ardent bullshit comes down every faultline gushing heavily into jest kindly luscious melons nodding openly post quakes resting still to undermind various wonderous xylophones yawning zealously

Friday, December 30, 2011

Melancholia

Wow, this has been a week of movies. What a wonderful way to escape...a dark room and a movie projector.

Perfect way to close out this week. The days off have been great. A time to relax and catch up on sleep and laze around. But circumstances have left me with a lot on my mind and plenty of space to ruminate. Not a good combination. Fortunately, tomorrow sends me right back into a normal routine, which is exactly what I need right now.

So anyway, The Skin I Live In was a trip of twisted reality but always returns to a content resolution. And even though Almodovar consistently ties in social issues, it is all merely a story, in typical Spanish style. Melancholia was more or less based in reality until the end, and seemed to have a message. Not that I agree with or against whatever Lars Van Trier was supposedly saying, but that's something that I try to lean against. Movies with a message. I take things waaaaay too seriously to be putting myself into that place. (see: Twilight!!)

Anyway, it was still terribly entertaining. And achieved a level of discomfort that is incredibly difficult to achieve in that medium. And I never thought that I would say this...but hats off to Kiki Dunst. She did a pretty incredible job. Granted, the director certainly took advantage of situations. But all around...fantastic.

Time for pizza and a Frazier marathon. My brain's a mush.

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Thursday, December 29, 2011

Cash Cab

Okay, so I have a new, better goal for January. To somehow made it on to Cash Cab when I'm in NYC in a couple weeks. Really, I need to get on this show. It would be so amazing.

So on the Orange Line earlier today on my way to JP (don't ask...a favor for a friend) and I had a really good deep thought. But again I totally forgot it. I really need to start writing this stuff down.

And get on Cash Cab. And up my runnings. Ugh. So much to do.

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Why Hello Old Man Winter

Oh yeah. It got cold. Reeeaaaallllyy cold. And that's okay. Because it will get warm again. But probably not for at least 2 months. That's not so long, though, right? I mean, I've written something every day now for almost a month and I feel like it was just yesterday that I was writing posts closer to midnight than any other hour. Wait, that probably was yesterday.

Anyway. So I was running earlier today and was pretty comfortable at the almost 2 mile mark so I started thinking about the next month's goal or whatever and I think I'd like to get to a point where I run 10 miles/week. But I want to start small. So I'm going to start this week at 5 miles. And next week continue with 5 miles and increase one mile/week until I get to 10 miles/week.

But not more tonight. Tonight it's time for bed.

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Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Isolation Station

Things have not been going my way today. And man is it fucking pissing me off. I feel uncomfortable and moody and annoyed and worried and a bit helpless. Not fun feelings. And to be honest, I just want to be held and fed cheese and ice cream and for today to be over. But that's not going to happen.

So I took myself to the new Almodovar film and sat in the dark for 2 hours this afternoon and that worked. Until the movie was over and I left the theater. And I ordered in a pizza delivery but they didn't use the right crust and I was too hungry to call it in and get a replacement. So I'm thinking it's about time for me to pack it in tonight and just go to bed. Yeah, it's only 8:45 but right now I've just about had it and would really like to push the restart button.

Maybe after a nice long cry and a pile of chocolate.

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Monday, December 26, 2011

Devil + 1

I just saw that I have published 666 (Satan's number!!!) posts (not including this one). First, maybe that is why last night's post was kind of evil and not so up-beat (probably not). And second, that is a ton of posts. It's like a book. I could make a book out of this blog!

A book that no one would read.

So blah blah blah. Devil this devil that. The devil made me eat a pile of chocolate this morning for breakfast. Why do people blame the devil for stuff? Or Jesus for stuff for that matter? Don't get me wrong, I am fully aware that I am not god. Sure, for a while there (now) I thought that the world revolved around me. And really, if you saw my little baby and toddler pictures you would understand why...I was fucking cute. But I had to realize that I can't blame everything on something else. Sure, I might be inspired to do something good. But I did the next right thing. Or when I do something harmful. Not the devil. That would be me, too. And sometimes there are some really great things that happen to us. And some really bad things. And generally of no one's fault.

Stuff just is. Simple as that. And it always works out in the end. No matter what.

Or at least that is what I'm going to choose to believe today. So now I'm going to finish up some more of this project that I (not evil forces) have procrastinated on for a good 2 months now.

