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Sunday, December 04, 2011

The Days of Wine and Roses

Ugh. Last night was terrible. I had a very vivid, but obviously unreal, dream that I was in grad school but in the town where I did undergrad and I hadn't looked at any of my finals schedules but instead of doing anything about it (Calculus in particular) I bought a four pack of cheap vodka nips and a soft pack of Newport Lights.

When I finally got out of bed this morning (kept waking up in the night, hoping to leave the dream but then returning right to it) I felt so guilty and full of shame. It was awful. When I left the apartment to meet with friends my walk was off and I felt clumsy. Like I was hungover or something.

Not regularly do I experience dreams where I'm drinking. (thankfully) And when I do I know that it's something that I don't even want to do. So strange. I mean, it'd be different if I were dreaming that I was tucked all cozy into one of the good ol' wine forts with some ridiculous, delicious bottle. No. They're like nightmares and always always always include cheap vodka or like Miller Lite. Fucking barf, man.

To cheer myself up I went to Whole Foods for some sort of insane cheese (which I sufficiently obtained) and picked up a teeeeensy little Christmas tree while I was there. It's so cute! And fun! And so I spent the evening punching the shit out of a bag for an hour & even getting in some ring time, writing a paper on acculturation, watching a Charlie Chaplin movie, and eating said ridiculous cheese, all in the glow of little white Christmas lights.

You know, these moods used to really get me down and keep me down. It's amazing what a little bit of perspective and a lot of just-fucking-let-it-go-and-it-will-go-away will do. Time to do just that with today.

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