comes down every faultline gushing heavily into jest kindly luscious melons nodding openly post quakes resting still to undermind various wonderous xylophones yawning zealously

Friday, February 26, 2010

The Final Frontier

I'm happy to report that despite totally being thwarted by a stupid pool CLOSING EARLY last night, a two-mile walk home in the a freezing cold monsoon is what I've decided to count as this week's Thursday exercise (Physics John said it counts so it totally does) and that this morning I dragged my very tired yet awake ass out of bed at the ripe hour of 5:30 to make it to hour-long cardio+toning class.

Tomorrow I was planning on doing a mini-gym-tri but the pool is yet again not cooperating with me so that will have to wait until two weeks from tomorrow.

Mini-gym-tri=45 minutes of spinning+2.5 miles running+1200 swim.

So maybe boxing tomorrow? And that quiche that I sissied out on a couple nights ago?

Adventures in a super-exciting Saturday night!

One idea I had for next month was to start volunteering again but to be honest, I'm not sure how that would fit in with the current schedule. Another is to put forth some serious athletic goals. Now that a routine has been established, I need something to work towards.

Thursday, February 25, 2010



A documentary of the 08/09 David Byrne tour. Damn, I need a pile of money to fall into my lap so that I could go down to SXSW & see that.

Dear Santa?

Making bunz of steel last night in spinning was super hard & now I'm ridiculously tired but am powering through with a swim tonight & an early exercise class tomorrow morning. There are only 4 more days of Operation Pudge-be-Gone & although not all the pudge is gone, there is less pudge, more muscle, & generally more energy. I'm running 3 miles comfortably, making it through spinning with enough energy to lift girlie weights afterwards, & have had to increase yardage because the original 1k is now taking less than 20 minutes.

So what to do for March? Going to continue to exercise 5-6 times/week. I need a new goal thing. Something to work on in the upcoming month.

Get laid.

Other than that. Maybe a cooking goal.


Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Walking & Cooking

Still not 100% but tonight's a big night. Big huge night!

You going to shave your legs or something?

Don't be silly. Girls only shave their legs when they get laid. Or in the summer. Everyone knows that. Plus, it creates for more drag in the pool.


I'm going to make this. Because last week I made this. And this. Which I thought about making again but figured I'd like to branch out a little bit. All day I've been researching behavioral intervention models & need a brain break. You know, do a crossword. Cook.

You need a fucking life break is what you need. And with this kind of talk, you're going to end up with an intervention of your own.....because you're going to lose what few friends you have if you keep holed up like this.

It's "taking care of yourself". Healthy & restful.

You need to take care of your social life is what you need to do. And that ass because it's gonna be fat from all this butter.

I'm not fat. Just pudgy.

Unfortunately, the last week of Operation Pudge-be-Gone has kind of sucked. But that's okay because this whole exercising thing is superfun & I can't wait to continue to do it.

Ugh. Did I really just type that? I need to kick my own ass.

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Monday, February 22, 2010


Ugh. Woke up at 5 a.m. this morning completely drenched in sweat. Yesterday's feeling like absolute doody was more than just the repercussions of Saturday night. I'm effing sick. Which, looking through the archives happened almost a year ago as well.

Screw you, February.

This will not, however, interrupt Operation Pudge-be-Gone. Just slow it a little. With another yoga day. Maybe a headstand will make this feeling of "Cotton Brain" better.

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Sunday, February 21, 2010

Lessons Learned

Hey! Guess what! I actually went out last night. Guess what else. This whole exercise thing does not allow for going out. Despite going out early & being in bed by midnight with mushroom bourguignon in one hand while watching this, the ol' body woke up at 6 a.m. to greet me with the worst hangover I've had in a really long time.

Note to self: Don't go out after a 3 mile run plus lifting at the gym & walking around Brookline 5 miles.