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Sunday, December 25, 2011

happy happy merry merry

How is it possible that I feel exhausted when I haven't done jack shit today? Beats me. But that's where I am right now. And back in jammies watching Elf...for the millionth time this year.

And for dinner I'll be serving french bread pizzas and a pint of ice cream. Fucking yum.

It's time for this little elf to pack it in and enjoy the rest of the evening.

Merry Christmas!

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Twas the Night Before Christmas

And all through the flat.
George and Henry were stirring.
Just like normal cat(s).

All day I spent preening.
Making my self feel so good.
And chatting with girlfriends.
Stuffing our faces with food.

To the party with friends.
We laughed and we laughed.
Then we held Yankee Swap.
And a few got the shaft.

In a fresh pair of jammies.
And clean sheets on the bed.
The presents under the tree.
Will dance in the dreams in my head.

So good night my dear web.
I write with a yawn.
Wishing you the sweetest slumber.
And Merry Christmas at dawn!

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That Snap

Woah was it ever Cunty Friday around these parts! I was a huuuuuge bitch this morning. Not really to anyone. But I felt it inside, bubbling up.

But then this afternoon I got a call from a friend with some spectacular news. And then had dinner with friends and while we were laughing I looked over at them and said "NOW it feels like the holidays" and Raniah smiled and said "yes, yes it does" and we went on smiling and laughing and talking for a few more hours.

So yeah, it finally feels like the holidays. Which is nice. Especially since it'll be over soon and I can go back to my regularly scheduled life.

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Thursday, December 22, 2011

Sun Stopping

Happy Solstice Interwebs!! It's that day of the year wherein daytime stops getting shorter and begins getting longer. But for some reason I feel like I don't notice it until about the end of January. It stays pretty dark around these parts until then. The Brooders had a reason to brood. It's a bit darker around here in the winter than it was in Chicago. A couple measly degrees of latitude can really make a difference.

Which makes it all the more important to have some really great and exciting plans in these dark, cold months. And all next week I am free like a birdie! Considering what I've learned about myself in the past...idle hands are the devil's workshop. Fortunately, I have a bunch of awesome plans and a whole lot of books to read.

Anyways, I need to actually eat dinner and head to bed. Tonight was full of wonderful conversation and catching up and I got so caught up catching up and saying I love yous that I kind of forgot to eat. Whoops!

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Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Pants-free Wednesday Night

Yep. Sitting on the couch. Munching on some toffee. Not wearing pants. And getting pretty close to packing it up for the night. Technically, I need to go into the office tomorrow and Friday. But I probably won't get in until around noon. And won't be staying until 8. The perks of flexibility.

So tonight I went to a class called Body Attack. It's 30 minutes of cardio. And essentially we just jumped up and down to some cheeseball faux rave music. And it was kind of awesome. There were these girls in class who are in high school. Remember high school? It was sooooo long ago. Like a lifetime ago. Or at least half of mine.

They were not the glory days that the song promised.

Anyway, that was kind of weird. To be around 16 year olds. They're like these little egos of tornado just waiting to happen. If I could go back and tell my 16 year old self something I don't even know where I'd start. I mean, I guess I could be like "don't drink and do drugs because they will really hinder your performance as a human being in all areas". But chances are I wouldn't feel as grateful as I do had I not experienced everything I have. Or I could be like "listen, focus on anything in the world other than boys". Or I could be like "do not let go of this relationship...it's a lot better than you thought and this kid is going to grow up and make something awesome of his life". Or probably more like "spend as much time as you can with your tried and true friends because those are the people who will get you through your life and help you feel good about yourself and you'll get to do the same thing back".

But you can't do that. And like a very good friend of mine says "these are the good old days so you better enjoy them". And you know what? She is right. Thank goodness me now knows to spend as much time as I can with my best pals and enjoy each other.

Time for dinner...it's a camembert with fig spread on a cracker kind of night.

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Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Final Wrap Up

Aaaaaaand I'm officially done with shopping. And wrapping. With a few days to spare.

As much as I love shopping for others and wrapping gifts, it's nice to feel like it's accomplished. Now to relax and get a bit more read of Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy....really didn't think I'd like it but have been pleasantly suprised.

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Monday, December 19, 2011

Sole of Yankees

Sssshhhh....seeeecreeeettttsssss.

I am hooked on that awful CW television show Hart of Dixie. It is terrible. Even worse than Gossip Girl. But I love it. Even enough to watch reruns.

