ardent bullshit comes down every faultline gushing heavily into jest kindly luscious melons nodding openly post quakes resting still to undermind various wonderous xylophones yawning zealously

Thursday, September 30, 2010

What I've Kept With Me and What I've Thrown Away

Tonight struck me with my first bout of melancholy in a few weeks. It's been a fast, long week. Time went by quickly but emotions have hit pretty hard. Birthdays, births, and memorial services. Maybe watching an old friend on Youtube wasn't the best idea today. Maybe reading passages written in old year books didn't do any good. Maybe I'm just a bit worn out.

Who knows.

In the past couple weeks I've experienced something that I haven't in so long that I'd forgotten what it feels like.

To be happy all alone.

Sitting in my apartment, lounging after a bath, I am completely content & fulfilled. It'd been over a year since I'd last held that. Despite feeling a bit out of sorts, I don't have any inclination to run out & get any attention I can for validation sake.

It's nice to just sit still, listen to the wind push the leaves around outside my window, & curl up with a book. Television is too noisy right now, people too complicated. But books, they provide me with enough action to keep my interest, yet enough detachment to not bring up anxiety or the desire to control the situation.

As long as I can remember, I've loved stories. Both listening to and telling them. Something magical lives in a well-told tale. You're able to put yourself into another life, increase compassion. The bad guy rarely all bad and the good guy rarely all good. Just like reality. But without the harsh reality of egos directly affecting you.

But that's just one humble opinion.

Who knows.

All I do know right now is that the crickets lend the perfect soundtrack to the evening. I'll miss them when they're gone for the season.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a great feeling... to be happy and alone. I tend to always have a great glimpse of myself when I am there.

Also, that Ben Folds song is so going on the next mix!

3:14 AM


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