So yeah, today's pretty much cross-eyed reading & writing & "gentle yoga" & avoiding humanity as much as possible. This is for their sake. Ugh. Back to vaccine safety. Barf. (hopefully not literally...again)


Friday, February 19, 2010

Embarrassing Moment #751

Picture it....packed BU bus, Wednesday night, a small girl with a look of determination on her face & RJD2 blaring from her headphones, she swings around into one of the last remaining seats next to a pudgy boy in his early 20's, opens her bag, reaches for her crossword book but instead.....


(boy turns bright red with a look of disgust on his face)

Wouldn't that be an hilarious sit com moment? Because let me tell you, in real life it was painfully awkward.

Despite at least a half dozen people seeing my granny bra (which screams out that I not only don't have a boyfriend, but that I'm clearly not trying too hard to win someone over with sessi-lingerie) followed by slight mortification, I made it to the 60 minute spinning class & oh boy did i work. It's the teacher who plays the best music (except for this one song on Wednesday that was a stupid AC/DC mashup...barf) & is appropriately encouraging, so she's my favorite.

20 minutes in the pool last night.

Spinning again tonight.


Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Day Just Got Better

Covers of Talking Heads songs (6 of Naive Melody!).


Three-Hundred-Sixty-Five Degrees

God, dinner & a show last night was soooooo good. I've seen Stop Making Sense about two dozen times but that was the BEST. EVER. Pistachio-crusted scallops over a bed of Butternut Squash Risotto & cherry reduction drizzle? To die for.


So I haven't updated Operation Pudge-be-Gone this goes:

Saturday I was lazy. No exercise (will exercise 2x one day this weekend). I know, I know. Superlame & I really have no excuse.

Sunday consisted of a nice, long walk.

Monday was an hour-long "toning" class. By "toning" they meant somewhere in the realm of a million squats & 750 thousand arm reps. My bum & tris are still a little sore.

Tuesday was another long the snow.

Tonight is another hour-long spinning class. I'm so excited!


Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Table for One, Please!

Tonight's going to be the best. I'm taking myself out on a date. In preparation, I wore a short skirt & a nice-fitting top. And since I'm getting SUPERMEGAHOT, I know I'll totally be turned on by myself.

Right after work I'm going to take myself here for dinner. And then I'll walk down the street to go see this. Which is pretty much the most perfect date ever. No awkward conversations. No "getting to know you" chats. If I don't want to talk at all, I don't even have to.

Enjoy the Silence.

And then afterwards I'm going to make that super-delicious tomato sauce (completely silent) that did not get made last night because I totally forgot to buy an onion.

Note to self: buy an onion!

This it definitely going to be the best date I've ever been on.


Friday, February 12, 2010

Magical Lady Gym

Anything that could get me out of bed at 5 & 7 a.m. to go work out before work is magical. By this reasoning Lady Gym=Magic!

No time to write, as deadlines are hanging right over my pretty little head but that's 2 for 2 of getting up & working out BEFORE WORK. 30 minutes on stupid Elliptical & weight sets at 7:30 a.m.

If no more updates until.....have Happy VD. Yours truely will be going on a VD Pub Crawl. It's gonna be awesome.


Thursday, February 11, 2010

Ballz to the Wall

Clearly, yesterday did NOT take me up on my challenge to be awesomer than Tuesday & kind of sucked. We were pretty much the only place in Boston that didn't get let out early for a Snow Day.

Side Note: Turns out there's this phenomenon in the Northeast wherein people like EXPECT snow days. Super-weird. I guess the reward for living through these awful winters is getting thrown a random day off every month or so. No complaints here.

So I stuck around while every other Boston resident was out gallivanting in the lack of snow that we received & finally hit the gym at 5 for a half hour of that stupid elliptical machine (while watching that so-awful-it's-hilarious "Two Weeks Notice" movie) & weight reps since I didn't want to wait around for spinning & was still sore.

And at the end of a sucky day, all you can do is fall asleep at 9 p.m.