So happy fuckin' Monday. It's been a pretty good day. I still don't remember what I was supposed to want to write about. Maybe it was that Henry and George are adorable and I love them so much. But everyone already knows that. How could anyone resist Henry's pink paw pads. Or Georgie's prancing.

God, this show is so terrible. I can't stop. This is way better than anything Kardashian. Because there is nothing real about it. And they're not trying to be real. They are Southern Belles with eating disorders and big hair and named things like Lemon. And the accents are so bad. Almost as bad as Blanche's accent the first season of Golden Girls.

Wow, I need to do something productive to counteract that last paragraph and its stupidity.

Time to read.

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Sunday, December 18, 2011

Reminders of What I'm Not Missing

Uh, so Blue Valentine is not a happy movie. Just in case you were planning on watching it and needing a pick-me-up sort of film. Nope. Not one bit. It's good and disturbing. But I kind of want to be like "heeeeey you guys are a mess and you should not act like that".

When it was over I immediately turned it off and comforted myself with knowing that I never have to watch it again.

Phew!

So this week at work is hopefully going to be easy breezy. And then next week there is no work. And no school. Party time!!

I keep remembering that I wanted to write about something on here but then I forget about what. Probably not about how I have watched Elf like 3x/week for the past couple weeks. And I kind of want to watch it over and over even more.

Yeah. Nope. That wasn't it. But that was something.

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It's Hard to Think Straight...

...when you have a belly full of amazing butterscotch pudding.

Just got back from a delightful 3-hour dinner with Raniah at Rialto.

Om nom nom motherfuckers.

I'm pooped. Today ruled. Or most of it did. Time to shut my eyes.

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Friday, December 16, 2011

This Fairy Tale Life

Never in a million years. Last night I was talking with some friends and it was brought to my attention that two years ago around the holidays I was pulling in decent grades, had a boyfriend, and weighed 20 lbs less. This year it's the holidays and I'm relishing in spending tonight watching a silly movie, no prospects around, actually had some problems in one of my classes this semester, and I can't seem restrict no matter hard I try. And I had to laugh.

George and Henry are my woodland creatures.

And all of those other outside things like pants size or losing a pound or even when The Waiter asked me to go out feel good. For about 2 minutes. But the pound or the size don't really matter and there are always more pounds to lose. And the guy, well, he never followed through. So rather than wait around to see if he'd ever get his shit together, I'm pretty sure I solidified him not contacting me again. (no psycho girl shit) I don't feel great about knowing that won't grow into anything. But like with Bipolar a year ago, I had to get very honest with myself when evaluating what I wanted out the relationship (or lack thereof). When the truth came back that I wanted them for more than just pals and I really don't feel like I could divorce myself from those feelings, it was time that I closed the book because I was on the verge of feeling hurt and the outcome of it coming out the way I wanted it was grim.

Bummer.

But that's life. Wanting what you have isn't settling. It's accepting that at this precise moment I have two choices: I can wish for what I think I should have or I can bask in the glow of the things I do.

Like most nights, it's a kitty purring on my lab, a warm, delicious-smelling bed to cozy up into, and a whole lot of gratitude.

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Tree Trimmings

And tonight we decorated Taylor & Jake's tree. Snacks and cookies and love and hugs. Ornaments and lights.

Oh, and I finished all of my Christmas shopping. Which is always superfun.

(yawn!) Time for bed.

HOLY SHIT TROGAN VIBRATING TWISTER?!?!? What just came on to the television? Get one as a gift for the holidays? Oh god please let this Christmas bring a story of someone receiving one of these for Christmas. That would just make my year.

(so would a good date...but that's an unfair request)

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Worse than the Kardashians

HERMAN CAIN. Who the fuck is this dude? I am so confused.

First. A black Republican. How much do you have to hate yourself to be a black Republican?

Second. Who is this guy even? What has he done? Other than harass women? And not understand world geography?

Third. He's not even as bad (maybe?) as this terrible Rick Perry dude.

What is going on with the world? When did the president of the US become the running joke? Reagan, I guess. But still.

I need more ice cream.

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Tuesday, December 13, 2011

It Made Me Love More

It's finally cold. Like winter cold. So far I've been toughening myself up a bit for when it drops another 30 degrees. But soon it'll be unbearable to wait for the train without gloves. And I'll scurry from the bus stop to the building I work in, letting out a big puff of hot air I'd been holding in, as if it would keep me warmer or make the wind sting my face any less.

Last year I felt so grateful for that sting. And most days I still am. Some days, like yesterday, I was not terribly grateful to be outside of my apartment. Or walking out in the cold. Or dealing with others. And it seemed that on my way into work that everyone was just getting in my way. Here and there. Walking out in front of me. Not getting out of my way. Like the whole world was against me getting to work. And I get so frustrated and just want to scream "get the fuck out of my way". But I'm not really in a rush. Or a rush to what I have no clue. And it's usually about then I realize that the one getting in the way is me. So I try to take a step back. If I try to conjure that gratitude for out walking about it doesn't tend to work so well. And the snap doesn't happen immediately. But it is an immediate change. I just don't get to choose when it happens. But it does. Every time.

This morning was different. I woke up with a belly full of love from last night's chat with Kim. And a message from Megan. And a Henry snuggled right up on my arm. Fortunately, I didn't have any struggle seeing the day as an opportunity to see what awaits me this morning. It didn't bring much. A late night at work. A good spin class. Singing to Sharon Van Etten as I type this up, a stripey cat named George purring wildly on my lap. Nice way to close out the day and rest before the next one brings the chance to to smile or frown or change my mind.

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Monday, December 12, 2011

Fuck You English Toffee

God, this stuff is so good. Have you had English Toffee? It is like little bites of heaven that you can get in bulk from Trader Joe's.

Golden Girls marathon and English Toffee. Really, life doesn't get much better than this. So much better than watching those Kardashian people.

So you know that Rolling Stones song about getting what you need but not what you want blah blah blah? Well, it's kind of true. And I hate to admit that seeing as I kind of dislike that band. Or rather, never saw the draw. Anyway, lately I have not been getting my way. And I've been a little cunty about it. This morning especially. I was feeling pretty pretty pretty cunty. But then I got my shit a little more together and poof I felt so much better.

In other news...did you know that Christmas is in like a week and a half?! Yowzahs. Where did the time go?

Wishing for things that weren't what was best for me. That's where.

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Sunday, December 11, 2011

No Work Weekends

None. No work got done this weekend. And it felt really good.

The cats are snuggled up under the teeny tree and my heart explodes a little bit every time I look over at it.

My brain explodes a little bit when I watching these terrible Kardashian people. Have you seen them? They're a goddamn train wreck. But I can't stop watching. This is like crack tv. TV crack. And who is this Khloe one? She knows at least a little about what she's talking about. Even though she is wearing a hippy headband of rhinestones or something. Whatever. There are other things I can obsess about right now.

Like how I gotta admit, too, that for the first time in a long time I am not really motivated to go to work tomorrow. Usually I am pretty ready to go back to work on Monday. Nope. I want to lay around for like 48 more hours.

LISTEN TO MY BULLSHIT!!! I'm like these Kardashian people! Complaining about nothing. These are a bad signs.

Baaaaad.

If I start sleeping with fake eyelashes on somebody better intervene. Please.

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Wholesome Adventures Ahoy

What was once the day in which I would wake up to force myself into the gym, stinking up the general area around me with the choice of booze from the night oozing from my pores only to start the party all over again in the early afternoon (or noon...whatever) has granted me the ability to actually participate in life. Like today...spinning (no cloud of awful surrounding me physically and mentally), manis with Amanda, and 12 full hours with Raniah and Dalia.

What a fucking relief. Really. Sometimes I forget how fortunate I am to have this opportunity. And every time I remember this I can't help but smile. A lot.

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Friday, December 09, 2011

TGIF!!

Oh god fucking shoot me that I actually just used that. But really. I'm goddamn happy about it being the weekend. Mostly because I actually have a pile of superawesome plans with friends. Shopping, and eating, and hugs, and kitties, and babies, and skipping.

But until tomorrow comes (yay for Raniah and Eileen!!) it's time to relax and watch Our Idiot Brother. So far...it's pretty bad.

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Thursday, December 08, 2011

Still Saying Stupid Things

I honestly don't think that there will ever come a day wherein I don't say stupid shit all the time. Usually it's when I'm nervous. And almost always involves a dude I'm attracted to.

And it tends to work against me.

Yesterday's post was not full of stupid things. (tonight's probably will be) But one thing that I didn't really write as I should have. That whole thing about the dude from NYC. Let's call him The Comic. I don't really want The Comic to email me telling me that he's in love with me because you know what...he doesn't know me. And nor I him. Other than talking at a party. And that would be what restraining orders are made of. Back in the day I thought that is how love worked. You find someone and you fall in love and wham bam thank you maam...happily ever after.