I woke up this morning demanding that today be different. It's going to unsuck the suck out of yesterday. It'll rule so hard. Rule with an iron fist! Rule with BUNZ OF STEEL!!! Which is exactly how I turned today just that way.

By hitting the 5:45 a.m.......for a spinning class. (and a steam afterwards...totally hooked on Lady Gym & it's fun steam/sauna/whirlpoolness) I was high on life at 6:30 a.m.

Didn't you used to get high on other stuff at 6:30 a.m.?

That was undergrad & usually because I hadn't yet gone to bed from the night before.

You were a lot more fun back then.

True. And I had a super hot bod back then too. And am going to be SUPER MEGA HOT again soon.

Not if you keep eating half of a pizza for dinner.

I'm fueling my fire!

Oh god, not that fire shit again.

Nah. This is a different fire. I only get that fire when I do the yoga. Spinning gives you the burn.

Burning Down the House!

Speaking of burning down the house (or at least trying not to), along with this hot new workout regimen is a hot new cooking regimen. Yes, I've been cooking again. It's like 2005 all over again.

New Year, Old Me!

Operation 5Lbs-be-Gone Mandy sent me this awesome recipe. Think I'll make that on Monday night after yoga.

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Wednesday, February 10, 2010

And you love me til my heart stops, love me til I'm dead

Friends. Listen. to. This.

First, and foremost, yesterday we received an update on our gal, J.Boo. She's walking. This is amazing. This is astounding. This is unheard of. As her father put it...for the last 3 weeks we'd dreamed of this happening but never did anyone believe that it would come so soon. When I read the news I started jumping up & down in my office, "woot"ing & throwing my hands in the air, waving them like I just didn't even care. Surely, the co-workers think I've completely lost my mind.

Second, Operation Pudge-be-Gone is 9 for 9. Swam last night for 20 minutes. Hopefully Spin tonight. The weather's supposed to get awful today but the teacher is no sissy & hopefully they'll keep the Lady Gym open. One way or another, I'm working out, damnit. Even if I have to get on one of those stupid elliptical machines.

Third, heard yesterday while walking out of the M-Building: "Daaaeeeemmmmn, now she is seeeeexxxyy" as I walked by a bum (the area of town where I work is, well, lower on the socioeconomic scale, let's say, with a methadone clinic across the street from my office). That's right, I have not lost my touch & once again am getting hit on by homeless people. It hadn't happened in so long that I was beginning to get a bit worried.

Forth, I was checking the movies at Coolidge Corner Theater for the weekend.....AND GUESS WHAT I FOUND........Tuesday night they're playing Stop Making Sense!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ticket=bought. Excitement=through the roof!

Oh man, yesterday was so fantastic. I just DARE today to top it.

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Tuesday, February 09, 2010

5*11*37th Post

Top of the Mornin'!

Guess who felt like she was run over by a truck upon waking today. If you guessed me, Emertron, then you're correct.

If you guessed Lindsey Lohan, you're probably also correct.

This is where the party ends.

Yeah, so Operation Pudge-be-Gone is sucking all of the energy & hydration out of me. Totally crashed at like 10 last night after 75 minutes of yoga only to wake up on the couch to a Jon Edwards (that guy who talked to dead people!) infomercial at 5:30. He's psychic now, apparently, & not talking to dead people or something. But I didn't really check out was going on & stumbled to bed because I have enough crazy people in my life & don't need to watch them on television.

Do you mind if we balance this glass of milk where your visiting friend was accidentally killed?

Speaking of crazy, you know what's crazy good? They Might Be Giants. For some reason my brain has been all about them this week. Like ear worms of their songs & stuff. So I put on Flood last night & jammed out.

And while you're at it, keep the night-light on inside the birdhouse in your soul.

Right, so anyways, Eight-for-Eight so far with a trip to the pool tonight after class.

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Monday, February 08, 2010

2nd Quarter


Seven days down, Twenty-one more to go. I feel like a machine. Like an animal. Like a.....