Please note that this is coming from someone with a very poor track record in the love department.

But like anything else, something worth doing is worth doing well. And doing things well is hard work. Did you know this? Before about a year and a half ago I did not know this. Just kind of skated along and performed at a just-above-average rate.

Seeeecret: I'm a lazy underachiever.

So back to the point...stupid shit I say all the time. That's probably never changing. What I can hope for is that people have patience with me when I'm sticking my foot in my mouth.

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Wednesday, December 07, 2011

Repeating Mistakes

Mistake #1: Eating a whole Trader Joe's Bean Dip for dinner. Oof. Let the Farty Party begin!!

Mistake #2: Emailing the dude I met a couple months ago in NYC to see how he's doing. Why is this a mistake? Because I want a response somewhere along the lines of "thank you for emailing i love you let's practice making babies". And I'm thinking that there will be no response. So the date on Monday night was okay but there was clearly nothing between the dude and me. No butterflies. No spark. No nervousness. But there was with the dude from NYC I met one night at a party. But I regularly must remind myself that dudes will act if they want to. If they're not calling it's because they don't want to....they can find your number. If you have mutual friends they can definitely find your number. If your number is on your Facebook profile and you're friends on that life-ruining website, then they have NO EXCUSE not to find your number.

Speaking of people getting numbers from Facebook, The Waiter has yet again poof disappeared. Which leads me to...

Mistake #3: Getting my hopes up AT ALL (even the teensiest little bit) when The Waiter (I was using real names but am back to the nicknames when they douche out) asked me to go rock climbing because guess what...he's a flake. He was 2 years ago and he still is. Should I be worried that maybe he would read this and then never call me? NO. Why? Because he stopped thinking about me the last time he contacted me. Also he does not know or give a shit about my stupid blog. (if he did he would clearly be like "god this girl is an hilarious genius!!!"...ha ha ha ha ha.)

And that is just fine. But it still hurts my (oversized) ego a bit. Give it a week and I'll be fine. It'll also be better after some of this delicious Cinnamon ice cream in my freezer.

Just in time for me to feel better for a while and plunge right back into my regularly made mistakes in about 4-6 weeks time.

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Tuesday, December 06, 2011

Balmy

While I'm fully aware that what I'm about to write is not popular thought among most in the area....this weather is freaking me out and I want it to be winter.

I like seasons. That's part of why I live where I live. No, February is not wonderful. But I feel it's part of the process. If I wanted 60 degree days in December I would live in Atlanta. Not Boston. I like snow. Mostly because I don't drive or have to shovel anything. I love sleeping in the cold all bundled up under my blankets.

So sue me.

Anyway, I decided to finish watching City Lights tonight and realized that I've seen this before. I have no idea when. But I have. It's kind of odd. Chaplin is a weirdo, huh? I read his autobiography years ago and really enjoyed it. But came away from it feeling like he was even more of a weirdo than I'd already suspected. Read it and find out what I mean. Or just look up the Wiki page if you're unfamiliar with Chaplin's penchant for the younger ladies.

The more you know!!

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Good excuses

For the most part, excuses are bullshit. Bull.Shit. And so is tonight's reason for not having written yet.

Oh wait...no, it is not bullshit. Because for the first time in 2011 I had a date. Just one. It went better than other dates I've had. Gonna leave it at that.

Fucking phew.

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Sunday, December 04, 2011

The Days of Wine and Roses

Ugh. Last night was terrible. I had a very vivid, but obviously unreal, dream that I was in grad school but in the town where I did undergrad and I hadn't looked at any of my finals schedules but instead of doing anything about it (Calculus in particular) I bought a four pack of cheap vodka nips and a soft pack of Newport Lights.

When I finally got out of bed this morning (kept waking up in the night, hoping to leave the dream but then returning right to it) I felt so guilty and full of shame. It was awful. When I left the apartment to meet with friends my walk was off and I felt clumsy. Like I was hungover or something.

Not regularly do I experience dreams where I'm drinking. (thankfully) And when I do I know that it's something that I don't even want to do. So strange. I mean, it'd be different if I were dreaming that I was tucked all cozy into one of the good ol' wine forts with some ridiculous, delicious bottle. No. They're like nightmares and always always always include cheap vodka or like Miller Lite. Fucking barf, man.