First of all, you can't be a machine & an animal. Second, maybe you should just go to Machine instead. Rumor has it that they have some really cute, straight man bouncers.

Hhhmmm...then I'll be a machine. Like the cyborg things from Total Recall or something. Or a Model T. Or a Transformer.

More than meets the eye!

Man, oh, man, have I been hungry the last like four days. That's what happens when you're making your bunz into steel doing spinning & pretending to be a yogi. Yesterday I ate 3, count 'em 3(!), pieces of fried mac & cheese. It was amazing. But since they're so grossly fat-laden I'm only allowing myself to eat bananas, oranges & hummus today (and a sammich and eggs for dinner and a salad and probably a brownie).


Yesterday afternoon I had a yoga(r) class (75 minutes) with this really spunky older lady. She was clearly like my mom's age & still has a super-hot bod. Maybe I'll ask her to be my body mentor. Like "hey, i like your bod & would like for my bod to look like that when I'm your age.....what do you say you be my body mentor?" kind of thing.

And that's how I got kicked out of the Lady Gym.

Anyways, she was all talking about the "fire inside" us & I was almost like "hey lady, my parents are pharmacists & could probably help you out with that" but then realized that it's a metaphorical fire. Like, a "heat" or "warmth", which was totally coincidental because I'd just read this journal article about how physical warmth contributes to changes in personalities & perceptions of others. Yeah, this really neat piece about people holding warm or cold coffee & then giving presents or something. It made me want warm coffee & a present too. So the class was really good & felt really warm afterwards & brought my fire to the SuperBowl Party. On the way to the party my fire died a little bit, though, because I had to walk like 3 miles in the cold because the stupid 57 bus never came so I was all "zenned out" walking around in the cold & let some of that fire out cursing the weather.

But then I filled up with guacamole & wings & fried chocolate balls & stuff & the fire was full force once again. Then I told everyone my funny dating stories & they laughed at my misfortune & told me that I need to start dating again so that they're entertained. I told them that I'm staying a "virgin" until James Franco finally realizes what he needs in his life is (obviously!) me but in the meantime I would do what I could for the sake of entertainment.

Up next: more "zenning out" & the possibility of jazz hands!

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Sunday, February 07, 2010

It Only Hurts 'Cause I Said it First

Good morning Interwebs!

It's Super Bowl Sunday. Aren't you excited? The one day of the year that you're expected to rise & shine & start drankin'.

You forgot about St. Patrick's Day & 4th of July, dum dum.

Oh yeah. I guess it's the first day of the year that you're supposed to get up & start drankin'.

So are you drunk yet?

Nope. Remember, I have a class this afternoon to attend. And showing up drunk to yoga is frowned upon.

True. But it'd be pretty hilarious to see.

Operation Pudge-be-Gone is spreading like wildfire. Wildfire, I tell you! There's another member on board. A very special sweetest Cinnamon Roll put her name in this morning! Hers is a bit different than P-b-G but she'll also be working out every day this month. Isn't that exciting? She's mobile & doesn't even need her neat hover-chair anymore.

This stupid blog is way too "exciting" for a Sunday morning. Shouldn't you be hungover?

Not when you don't go out partying on Saturday night. I'm energized & hydrated after gallons of water & a nice 11 hour slumber.

Ugh. You piss me off with your cheeriness. I'm going back to bed.

Fine by me. But you'll be missing out on walking in the sunshine & an awesome yoga class!

Day 5: 60 minutes of spinning to house music. It was like I was back at a rave again but not on drugs & wearing a sports bra.

Day 6: Despite showing up to Boxing AN HOUR early, the class was already full. Wha?! Thwarted! So instead I ran for 50 minutes (which is the longest I've run since undergrad) & did 4 sets of arm weight lifty things.

Time to make a new mix, hit the gym & gorge myself on fried candy bars.

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Friday, February 05, 2010

Step One: Cut a Hole in the Box

Step Two: Put a bunch of music stuffs for J.Boo in the box.