To cheer myself up I went to Whole Foods for some sort of insane cheese (which I sufficiently obtained) and picked up a teeeeensy little Christmas tree while I was there. It's so cute! And fun! And so I spent the evening punching the shit out of a bag for an hour & even getting in some ring time, writing a paper on acculturation, watching a Charlie Chaplin movie, and eating said ridiculous cheese, all in the glow of little white Christmas lights.

You know, these moods used to really get me down and keep me down. It's amazing what a little bit of perspective and a lot of just-fucking-let-it-go-and-it-will-go-away will do. Time to do just that with today.

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Saturday, December 03, 2011

Saturday Schmatterday

After a long week of work I usually have no desire to do anything on Saturday. And like most Saturdays, I did just that. Not like nothing nothing but certainly minimal amounts of chores.

And maximum amounts of awesome shit.

You can quote me on that "maximum amounts of awesome shit". We should put that on tee shirts!

So Amanda and I went to see The Descendants tonight. A lot of people wear tee shirts in that movie. And it was really good. No tee shirt correlation. Or at least if there was, there's no way to tell in which way the causal direction occurred.

Get it? I made an Epidemiology joke about Cross Sectional studies. Wasn't funny? That's why I should stick to not working, even at stupid jokes, on Saturdays.

Now I'm rotting my brain watching Sweet Home Alabama. I watched this awful movie a while back, too, and wrote about how I shouldn't be watching it & will only depress me. Do I listen? No. Just like how I have had several people tell me to never ever ever watch another one of those bullshit Twilight movies but you know what? I will probably watch them all and then bitch about them for like years.

But really. I'm watching Reese Witherspoon be annoying and still get her way in the end and wear cute clothes and the commercials have this huge woman named Hazel and her kitchen. She just served some dude with a mop of blonde curly hair Pina Colada pie and she specifically said "there's no whiskey in that pie...I don't allow whiskey in my kitchen".

Hazel and I have something in common. Maybe we should be best friends. Right after I stop being best friends with the pizza and chocolate eclair I have in front of me right now.

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Friday, December 02, 2011

Not quite living behind the eight ball...

Seriously. This is the second day in a row I haven't walked through my door until 11:30. Unfortunately, tonight's activity wasn't superfun like laughing with my gal Taylor about how her boyfriend's grandma who has had an alcohol-induced stroke can get and keep a boyfriend whereas I am speeding into Year 2 of no dates. Nope, it was one of those necessary nights where I'm stuck in the office until after 10:30.

Not exactly what you'd call a kickin' Friday night.

But in the end it's worth it. The boss travels a lot. We still need to get stuff done. And fortunately, George and Henry sleep until I get home. (then they get up, I feed them, they eat, and go back to sleep)

So again, I am sleepy, and hungry, and not funny. The worst part is that I have SO MANY AWESOME STORIEEEEEES AND IDEEEEAS. But those will just have to wait until later this weekend and next week and the rest of the month.

Nighty night...spinning comes early on Saturday mornings.

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Thursday, December 01, 2011

On Failing

Well, clearly this is doomed to fail due to poor planning on my part. Unless I write something and post it within 12 minutes it will already be December 2. So maybe I'll just write without editing.

Bad Idea Jeans.

So I got home late tonight because Taylor & I were laughing too much. Is that really a problem? I didn't think so. Especially after the day I've had.

Earlier today I had meetings with not one but three whole people in the Epi department because (suspenseful pause) I was FAILING a class. And not like "oh god I think I might fail". Like honestly failing. Which sucks because I am really enjoying this class but just not getting it. Have you taken Epidemiologic Modeling? It's hard stuff. Or maybe not and I'm just becoming stupid. Who knows.

Here's the thing, though. I was all set to fail. Embracing it even. Like then I got to be like "I FAILED A CLASS AND I DID NOT TOTALLY FREAK OUT!!!". But then the professor and I had a nice talk today about options.

Long story short, I dropped the class. But still get to go to lecture! Why, you ask, would I ever want to do that? Because I really really really thought that the class helped me to understand the concepts I've (kind of?) learned the past couple years.

So it's a happy ending about a situation that could have been so bad (my GPA could have tanked, I could have spent the next 20 days stressed out to the max because I was going to inevitably fail).

And it made tonight just that much better and more relaxed and comfortable to spend with one of the best gals in all the world.

Ugh...this is not funny or original or anything. I'm tired. It's 12:10. I've failed my first day of Blog Month.

Thank goodness I get to try again in less than 24 hours.

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