You thought I was going to say "Step Two, put your dick in the box" didn't you? Ha ha! Gotcha!!

No one thought you were going to say that, since it's been so long you probably don't even know what one looks like anymore. Also, why would you cut a hole in a box that you're going to mail? You make no sense any more.

You'll see. And, no, I remember. What do you think that craigslist personals are all about?

Definitely NSFW.

Step Three: Procrastinate until after tomorrow morning's appointment to put the finishing touches on the box.

Step Four: Stand in line at the post office tapping your foot, looking bitchy (which generally just comes off as looking constipated) for 20 minutes.

Step Five: Go to the gym.

Operation P-b-G Update:
Got my sore, sleepy ass into the pool last night after class for a very slow 1k. Rhythm was off but it still got completed.

But in more exciting Operation P-b-G news one of my partners in crime, Mandy, has joined me with Operation FivePounds-be-Gone. We're gonna be like The Biggest Losers or something.

I just don't even know what to say to that last statement.


Thursday, February 04, 2010

If not for the Puppy Bowl & fried candy bars at Half Time.....

....I would totally boycott the Super Bowl & all the parties.

Because of this.

But since Faux Bro's parties are always the best & no one ever actually watches the game I'll still go. Begrudgingly, eating all of the pizza & other delicious treats I can fit in my mouth with the justification of Operation Pudge-be-Gone.

That makes no sense, you retard.

Sure it does. You see, a great way to kick-start your metabolism is to add some calories & work out.

Yeah, like 100 calories/day, not a goddamn 2000 calorie binge of crap.

But this week I haven't changed my diet at all so I'll be making up for this past week.

So grab a bag of carrots & step away from the fried Snickers, Tubbo.

No amount of heckling will change my mind on this one.

P-B-G Update: I took spinning last night (60 minutes) for the first time in two and a half years. The first 10 minutes was a little rough, but quickly got into the cadence with the help of some gangsta rap & the reawakening of my glut muscles.


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Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Tick Tock

Bestie Doba just sent me a link to his first ever video: Enjoy & pass along, please!!

Tick Tock


Okay, so that last post could probably the lamest, most annoying post on this stupid blog.

Nah, remember that one about Charles in Charge? That was the lamest.

What are you talking about? That post was awesome! There was a CONTEST in that one.

You should probably have another contest. And this time the winner gets to get you laid because really, that's what you should be focusing on right now.

Fat chance. I'm focusing on Operation Pudge-be-Gone & revirginizing myself.

Not having any prospects is not "revirginizing". It's being a loser. A fat one at that.

Not true. There's hope for me yet.

No, there isn't. Quit lying to yourself.

(sigh...i know)

So to make this stupid blog even stupider, I'm going to use it as my exercise tracker for the month. You know, to stay accountable or whatever.

Monday: Vinyasa (hour & 15 minutes)

Tuesday: Swam 1000 yards

We'll see how long this lasts. My arms feel like they are about to fall off. If I make it the rest of the 26 days what should I get myself, you know, as like a present?

A hooker.

Other than a hooker....

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Tuesday, February 02, 2010

New Music & "28 Day Challenge"

-St. Vincent
-Toro y Moi
-Freelance Whales

OMGOMGOMG. My ears are so incredibly happy right now they don't even know what to do!

Jaimie is hovering around in her new amazing motorized wheelchair. She looks great. Sounds great. There is a little wiggling going on even!!!

Thank you, so much, everyone for your kind words and thoughts. They're more appreciated than you could ever imagine.

Yesterday began my own 28 Day Challenge. No, I'm not staying sober for 28 days. SuperBowl & VD are this month. That would just be silly. My goal is to work out (yoga, boxing, ballet, spinning & swimming...maybe a little running) every day this month. One day/week I might allow myself to just go for a superlong (5+ miles) walk but am feeling so good after last night's Vinyasa class that I'm hooked back on working out & taking better (see: not be a lazy piece going home & loafing) care.

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